Cours d'anglais gratuitsRecevoir 1 leçon gratuite chaque semaine // Créer un test
Connectez-vous !

Cliquez ici pour vous connecter
Nouveau compte
Des millions de comptes créés.

100% gratuit !
[Avantages]


Comme des milliers de personnes, recevez gratuitement chaque semaine une leçon d'anglais !



- Accueil
- Aide/Contact
- Accès rapides
- Lire cet extrait
- Livre d'or
- Nouveautés
- Plan du site
- Presse
- Recommander
- Signaler un bug
- Traduire cet extrait
- Webmasters
- Lien sur votre site



> Nos sites :
-Jeux gratuits
-Nos autres sites
   


Essay/Ambition

Cours gratuits > Forum > Forum anglais: Questions sur l'anglais || En bas

[POSTER UNE NOUVELLE REPONSE] [Suivre ce sujet]


Essay/Ambition
Message de antoto55 posté le 21-08-2011 à 19:48:17 (S | E | F)
Bonjour,

les vacances se terminant , je me lance dans la rédaction d'un essai . Mon objectif: le faire du mieux possible pour avoir un essai type pour ma rentrée en terminale . Voici mon sujet : " Is ambition positive or negative ?"
et ma rédaction , pouvez-vous la corriger s'il vous plaît? ( je suis prêt à recevoir tous conseils de votre part):

Ambition is the desire for a personal achievement.Ambition has always taken an important part in people daily life because everybody want to achieve his goals in his life.However the point at issue is ambition is it positive or not ?In the following paragraphs we are going to expose the positive and negative aspects of this issue

On the one hand , if the ambition represents a sort of " motor" it can be very interesting because when you do omething which is very hard , it's always more easier to realize that when you know why you are doing that.For example as far as i am concerned , i want to join a good business school , it's my ambition , however to realize that goal i have to work harder , but even if it will be difficult i know the effects of my work as having an interesting job in the future. Furthermore when you aim an objectif and you success in it , it's make you more confident than beforeand it's help you to preten to an highter one.

On the other hand the risk is to confuse ambition and audacy.Ambition has to be more thoughtful than audacy , audacy is something more ponctual .Using audacy is taken the risk of choosing an unattainable objective and finally fail. Even if the failure is not gravous , you lost confidence and by consequences your futur choice risk to be under your skills.For example if someone wants to be president , he shouldn't follow his audacy by presenting his candidature to the next election, but have the ambition to join a politic school which allow him to enter in the politic world and may be , with time : become president.

On balance we can say that ambition can be positive if follow it at the image of a scale : step by step.
"fair and softy goes far in a day"

Merci déjà de m'avoir lu

-------------------
Modifié par lucile83 le 21-08-2011 20:24



Réponse: Essay/Ambition de sherry48, postée le 21-08-2011 à 23:16:41 (S | E)
Hello antoto55.
You have some good ideas, but I think you can present them more clearly. I like that you define your term in the first paragraph...maybe at the end of that paragraph, you could also present your thesis sentence to show the reader a hint of the path you will take.

Ambition is the desire for a personal achievement. Ambition has always taken an important part 1 in people daily life 2 because everybody want 3 to achieve his goals in his life. However, the point at issue 1 is 6 ambition is it positive or not ?In the following paragraphs we are going to expose the positive and negative aspects of this issue 6

On the one hand 1, if the ambition represents a sort of " motor" it can be very interesting because when you do something which 1 is very hard , it's always more easier 5 to realize that when you know why you are doing that. For example 6 as far as i am concerned , i want to join 1 a good business school , it's my ambition 7 , however 6 to realize that goal i have to work harder , but even if it will be difficult i know the effects of my work as having 1 an interesting job in the future. Furthermore 6 when you aim 9 an objectif 10 and you success 1 in it , it's make 3 you more confident than beforeand 10 it's help 3. you to preten to an highter one.

On the other hand the risk is to confuse ambition and audacy.Ambition has to be more thoughtful than audacy , audacy is something more ponctual .Using audacy is taken the risk of choosing an unattainable objective and finally fail. Even if the failure is not gravous , you lost confidence and by consequences your futur choice risk to be under your skills.For example if someone wants to be president , he shouldn't follow his audacy by presenting his candidature to the next election, but have the ambition to join a politic school which allow him to enter in the politic world and may be , with time : become president.

On balance we can say that ambition can be positive if follow it at the image of a scale : step by step.
"fair and softy goes far in a day"
1. consider a different word
2. possessive
3. subject and verb agreement
4. & 6. (I'm really getting confused)!-punctuation
5. with the comparative, use more if the base word has more than 2 syllables
7. placement in the sentence
8. tense
10. spelling

It's not finished, but there are too many problems, and I'm getting lost! I may have made some mistakes in the number of the reason! Make your corrections and I will look at it again. Sherry



Réponse: Essay/Ambition de antoto55, postée le 22-08-2011 à 16:08:18 (S | E)
thank you for your help. I have made a correction of my essay.

Ambition is the desire for personal achievement. Ambition has always taken an important part an important part in people's choice because everybody wants to achieve his goals in life. However, the point at issue is : ambition is it positive or not? In the following paragraphs we are going to expose the positive and negative aspects of this issue.

On the one hand , if ambition represents a factor of motivation it can be very interesting because when you do something which is difficult , it is always easier to realise it when you know why you are doing that. For example, as far as i am concerned,i would like to get into a good business school.However, to realise my ambition i have to work harder , but even if it will be certainly difficult i know the effects of my work as get an interesting job in the finance. Furthermore, when you aim an objective and you succeed , it is makes you more confident than before and it helps you to focus on a higher one.

On the other hand the risk is to confuse ambition and boldness .Ambition has to be more thoughtful than boldness , boldness is something you should use promptly .Indeed using boldness it is taken the risk of choosing an unattainable objective and therefore fail. Even if the failure is not a end in itself , you would lost confidence and by consequences your future choice may be under your skills.For instance, if someone wants to be president , he shouldn't follow his boldness by presenting his candidacy to the next election, but should have the ambition to join a politic school which allow him to enter in the politic world and , may be , with time : become president.

i will wind up by saying that: ambition can be positive if you follow it as scale : step by step.
"fair and softy goes far in a day"

-------------------
Modifié par lucile83 le 23-08-2011 07:36



Réponse: Essay/Ambition de sherry48, postée le 23-08-2011 à 00:57:07 (S | E)
Hello antoto55.
You've made some good changes. I have just now written my suggestions to continue your revision, but the page closed (twice!) and everything was lost . Now I am out of time...maybe someone else would like to jump in! Sherry



Réponse: Essay/Ambition de sherry48, postée le 23-08-2011 à 14:00:25 (S | E)
Hello antoto55.
The page still closes and reopens blank if I highlight a word, so I will give you some quick suggestions. Always use a comma after transitional words such as 'however'. (You got most of them). Always use a capital letter for the first person subject pronoun. Your sentence that begins with "However to realise my ambition..." is very long, and I think it will be better to shorten it into 2 sentences. There may be an equivalent in English for your ending phrase, but the only one that comes to mind is 'slow and steady wins the race' or wins the day...probably someone else knows the right one. Sherry


-------------------
Modifié par sherry48 le 23-08-2011 14:04






[POSTER UNE NOUVELLE REPONSE] [Suivre ce sujet]


Cours gratuits > Forum > Forum anglais: Questions sur l'anglais


 


> INDISPENSABLES : TESTEZ VOTRE NIVEAU | GUIDE DE TRAVAIL | NOS MEILLEURES FICHES | Les fiches les plus populaires | Une leçon par email par semaine | Exercices | Aide/Contact

> INSEREZ UN PEU D'ANGLAIS DANS VOTRE VIE QUOTIDIENNE ! Rejoignez-nous gratuitement sur les réseaux :
Instagram | Facebook | Twitter | RSS | Linkedin | Email

> NOS AUTRES SITES GRATUITS : Cours de français | Cours de mathématiques | Cours d'espagnol | Cours d'italien | Cours d'allemand | Cours de néerlandais | Tests de culture générale | Cours de japonais | Rapidité au clavier | Cours de latin | Cours de provençal | Moteur de recherche sites éducatifs | Outils utiles | Bac d'anglais | Our sites in English

> INFORMATIONS : Copyright - En savoir plus, Aide, Contactez-nous [Conditions d'utilisation] [Conseils de sécurité] Reproductions et traductions interdites sur tout support (voir conditions) | Contenu des sites déposé chaque semaine chez un huissier de justice | Mentions légales / Vie privée | Cookies. [Modifier vos choix]
| Cours, leçons et exercices d'anglais 100% gratuits, hors abonnement internet auprès d'un fournisseur d'accès. | Livre d'or | Partager sur les réseaux |