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Correction DM /Voyage

Cours gratuits > Forum > Forum anglais: Questions sur l'anglais || En bas

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Correction DM /Voyage
Message de mar4gaux posté le 31-05-2012 à 18:53:47 (S | E | F)
Bonjour,

J'aimerais, si vous pouvez, que vous corrigiez mon DM d'anglais s'il vous plaît.
Il s'agit de faire comme si on était une agence de voyage et d''organiser un voyage pour un couple de 28 ans qui désire partir à San Francisco. Je vous mets (ci-dessous) ce que j'ai fait pour l'instant. Si vous pensez qu'il manque des choses ou bien qu'il y a des fautes n'hésitez pas a me répondre (ceci est pour lundi).
Merci d'avance pour votre aide très précieuse.

Madam, Sir,

I have found a flight starting to Paris (Charles de Gaulle) on the 23rd of June 2012 at 11:30 a.m and arriving to San Francisco at 07:09 p.m. There is a stop to Philadelphia at 02:00 p.m. The flight last 14 hours and 40 minutes. The return in France will on the 5th of July 2012 at 07:15 a.m but it happen on the 6th of July as you have requested. You will have 2 seats next, near a window. Once purchased tickets you will not be able to change the names of the tickets.

Upon your arrival to San Francisco a taxis takes you to your Hotel. The driver will have a slate with your name written.

The name of your hotel is «Petite Auberge». It is a small hotel in central of San Francisco next to Union Square. There is approximately 20 km between the airport and the hotel. When you arrive you will have a beatiful room with a double bed and a fireplace. The hotel has free WIFI access and a lift. The break fast is inclued. The rooms contains all the necessary toiletries, a TV and a phone. Your hotel is situated not fare from a autobus.

If you like visiting, I know a formul to 1,2,3,5 or 7 days for visiting the city by the bay. The formul is called «Card Go San Francisco» and includes most 45 attractions and visits such as the fabulous Golden Gate Bridge, Muir Woods and his giant Red Wood Trees, the wax museum of Fisherman's Wharf...

San Francisco is a city very active at night with his nightclub (The End Up), his theater and his concert hall (The Fillmore).
On your way you will pass many charming little restaurants do not hesitate to try.

For more information and to submit your order contact us. For prices see table below if.

Encore merci et bonne soirée. Bisous.

-------------------
Modifié par lucile83 le 31-05-2012 22:04


Réponse: Correction DM /Voyage de bluestar, postée le 31-05-2012 à 19:35:06 (S | E)
Hello,

I have found a flight starting to departing from Paris (Charles de Gaulle) on the 23rd of June 2012 at 11:30 a.m and arriving to>(prep?) San Francisco at 07:09 p.m. There is a stop to Philadelphia at 02:00 p.m. The flight last 14 hours and 40 minutes. The return in (prep?) France will on the 5th of July 2012 at 07:15 a.m but it happen on the 6th of July as you have requested. You will have 2 seats next together , near a window. Once purchased tickets you will not be able to change the names of on the tickets.

Upon your arrival to San Francisco a taxis takes you to your Hotel. The driver will have a slate with your name written on it.

The name of your hotel is «Petite Auberge». It is a small hotel in central of San Francisco next to Union Square. There is approximately 20 km between the airport and the hotel.(usual way to say this is "A is 20kms from B") When you arrive you will have a beautiful room with a double bed and a fireplace. The hotel has free WIFI access and a lift. The break fast >(un mot) is included. The rooms contains all the necessary toiletries, a TV and a phone. Your hotel is situated not fare from a autobus.

If you like visiting, I know a formul(pas un mot anglais) to 1,2,3,5 or 7 days for visiting the city by the bay. The formul? is called «Card Go San Francisco» and includes most 45 attractions and visits such (mot manquant) as the fabulous Golden Gate Bridge, Muir Woods and his giant Red Wood (un mot)Trees, the wax museum of Fisherman's Wharf...

San Francisco is a city very active at night with his nightclub (The End Up), his theater and his concert hall (The Fillmore).
On your way you will pass many charming little restaurants; do not hesitate to try them.

For more information and to submit your order contact us. For prices see table below if.

-------------------
Modifié par bluestar le 31-05-2012 19:35



Réponse: Correction DM /Voyage de stammer, postée le 01-06-2012 à 02:11:14 (S | E)
Hello,
I would agree with all above corrections but I think some have been missed out:
"The flight last 14 hours and 40 minutes." check conjugation.
"The return in (prep?) France will be on the 5th of July 2012 at 07:15 a.m" missing word
"Upon your arrival to prep. San Francisco a taxis will take take you to your hotel."
"There is approximately 20 km between the airport and the hotel." I think it would be better to say "The airport and hotel are approximately 20km away from eachother."
"The break fast >(un mot) is included." I think "Breakfast is included" is better.
"The rooms contains all the necessary toiletries, a TV and a phone. Your hotel is situated not fare from a autobus do you want to translate "arrêt de bus"?.
"If you like visiting" You must either say "If you like visting tourist attractions" or "If you like sightseeing".
"includes most of the 45 attractions and visits"
"San Francisco is a city very active" check word order
"For prices see the table below"

I hope these have helped.

-------------------
Modifié par stammer le 01-06-2012 02:11



Réponse: Correction DM /Voyage de mar4gaux, postée le 02-06-2012 à 19:32:32 (S | E)
Bonjour bluestar,

Je ne comprends pas quand vous mettez (prep?) désolé...
Merci beaucoup en tout cas.

-------------------
Modifié par lucile83 le 03-06-2012 11:37



Réponse: Correction DM /Voyage de mar4gaux, postée le 02-06-2012 à 19:33:58 (S | E)
Bonjour Stammer,

Oui je voulais dire arrêt de bus.
Merci de m'avoir aidé en tout cas.

Bisou.



Réponse: Correction DM /Voyage de mar4gaux, postée le 02-06-2012 à 20:25:57 (S | E)
Re bonjour,

j'ai rajouté une sorte d'introduction à mon devoir, pouriez-vous la corriger aussi s'il vous plait?
Merci d'avance.

You have contacted our Travel Agency for a travel to San Francisco in couple. You would go to San Francisco on the 23rd of June 2012 and return to Paris the 6th of July 2012. If, we have all-in, you want that the flight last only 18 hours and that there is just one stop. And the hotel must be downtown but not too big. We tried to best comply with your request while respecting your budget (3000-3500$ per person).

Bonne soirée.

-------------------
Modifié par lucile83 le 03-06-2012 11:37



Réponse: Correction DM /Voyage de bluestar, postée le 02-06-2012 à 22:43:28 (S | E)
Bonsoir,

"Prep?" signifie que vous avez utilisé une mauvaise préposition, par exemple:

"The return in France.." devrait être "The return to France.."
"Arriving to San Francisco" " " "Arriving at San Francisco"

You have contacted our Travel Agency for a travel trip for two to San Francisco. in couple. You would go to San Francisco on the 23rd of June 2012 and return to Paris the 6th of July 2012. If, we have all-in, you want that the flight last only 18 hours and that there is just one stop. And the hotel must be downtown but not too big. We tried to best comply with your request while respecting your budget (3000-3500$ per person).

-----------
Je ne comprends pas "If we have all-in"




Réponse: Correction DM /Voyage de mar4gaux, postée le 03-06-2012 à 11:12:48 (S | E)
All-in = tout compris



Réponse: Correction DM /Voyage de mar4gaux, postée le 03-06-2012 à 11:32:59 (S | E)
Après toutes les modifications que vous m'avez recommandées voici ce que ça donne:

Madam, Sir,

If joint: leaflet «Travel to San Francisco» and airfare.

You have contacted our Travel Agency for a trip for 2 to San Francisco. You would go to San Francisco on the 23rd of June 2012 and return to Paris the 6th of July 2012. If, we have all-in, you want that the flight last only 18 hours and that there is just one stop. And the hotel must be downtown but not too big. We tried to best comply with your request while respecting your budget ($ 3000-3500 per person).

We have found a flight departing from Paris (Charles de Gaulle) on the 23rd of June 2012 at 11:30 a.m and arriving at San Francisco at 07:09 p.m. There is a stop at Philadelphia at 02:00 p.m. The flight last 14 hours and 40 minutes. The return to France will on the 5th of July 2012 at 07:15 a.m but it happen on the 6th of July as you have requested. You will have 2 seats together, near a window. Once purchased you will not be able to change the names on the tickets.

Upon your arrival to San Francisco a taxi takes you to your hotel. the driver will have a slate with your name written.

The name of your hotel is «Petite Auberge». It is a small hotel in central of San Francisco next to Union Square. There is approximately 12,5 miles between the airport and the hotel. When you arrive you will have a beautiful room with a double bed and a fireplace. The hotel has free WIFI access and a lift. Breakfast is included. The room contains all the necessary toiletries, a TV and a phone. Your hotel is situated not far from a bus station.

If you like visiting tourist attraction, I know a formula to 1,2,3,5 or 7 days for visiting the city by the bay. The formula is called «Card Go San Francisco» and includes most 45 attractions and visits such as the fabulous Golden Gate Bridge, Muir Woods and his giant Red Wood Trees, the wax museum of Fisherman's Wharf...

San Francisco is a very active city at night with its nightclub (The End Up), its theater and its concert hall (The Fillmore).
On your way you will pass many charming little restaurants do not hesitate to try them.

For more information and to submit your order contact us. For prices see table thereafter.

The flights
$ 2,664.48
Cancellation insurance
$ 69.60
The taxi
$ 17.40
The hotel
$ 3,271.19
Card Go San Francisco
$ 108.90
Total
$ 6,031.57 or $ 3,015.78 per person

San Francisco Angency together
with Expedia and Viator.

-------------------
Modifié par lucile83 le 03-06-2012 11:40



Réponse: Correction DM /Voyage de bluestar, postée le 03-06-2012 à 14:15:01 (S | E)
You have contacted our Travel Agency for a trip for 2 two to San Francisco. You would go to San Francisco on the 23rd of June 2012 and return to Paris the 6th of July 2012. If, we have all-in, you want that the flight to last only 18 hours and that there is just one stop. And the hotel must be downtown but not too big. We tried to best comply with your request while respecting your budget ($ 3000-3500 per person).

We have found a flight departing from Paris (Charles de Gaulle) on the 23rd of June 2012 at 11:30 a.m and arriving at San Francisco at 07:09 p.m. There is a stop at Philadelphia at 02:00 p.m. The flight lasts 14 hours and 40 minutes. The return flight will leave San Francisco to France will on the 5th of July 2012 at 07:15 a.m but it happen arrives in Paris on the 6th of July as you have requested. You will have 2 two seats together, near a window. Once purchased you will not be able to change the names on the tickets.

Upon your arrival to San Francisco a taxi will takes you to your hotel. Tthe driver will have a slate with your name written on it.

The name of your hotel is «Petite Auberge». It is a small hotel in central centre of San Francisco next to Union Square. There is approximately 12,5 miles between the airport and the hotel The hotel is approximately 12.5 miles from the airport . When you arrive you will have a beautiful room with a double bed and a fireplace. The hotel has free WIFI access and a lift. Breakfast is included. The room contains all the necessary toiletries,(is there a shower?) a TV and a phone. Your hotel is situated not far from a bus station.

If you like visiting tourist attractions, I know a formula to it is possible to buy a Travelcard for 1,2,3,5 or 7 days for visiting the city by the bay. This is called The formula is called «Card Go San Francisco» and includes most 45 attractions and visits such as the fabulous Golden Gate Bridge, Muir Woods and his its giant Red Wood ("Redwood" is one word) Trees, the wax museum of Fisherman's Wharf...

San Francisco is a very active city at night with its nightclub (The End Up), its theater and its concert hall (The Fillmore).
On your way you will pass many charming little restaurants so do not hesitate to try them.

For more information and to submit your order contact us. For prices see table thereafter below.



-------------------
Modifié par bluestar le 03-06-2012 14:16



-------------------
Modifié par bluestar le 03-06-2012 14:19





Réponse: Correction DM /Voyage de mar4gaux, postée le 03-06-2012 à 14:26:03 (S | E)
Comme ça?

Madam, Sir,

If joint: leaflet «Travel to San Francisco» and airfare.

You have contacted our Travel Agency for a trip for 2 to San Francisco. You would go to San Francisco on the 23rd of June 2012 and return to Paris the 6th of July 2012. If, we have all-in, you want the flight to last only 18 hours and that there is just one stop. And the hotel must be downtown but not too big. We tried to best comply with your request while respecting your budget ($ 3000-3500 per person).

We have found a flight departing from Paris (Charles de Gaulle) on the 23rd of June 2012 at 11:30 a.m and arriving at San Francisco at 07:09 p.m. There is a stop at Philadelphia at 02:00 p.m. The flight last 14 hours and 40 minutes. The return on the 5th of July 2012 at 07:15 a.m but it arrives in Paris on the 6th of July as you have requested. You will have 2 seats together, near a window. Once purchased you will not be able to change the names on the tickets.

Upon your arrival to San Francisco a taxi will take you to your hotel. The driver will have a slate with your name written on it.

The name of your hotel is «Petite Auberge». It is a small hotel in centre of San Francisco next to Union Square. The hotel is approximately 12,5 miles from the airport. When you arrive you will have a beautiful room with a double bed and a fireplace. The hotel has free WIFI access and a lift. Breakfast is included. The room contains all the necessary toiletries, a TV and a phone. Your hotel is situated not far from a bus station.

If you like visiting tourist attractions, it is possible to buy a Travelcard for 1,2,3,5 or 7 days for visiting the city by the bay. This is called «Card Go San Francisco» and includes most 45 attractions and visits such as the fabulous Golden Gate Bridge, Muir Woods and his giant Redwood Trees, the wax museum of Fisherman's Wharf...

San Francisco is a very active city at night with its nightclub (The End Up), its theater and its concert hall (The Fillmore).
On your way you will pass many charming little restaurants so do not hesitate to try them.

For more information and to submit your order contact us. For prices see table below.



Réponse: Correction DM /Voyage de bluestar, postée le 03-06-2012 à 14:50:03 (S | E)
"The flight lasts.." (pas "last")
The return flight will be on....
"fireplace" - Pas nécessaire a San Francisco durant l'été!..Il vaut mieux dire "la salle est climatisée"
"its" pas "his" giant redwood trees...
"its theatre"....."theater" is American spelling




Réponse: Correction DM /Voyage de mar4gaux, postée le 03-06-2012 à 20:47:03 (S | E)
Oui justement c'est de l'américain que je veux



Réponse: Correction DM /Voyage de lucile83, postée le 03-06-2012 à 20:53:03 (S | E)
Hello,

Alors cette phrase ne va pas
The hotel has free WIFI access and a lift.
lift
elevator

+ has got au lieu de has.
Si vous mélangez le BE et le AE vous aurez tout faux.




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