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Correction/privacy

Cours gratuits > Forum > Forum anglais: Questions sur l'anglais || En bas

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Correction/privacy
Message de zawa posté le 29-10-2012 à 13:24:44 (S | E | F)
Bonjour tout le monde !

J’ai un commentaire à réaliser (sur un article qui parle de cette fameuse vidéo où on assiste à la demande en mariage d’une femme sur la musique « Marry you » de B.Mars).
En voici une partie. J'aimerais savoir si vous y voyez des fautes d'orthographe, de grammaire ou quoi que ce soit ?
Merci d’avance !

Sunny Hundal leads us to ask how social network like Youtube could represent an invasion of privacy ?
First I will concentrate on the importance that represents these websites actually
Then I will expose the problem that it raises for privacy.
Social networks like Facebook, Twitter or sharing sites like Youtube are a part of our everyday life. Nowadays all phones are equipped with application to go on Youtube or Facebook. To give few numbers: about 1 billion people are registered on Facebook and about 200 million of video are watched everyday on Youtube.
In March 2012, a study showed that Facebook had passed the Google motor search for hearing. In just a few hours (or few tens of minutes) or a new video can spread across the world. For youngs, social networks become a real way of communication, to meet new people. Youtube permit to enjoy oneself, or get idea to do something of original. For example : The marriage proposal with the participation of amateur dancing and music.

But in all this information, there is right and wrong, good and bad things.
In a second step we will explain the problems that this openness to the world raises.
Indeed Youtube is not a simple system of video streaming. Publishing video, users often have the unique goal to search the audiance the most important. They hope to become famous thanks that. Youtube is one of sharing platforms most influential of the web, and is the number one search motor for entertainment.
But the publication also simple of video commonplace certain actions of everyday life. For example this video previously studied which showed a marriage proposal. The concept of traditional marriage proposal is shaken. This moment is made public for all who see, friends or strangers.
Moreover, with the current technological way, it is very easy to rig a video and to upload it on Web.It’s can have echoed very important for the concerned person

In conclusion, we could say that social network like YouTube could represent the year invasion of privacy, because they are at present omnipresent, and they are opened for everybody.

-------------------
Modifié par zawa le 29-10-2012 13:25

-------------------
Modifié par lucile83 le 29-10-2012 13:26


Réponse: Correction/privacy de zawa, postée le 31-10-2012 à 09:31:04 (S | E)
personne ?



Réponse: Correction/privacy de sherry48, postée le 31-10-2012 à 13:32:25 (S | E)
Hello. Sorry I don't have enough time to do a complete correction, but here are some things for you to begin with.
Sunny Hundal leads us to ask how social network like Youtube could represent an invasion of privacy ? (This is not really a question).
First I will concentrate on the importance that represents these websites actually
Then I will expose the problem that it raises for privacy.
Social networks like Facebook, Twitter or sharing sites like Youtube are a part of our everyday life. Nowadays all phones are equipped with __ application to go on Youtube or Facebook. To give ___few numbers: about 1 billion people are registered on Facebook and about 200 million of video are watched everyday on Youtube.
In March 2012, a study showed that Facebook had passed the Google motor search for hearing. In just a few hours (or few tens of minutes) or a new video can spread across the world. For youngs, social networks ___ become a real way of communication, to meet new people. Youtube permit to enjoy oneself, or get idea to do something of original. For example : The marriage proposal with the participation of amateur dancing and music.

But in all this information, there is right and wrong, good and bad things.
In a second step we will explain the problems that this openness to the world raises.
Indeed Youtube is not a simple system of video streaming. Publishing video, users often have the unique goal to search the audiance the most important. They hope to become famous thanks__that. Youtube is one of sharing platforms most influential of the web, and is the number one search motor for entertainment.
But the publication also simple of video commonplace certain actions of everyday life. For example this video previously studied which showed a marriage proposal. The concept of traditional marriage proposal is shaken. This moment is made public for all who see, friends or strangers.
Moreover, with the current technological way, it is very easy to rig a video and to upload it on Web.It’s can have echoed very important for the concerned person

In conclusion, we could say that social network like YouTube could represent the year __ invasion of privacy, because they are at present omnipresent, and they are opened for everybody.

Take another look at these areas. Sherry




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