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Correction/Binge drinking

Cours gratuits > Forum > Forum anglais: Questions sur l'anglais || En bas

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Correction/Binge drinking
Message de abracadabra posté le 30-05-2011 à 17:57:28 (S | E | F)
Hello everyone !

I had to write a text about the link between pocket money and binge drinking.
Can you correct it, please?

First, let me explain what’s the binge drinking : some people go in a pub and drink a lot of alcohol in a short period of time so they quickly get drunk as they want to escape from pressure or to feel they belong to a group of friends. There are many consequences in their brain and in their ability to concentrate so it’s really dangerous. In addition, it’s usually teenagers who binge drink. Personnally, I try not to drink to much when I go out with friends because even if it can be fun for a while there are loads of nasty effects. That’s the reason why I quite agree with the article I read on the fact that parents should cut pocket money. For my part, I get 25 euros a month but I have to buy everything I need exept food so I spend my money on books and Cds. When I have some money left I save it for a rainy day. However I never buy alcohol as my parents allow me to drink moderately with them or with reliable friends. In my view, this is the best way to avoid the rizing of drunk teenagers in the city center or in parks. Moreover I think that the governement ought to punish the shop keepers whose sell alcohol to under 16 teenagers.

Thank you for your corrections!

-------------------
Modifié par lucile83 le 30-05-2011 19:42


Réponse: Correction/Binge drinking de gerondif, postée le 30-05-2011 à 18:06:47 (S | E)
Hello,

First, let me explain what’s the binge drinking (verbe à la fin de la phrase, pas de "the") : some people go in a pub and drink a lot of alcohol in a short period of time so they quickly get drunk as they want to escape from pressure or to feel they belong to a group of friends. There are many consequences in their brain and in their ability to concentrate so it’s really dangerous. In addition, it’s usually teenagers who binge drink. Personnally, I try not to drink to much when I go out with friends because even if it can be fun for a while there are loads of nasty effects. That’s the reason why I quite agree with the article I read on the fact that parents should cut pocket money. For my part, I get 25 euros a month but I have to buy everything I need except food so I spend my money on books and Cds . When I have some money left I save it for a rainy day. However I never buy alcohol as my parents allow me to drink moderately with them or with reliable friends. In my view, this is the best way to avoid the rizing (remplacez par l'augmentation)of drunk teenagers in the city center or in parks. Moreover I think that the governement(merci np!) ought to punish the shop keepers(souvent en un seul mot en effet) whose sell alcohol to teenagers under 16 (je mettrais under 16 derrière: to teenagers who are under 16).




Réponse: Correction/Binge drinking de notrepere, postée le 30-05-2011 à 18:54:35 (S | E)
Bonjour

Il faut suivre les conseils de M. Gérondif. Voici des autres conseils.

There are many consequences in their brain (1) and in their ability to concentrate so it’s really dangerous. In addition, it’s usually teenagers who binge drink. Personnally, ...


In my view, this is the best way to avoid the rizing of drunk teenagers (1) in the city center or in parks. Moreover I think that the governement ought to punish the shopkeepers ...


(1) Ces mots n'ont pas de sens. A refaire.





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