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Message de natyna posté le 23-10-2012 à 15:50:06 (S | E | F)
Bonjour à tous,
Je dois présenter une publicité à l'oral. J'ai donc rédigé tout ce que j'allais dire. Seulement, j'aimerais bien avoir une première correction sur mon travail si cela est possible s'il vous plaît :
C'est assez long et le style est très oral pour le coup :
I chose to show you an ad about road accident prevention. It especially focuses on the dangerousness of texting while driving. This ad makes part of a larger campaign called : “Don't Text and Drive Campaign”.
I'm going to start with the description of the ad. So, first of all, in the right part, we can clearly see the lifeless body of a woman, who is laid down in a mortuary. There is nothing else than this dead body. Concerning the global aspect : There isn't any striking color, only a shade of gray that gives the picture a very gloomy and ghoulish atmosphere. Moreover, the woman's face is covered by a smiley as those often used in text messages.
Then, in the left part, we can read the slogan written in capital letters: “Got the message? Don't text and drive”. Here again, the inscription is written with a text message fonts. Therefore, we can assert that, these references to text messages are an ironic strategy that underlines how harsh can be the consequences if you send a mere text message while driving.
Moreover, there are 4 different pictures on the same model. I gathered the 4 together into one picture. In this way, we can have an overview of the campaign.
This ad is quiet shocking because it gets straight to the point of the question without any caution. The main purpose is to trigger awareness of drivers. Indeed, texting while driving has become the number one driving distraction for many people. In other words, roughly one million people chat and text while driving each day because they feel pressure to remain in constant contact, even when they are behind the wheel. They live in a connected world where multitasking is the norm. This manifests in the car where they recognize texting and driving is dangerous, but do it anyway. What drivers do not realize are the dangers posed when they take their eyes off the road and their hands off the wheel, and focus on activities other than driving.
In addition, there are a lot of interesting studies and figures that show to what extent texting while driving is dangerous. For instance : when drivers read or send a text message, their reaction time is doubled and those who send text messages while driving are 23 times more likely to be in a crash. By the way, the average text takes a driver’s eyes off the road for nearly five seconds.
I would like to conclude saying that, this campaign targets young adult drivers. The latter need to be aware of the dangers and keep their attention on the road, not on their cell phones or other mobile devices. Don’t Text & Drive Campaign was created in order to help to educate communities and stop preventable tragedies. To put it differently, texting while driving as to be regarded with more gravity, because it's a real scourge on the road. The message being conveyed is that texting while driving isn’t multitasking, it’s essentially driving blind. So, don't do that.
Merci beaucoup par avance.
-------------------
Modifié par lucile83 le 23-10-2012 18:25
Message de natyna posté le 23-10-2012 à 15:50:06 (S | E | F)
Bonjour à tous,
Je dois présenter une publicité à l'oral. J'ai donc rédigé tout ce que j'allais dire. Seulement, j'aimerais bien avoir une première correction sur mon travail si cela est possible s'il vous plaît :
C'est assez long et le style est très oral pour le coup :
I chose to show you an ad about road accident prevention. It especially focuses on the dangerousness of texting while driving. This ad makes part of a larger campaign called : “Don't Text and Drive Campaign”.
I'm going to start with the description of the ad. So, first of all, in the right part, we can clearly see the lifeless body of a woman, who is laid down in a mortuary. There is nothing else than this dead body. Concerning the global aspect : There isn't any striking color, only a shade of gray that gives the picture a very gloomy and ghoulish atmosphere. Moreover, the woman's face is covered by a smiley as those often used in text messages.
Then, in the left part, we can read the slogan written in capital letters: “Got the message? Don't text and drive”. Here again, the inscription is written with a text message fonts. Therefore, we can assert that, these references to text messages are an ironic strategy that underlines how harsh can be the consequences if you send a mere text message while driving.
Moreover, there are 4 different pictures on the same model. I gathered the 4 together into one picture. In this way, we can have an overview of the campaign.
This ad is quiet shocking because it gets straight to the point of the question without any caution. The main purpose is to trigger awareness of drivers. Indeed, texting while driving has become the number one driving distraction for many people. In other words, roughly one million people chat and text while driving each day because they feel pressure to remain in constant contact, even when they are behind the wheel. They live in a connected world where multitasking is the norm. This manifests in the car where they recognize texting and driving is dangerous, but do it anyway. What drivers do not realize are the dangers posed when they take their eyes off the road and their hands off the wheel, and focus on activities other than driving.
In addition, there are a lot of interesting studies and figures that show to what extent texting while driving is dangerous. For instance : when drivers read or send a text message, their reaction time is doubled and those who send text messages while driving are 23 times more likely to be in a crash. By the way, the average text takes a driver’s eyes off the road for nearly five seconds.
I would like to conclude saying that, this campaign targets young adult drivers. The latter need to be aware of the dangers and keep their attention on the road, not on their cell phones or other mobile devices. Don’t Text & Drive Campaign was created in order to help to educate communities and stop preventable tragedies. To put it differently, texting while driving as to be regarded with more gravity, because it's a real scourge on the road. The message being conveyed is that texting while driving isn’t multitasking, it’s essentially driving blind. So, don't do that.
Merci beaucoup par avance.
-------------------
Modifié par lucile83 le 23-10-2012 18:25
Réponse: Présentation /Pub de gerondif, postée le 23-10-2012 à 17:25:07 (S | E)
Bonjour,
quelques menues erreurs:
I chose to show you an ad about road accident prevention. It especially focuses on the dangerousness of texting while driving. This ad makes part of (makes me parait du français traduit) a larger campaign called : “Don't Text and Drive Campaign”.
I'm going to start with the description of the ad. So, first of all, in the right part, we can clearly see the lifeless body of a woman, who is laid (lying me paraît plus courant) down in a mortuary. There is nothing else than this dead body. Concerning the global aspect : There isn't any striking color, only a shade of gray that gives the picture a very gloomy and ghoulish atmosphere. Moreover, the woman's face is covered by(with) a smiley as those often used in text messages.
Then, in the left part, we can read the slogan written in capital letters: “Got the message? Don't text and drive”. Here again, the inscription is written with a text message fonts. Therefore, we can assert that, these references to text messages are an ironic strategy that underlines how harsh the consequences can be if you send a mere text message while driving.
Moreover, there are 4 different pictures on the same model. I gathered the 4 together into one picture. In this way, we can have an overview of the campaign.
This ad is quiet shocking because it gets straight to the point of the question without any caution. The main purpose is to trigger awareness of(in) drivers. Indeed, texting while driving has become the number one driving distraction for many people. In other words, roughly one million people chat and text while driving each day because they feel pressure to remain in constant contact, even when they are behind the wheel. They live in a connected world where multitasking is the norm. This manifests itself (mais ce verbe me semble maladroit) in the car where they recognize texting and driving is dangerous, but do it anyway. What drivers do not realize are the dangers posed when they take their eyes off the road and their hands off the wheel, and focus on activities other than driving.
In addition, there are a lot of interesting studies and figures that show to what extent texting while driving is dangerous. For instance : when drivers read or send a text message, their reaction time is doubled and those who send text messages while driving are 23 times more likely to be in a crash. By the way, the average text takes a driver’s eyes off the road for nearly five seconds.
I would like to conclude saying that, this campaign targets young adult drivers. The latter (me paraît inadéquat sans "the former" pour dire ces derniers)need to be aware of the dangers and keep their attention on the road, not on their cell phones or other mobile devices. Don’t Text & Drive Campaign was created in order to help to educate communities and stop preventable tragedies. To put it differently, texting while driving as to be regarded with more gravity, because it's a real scourge on the road. The message being conveyed is that texting while driving isn’t multitasking, it’s essentially driving blind. So, don't do that.
Réponse: Présentation /Pub de natyna, postée le 23-10-2012 à 18:57:20 (S | E)
Merci beaucoup pour ces remarques.
J'ai remplacé "makes part" par "is a part of", mais je ne sais pas si cela convient.
Par contre, j'avoue ne pas savoir par quoi remplacer "can be" et "quiet"
Réponse: Présentation /Pub de gerondif, postée le 23-10-2012 à 18:59:37 (S | E)
j'ai placé can be au bon endroit, en vert, c'est une correction offerte.
I am quite quiet: je suis tout à fait tranquille. (orthographe)
is a part of , ok
Réponse: Présentation /Pub de natyna, postée le 23-10-2012 à 19:45:50 (S | E)
Ah merci beaucoup! =)
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