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Correction texte/Diary

Cours gratuits > Forum > Forum anglais: Questions sur l'anglais || En bas

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Correction texte/Diary
Message de rulna posté le 14-07-2011 à 01:36:40 (S | E | F)
Bonjour à toute la communauté anglaisfacilesque! 

Je suis Rulna, une nouvelle sur le forum. Durant ces grandes vacances, j'ai pris la bonne résolution de m'améliorer en anglais! Pour ce faire, j'ai décidé d'écrire un texte de 10 lignes tous les jours en essayant de faire le moins de fautes possible.
Si quelqu'un peut m'aider à corriger ce texte xxxx, je lui en serais extrêmement reconnaissante
Aujourd'hui, mon thème est "Dear Diary...".

"Dear Diary,
It's been a while since you've heard from me. I hope that you'll forgive my behavior. Actually, I didn't have time at all to relate you my life.High School, family matters, exams, this kind of stuff has made me neglect you. But since I'm on holiday now, I have time to spare. I'll tell you what happened this school year.

This year, I went into my final year of secondary school. I was determined to work hard to be top of the class. But things don't always go the way we want.

During this whole year, I didn't make progress as much as I expected. Well... it does not mean that I haven't made progress at all... I thought that I could pass from 10% to 90% upwards in a flash not from 10% to 50%... I was a little disappointed and at the same time, satisfied because thus, I was not the bottom of my class anymore. And that was a good point.

And time passed.

This last June, I had to take a very important exam. I challenged myself to pass
with 80% upwards even though my marks were bad year round. For that, I had my head in my books all day. I was very stressed because it was the
first time that I've worked so hard and I couldn't help but thinking about the Heroes on the TV shows who've worked so hardly and finally succeed. Will I be like them or fiction is just fiction?

Finally the results arrived, and I could conclude Fiction and Reality don't end in the same way... more precisely don't exactly end in the same way. Although I haven't passed with 80% upwards, I have passed with 75%. Kind of disgusted but well, you know, I'm happy nevertheless because I succeeded when all my teachers, friends and family doubted me "
Merci d'avance :D

-------------------
Modifié par rulna le 14-07-2011 01:37

-------------------
Modifié par lucile83 le 14-07-2011 07:48
On vous indique vos fautes, vous les corrigez.Ce n'est pas la quantité qui compte, mais la qualité.



Réponse: Correction texte/Diary de notrepere, postée le 14-07-2011 à 08:45:11 (S | E)
Bonjour

En général, c'est bon.

"Dear Diary,
It's been a while since you've heard from me. I hope that you'll forgive my behavior. Actually, I didn't have time at all to relate (1) you my life. High School, family matters, exams: this kind of stuff has made me neglect you. But since I'm on holiday now, I have time to spare. I'll tell you what happened (during) this school year.

(1) verbe à particule: relate to

This year, I went in to (2) my final year of secondary school. I was determined to work hard so as to be (at the) top of the class (3). But things don't always go the way we want.

(2) to go in + preposition me semble plus grammaticale
(3) On peut dire aussi: so as to be "top of the class" avec les guillemets

During this whole year, I didn't make progress (4) as much as I expected. Well... it does not mean that I haven't made progress at all... I thought that I could pass from 10% to 90% upwards in a flash not from 10% to 50%... I was a little disappointed and at the same time, satisfied because thus, I was not at the bottom of my class anymore any more . And that was a good point.

(4) Notez la différence entre "to make progress towards something specific" vs "to progress" in general.
I was trying to finish the project before the end of the week but I didn't make much progress.
I hope that I can progress in school this year.
And time passed.

This last June, I had to take a very important exam. I challenged myself to pass
with 80% upwards even though my marks were bad year round. For that, I had my head in my books all day. I was very stressed because it was the first time that I've worked so hard and I couldn't help but thinking about (5) the Heroes on the TV shows who've worked so hardly and finally succeed (6). Will I be like them or fiction is (7) just fiction?

(5) On peut dire: I couldn't help but think about ou I couldn't help thinking about
(6) forme du mot
(7) ordre des mots

Finally, the results arrived and I could conclude Fiction and Reality don't end in the same way... more precisely don't exactly end in the same way. Although I haven't passed didn't pass with 80% upwards, I have passed did pass with 75%. Kind of disgusted but well, you know, I'm happy nevertheless because I succeeded when all my teachers, friends and family doubted me.




Réponse: Correction texte/Diary de rulna, postée le 14-07-2011 à 15:09:14 (S | E)
Ouah! Quelle correction détaillée!! =D

'Dear Diary,It's been a while since you've heard from me. I hope that you'll forgive my behavior. Actually, I didn't have time at all to relate to you my life. High School, family matters, exams: this kind of stuff has made me neglect you. But since I'm on holiday now, I have time to spare. I'll tell you what happened/was happening
during this school year.

This year, I went in to my final year of secondary school. I was determined to work hard so as to be 'top of the class'. But things don't always go the way we want. During this whole year, I didn't progress as much as I expected. Well... it does not mean that I didn't progress at all... I thought that I could pass from 10% to 90% upwards in a flash not from 10% to 50%... I was a little disappointed and at the same time, satisfied because thus, I was not at the bottom of my class anymore any more . And that was a good point. And time passed.

This last June, I had to take a very important exam. I challenged myself to pass with 80% upwards even though my marks were bad year round. For that, I had my head in my books all day. I was very stressed because it was the first time that I've worked so hard and I couldn't help but think about the Heroes on the TV shows who've worked so hardand finally succeeded. Will I be like them or is fiction just fiction?
Finally, the results arrived and I could conclude Fiction and Reality don't end in the same way... more precisely don't exactly end in the same way. Although I didn't pass (1) with 80% upwards, I did pass with 75%. Kind of disgusted but well, you know, I'm happy nevertheless because I succeeded when all my teachers, friends and family doubted me.


(1) Pourquoi utilise-t-on le prétérit ici? Ce n'est pas daté non? :oJe vous remercie énormément!!


-------------------
Modifié par rulna le 17-07-2011 18:22



-------------------
Modifié par rulna le 17-07-2011 18:23





Réponse: Correction texte/Diary de may, postée le 15-07-2011 à 02:42:07 (S | E)
Bonsoir,

Quelques remarques pour vous:

I'll tell you what happened during this school year.




I was a little disappointed but satisfied at the same time because....

...even though my marks were bad year round.


...even though my marks were bad all year round.

Will I be like them or is fiction just fiction?


Fiction and Reality don't end in the same way... more precisely don't exactly end in the same way

Fiction and Reality don't end in the same way... more precisely they don't exactly end in the same way

Although I didn't pass (1) with 80% upwards, I did pass with 75%. Kind of disgusted but well, you know, I'm happy nevertheless because I succeeded when all my teachers, friends and family doubted me.


Although I didn't pass (1) with 80% upwards, I did with 75%. Kind of disgusting but well, you know, I'm happy though because I succeeded when all my teachers, friends and family doubted me

On utilise le prétérit ici parce que l'action (pass) est déjà finie complètement.


Best wishes.

-------------------
Modifié par lucile83 le 16-07-2011 21:40
2 corrections deleted because they were wrong




Réponse: Correction texte/Diary de silky, postée le 15-07-2011 à 10:25:30 (S | E)
Pour former un adverbe, on ajoute souvent LY à l'adjectif mais il faut bien quelques exceptions!

Hard = dur et durement
Donc, on dit to work hard; hardly veut dire à peine (se place souvent avant le verbe et après l'auxiliaire)

Ex.I hardly studied at all last term but I am going to study hard next term!

Vu que "hardly" a une connotation négative, on empoie any dans les composés anybody, anything, anywhere

Ex.Hardly anybody understood what was going on
I have learnt hardly anything this year OU I have hardly learnt anything this year (but YOU did learn a lot!)



Réponse: Correction texte/Diary de rulna, postée le 15-07-2011 à 22:02:06 (S | E)
Bonjour,
merci pour vos corrections et précisions.
- Year round ne signifie t-il pas pendant toute l'année? (J'ai vu sur sur Word Référence )
Si c'est le cas, pourquoi faut-il rajouter 'all'?

- Will I be like them or fiction is just fiction?
notrepere m'avait dit plus haut que l'ordre des mots n'était pas bon ainsi. Je suppose que les deux -fiction is just fiction et is fiction just fiction- sont corrects vu que vous m'avez recorrigé?

- On utilise le prétérit ici parce que l'action (pass) est déjà finie complètement.
Si je comprends bien, la différence entre 'I have played the guitar' et 'I played the guitar', c'est que dans le premier cas, je pourrais y rejouer un autre jour alors que dans l'autre, je n'y jouerai plus?

-------------------
Modifié par lucile83 le 15-07-2011 22:28



Réponse: Correction texte/Diary de notrepere, postée le 16-07-2011 à 01:28:38 (S | E)
Hello

'Will I be like them or fiction is just fiction?' Cette phrase est fausse!

Il faut la forme interrogative.

Fiction is just fiction.
Is fiction just fiction?
I will be like them.
Will I be like them?

Donc, "Will I be like them or is fiction just fiction?"

Je vous conseille d'être judicieuse avant d'accepter tous les conseils donnés sur le forum même les miens!

Votre texte est en forme d'un dialogue comme avec un(e) ami(e) en langage familier. Un journal est comme un(e) ami(e) et on y écrit en langage familier. (Unless you are Jane Austen, of course)




Réponse: Correction texte/Diary de may, postée le 16-07-2011 à 02:42:08 (S | E)
Bonsoir rulna,

Merci pour vos questions:

1. - Year round ne signifie t-il pas pendant toute l'année? (J'ai vu sur sur Word Référence )
Si c'est le cas, pourquoi faut-il rajouter 'all'?

All year round ----> Throughout the entire year
Lien Internet

Lien Internet


2.- Will I be like them or fiction is just fiction? Oui, je me suis trompée .Vous avez raison

3.- On utilise le prétérit ici parce que l'action (pass) est déjà finie complètement.
Si je comprends bien, la différence entre 'I have played the guitar' et 'I played the guitar', c'est que dans le premier cas, je pourrais y rejouer un autre jour alors que dans l'autre, je n'y jouerai plus?

Oui, comme vous avez bien compris par vos exemples. Pour le present perfect (premier cas), l'action (jouer) a été prolongée jusqu'à présent et même dans le futur.

Cordialement.



Réponse: Correction texte/Diary de rulna, postée le 16-07-2011 à 15:24:55 (S | E)
Bonjour,

Merci pour vos précisions.
J'ai encore une dernière question avant de poster mon nouveau texte :D

Pourquoi avez-vous changé

I'll tell you what happened during this school year

en

I'll tell you what was happening during this school year?



Réponse: Correction texte/Diary de notrepere, postée le 16-07-2011 à 20:56:33 (S | E)
Hello

I'll tell you what was happening during this school year? Cette phrase me semble fausse.

On emploie le Past Continuous plus souvent quand une action interrompt une autre action.

Par exemple: I'll tell you what was happening when you called.




Réponse: Correction texte/Diary de lucile83, postée le 16-07-2011 à 21:32:33 (S | E)
Hello rulna,

Votre phrase:
I'll tell you what happened this school year.
était correcte; vous faites un récit de ce qui s'est passé pendant l'année scolaire, vous dites que l'année est terminée puisque vous êtes en vacances; donc on doit employer le prétérit simple,surtout que cette action n'est pas interrompue par une autre comme a dit très justement notrepere.

Hello may,
Please be careful when correcting or you'll have a two-hour detention




Réponse: Correction texte/Diary de may, postée le 17-07-2011 à 01:47:14 (S | E)
Bonsoir,

rulna, merci pour une autre question..

Dear Lucile, are you very very sure about a two-hour detention for me? May I tell you something first? Please see this link Lien Internet

Le passé continu est utilisé pour parler d'une action qui était en train de se dérouiller à un certain moment du passé (ici this school year, je crois!)

On peut toujours dire What was happening during World War II? What was happening in the 21st century?
Alors, What was happening during this school year? (pourquoi non?) On peut mettre cette phrase comme le titre d'un article et ce qui suit ensuite doit être mis dans le temps passé composé, par exemple:

What was happening during this school year
(when I went into my final year...when I was determined...when I didn't progress...)

Also, rulna, please take into consideration silky's suggestion about the choice of adverb hard or hardly (hardly doesn't work here in your phrase)
it was the first time that I've worked so hard (correct) and I couldn't help but think about the Heroes on the TV shows who've worked so hardly and finally succeeded.

Lien Internet


However, I will be delighted to accept the detention, Lucile.

-------------------
Modifié par may le 17-07-2011 01:47
mais...je me demande What's eating Gilbert Grape




Réponse: Correction texte/Diary de silky, postée le 17-07-2011 à 02:09:16 (S | E)
Bonsoir May,

Vous écrivez: "Le passé continu est utilisé pour parler d'une action qui était en train de se dérouler à un certain moment du passé (ici this school year, je crois!)

On peut toujours dire What was happening during World War II? What was happening in the 21st century?


Je ne pense pas que ce soit correct. On emploie le past continuous dans le cas indiqué par notre père et aussi quand l'action "déborde" sur le moment indiqué.
EX. What were you doing at two yesterday?
Vous écrivez aussi:
Also, rulna, please take into consideration silky's suggestion about the choice of adverb hard or hardly (hardly doesn't work here in your phrase)
it was the first time that I've worked so hard (correct)


Après "it was the first time", on emploie le "past perfect"
EX It was the first time I had met her.

Tout ceci montre à Rulna qui a posé sa question initiale que l'anglais n'est pas une langue facile mais "Keep your chin up".

Best wishes



Réponse: Correction texte/Diary de may, postée le 17-07-2011 à 02:41:29 (S | E)
Bonsoir silky,

J'ai seulement dit la différence entre les deux adverbes HARD et HARDLY (ce qui n'est pas bon dans le contexte).

Remarquez-vous ce que je voudrais dire:

....so hard (correct).....who've worked so hardly (not correct) ...

Cordialement.



Réponse: Correction texte/Diary de notrepere, postée le 17-07-2011 à 03:20:22 (S | E)
Hello rulna

Je vous ai donné ma correction. Vous nous avez donné votre correction. A l'exception du mot "hardly" (il faut 'hard'), votre correction est juste à mon avis. Je vais en rester là.

Attention: behaviour spelling

Cordialement



Réponse: Correction texte/Diary de lucile83, postée le 17-07-2011 à 07:21:01 (S | E)
Hello may,

What's eating Gilbert Grape is a title in the present tense I suppose.
The correct sentence is:
What happened during this school year?

Anyway, forget the detention; it is Sunday!




Réponse: Correction texte/Diary de may, postée le 17-07-2011 à 15:29:14 (S | E)
Hello Lucile,

Is it real? So I will be free like a bird...Thank you

For What's eating Gilbert Grape, my question is not on verb "to be", but for Gilbert Grape

Anyway...

Happy Sunday.




Réponse: Correction texte/Diary de rulna, postée le 17-07-2011 à 18:28:43 (S | E)
Ouaw, que de débat pour ma question innocente

May, j'avais déjà lu la remarque de Silky pour hardly et hard mais j'avais oublié d'éditer mon sujet, c'est chose faite maintenant

Silky, Tout à fait d'accord avec vous, l'anglais n'est pas si facile que ça malgré tout ce que me racontent mes professeurs!

Everyone, Merci beaucoup pour vos corrections
Coming soon: The fourteenth July. :D
Lucile: Shall I start a new topic or may I continue in this one?

-------------------
Modifié par rulna le 17-07-2011 18:29

-------------------
Modifié par lucile83 le 17-07-2011 18:43
Please open a new topic as the theme will be different; thanks!





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