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Power of music/correction

Cours gratuits > Forum > Forum anglais: Questions sur l'anglais || En bas

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Power of music/correction
Message de mel2401 posté le 26-11-2012 à 21:41:53 (S | E | F)
Bonsoir,

je suis en Terminale S et voici un texte que j'ai écrit sur le thème du programme "Lieux et formes de pouvoirs" pour un oral. Le texte traite du pouvoir de la musique et des célébrités engagées dans des causes. N'étant pas très sûre de moi, je fais appel à vous pour m'aider à situer mes erreurs.
Merci pour votre aide.

[Introduction]
During these last weeks, we have studied about different places and forms of power and in particular, the power of music and the committed celebrities. We have seen that there is not just one way to describe music, but many more. So, how the music can expand his power throughout the world and how the celebrities are engaged ? To respond to this problem, I am going to present some examples helping me of texts seen in class.

[I – Music exists to be heard : message]
First of all, I think that music is really made to be heard and not just to listen to , but to be heard properly. I mean, music is so beautiful so we should try to understand what its lyrics are trying to say, the story it is telling, the author's message or just trying to infer the story of the melody. I think music has the power to teach us in a way so it's important to respect it. That's why any kind of music has this power because all types whether classical music, rap for example or just RnB, it tells something. It tries to bring us another way of thinking, to make us feel better and happy.

Indeed, sometimes, music is used to heal people. It can make feel them better about his diseases for example or just to make them better in his life. That's why the recent phenomenon of the music therapy has been invented. Nowadays, some health maintenance organizations and insurance companies accept music therapy as a legitimate treatment but it has been difficult to consider it as a real medical cure.
The efficacy of music is becoming ever more obvious, even if the exact mechanism of its magic is still not very well understood. But many of the people have profound disabilities, and some of them are not able to communicate their thoughts or feelings in a conventional way. So music can be the only avenue they have.

Moreover, through the songs, a singer can also denounces what he thinks unfair. For example, in the protest song named Zombie, the Cramberries are against violence and are denouncing the drama of Warrington which was still raging at the time of the song, highlighting the sadness of families, denouncing the brainwashing of children growing up in a climate of violence. So we can say that this song is mainly a call for peace.

[II – Committed celebrities]
But music is not the only way to defend a cause. Indeed, some artists help people doing donations or creating associations. Celebrities do it maybe to become more famous, to be seen as a nice person but maybe just because it brings media interest so it advertizes the cause they are defending. In addition, they usually have a lot of money so they can afford it and it gives credibility because the cause they defend gets more importance so people are aware of their problem. This leads to more donations, so the associations get more money and become more helpful and have more power.
Some campaign with celebrities can be effective because people are shocked and sad so it makes them wanting to react and I thinks it really important for things to change.

[Conclusion]
To conclude, we can say that whether through music or through other ways as the creations of associations, everyone can really help people if they truly believe in their convictions.

Merci,
-Mel2401-




Réponse: Power of music/correction de csb, postée le 29-11-2012 à 12:39:40 (S | E)
Bonjour!

[Introduction]
During these last few weeks, we have studied about different places and forms of power and in particular, the power of music and the committed celebrities. We have seen that there is not just one way to describe music, but many more. So, how can the music can (can doit aller après le mot interrogatif how) expand his its power throughout in the whole world and how the celebrities are engaged ? To respond to this problem question, I am going to present give some examples helping me of using texts seen studied in class.

[I – Music exists to be heard : message]
First of all, I think that music is really made meant to be heard and not just to be listened to , but to be heard properly (ce bout de phrase ne me parait pas utile). I mean, music is so beautiful so that we should try to understand what its lyrics are trying to say, what the story it is telling, what is the author's message or just trying to infer the story of the melody. I think music has the power to teach us (il faudrait préciser ce que la musique t'apprends: it teaches us what?) in a way so it's important to respect it. That's why any kind of music has this power because all types of music, whether classical music, or rap music (toujours mettre music après les styles de musique mais pas pour R&B il semblerait) for example or just even RnB, it tells something. It tries to bring us another way of thinking make us think differently, to make us feel better and happy (comparatif de supériorité de happy obligatoire ici: happier).

Indeed, sometimes, music is used to heal people. It can make them feel them better about his diseases when ill for example or just to make them feel better in his their (tu as mis them au début de ta phrase, il faut rester sur du pluriel donc) life. That's why the recent phenomenon of the music therapy has been invented. Nowadays, some health maintenance organizations and insurance companies accept music therapy as a legitimate treatment but it has been difficult to consider it as a real medical cure.
The efficacy (ce mot n'existe pas!!!) efficiency of music is becoming ever even more obvious, even if the exact mechanism of its magic is still not very well understood. But many of the people have profound disabilities, and some of them are not able to communicate their thoughts or feelings in a conventional way. So music can be the only avenue solution they have.

Moreover, through the songs, a singer can also denounces (attention avec can il ne faut pas mettre de s au verbe!) what he thinks unfair. For example, in the protest song named Zombie, the group the Cramnberries are against violence and are denouncing the drama of Warrington which was still raging at the time of the song, highlighting the sadness of families, denouncing the brainwashing of children growing up in a climate of violence. So we can say that this song is mainly a call for peace.

[II – Committed celebrities]
But music is not the only way to defend a cause. Indeed, some artists help people donate or create associations. Celebrities do it maybe to become more famous, to be seen as a nice person people (celebrities est pluriel!) but maybe just because it brings media interest so it advertizes the cause they are defending. In addition, they usually have a lot of money so they can afford it and it gives them credibility because the cause they defend gets more importance so people are aware of their problem. This leads to more donations, so the associations get more money and become more helpful and have more power.
Some campaigns with celebrities can be are effective because people are shocked and sad so it makes them wanting to react and I thinks it is really important that things to change.



Réponse: Power of music/correction de csb, postée le 29-11-2012 à 12:43:37 (S | E)
Et voici la conclusion...

[Conclusion]
To conclude, we can say that whether through with music or through other ways as the creations of associations, everyone can really help people if they truly believe in their convictions (cette phrase est vraiment bancale, il faudrait la reformuler...).

Bon courage.
Cordialement.




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