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Correction /Expression écrite

Cours gratuits > Forum > Forum anglais: Questions sur l'anglais || En bas

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Correction /Expression écrite
Message de faloux posté le 31-08-2013 à 15:51:28 (S | E | F)
Bonjour à tous.

je souhaiterais m'exercer en expression écrite, et en ce moment mon professeur d'anglais ( à l'école ) aime les expressions consacrées au passé, dans son cas les vacances précédentes.
Comme indiqué dans le titre, je souhaiterais que vous m'aidiez à corriger mon expression écrite, c' est un peu long ( +- 200 Mots) mais c'est le minimum pour mon professeur !
Merci d'avance pour le temps que vous m'accorderez !

My holidays !
Firt day, at exactly 6 o'clock i arrived to the airport in thailand (called the land of smiles) where a lot of member of my family were waiting for receive me at airport. they were very happy to see me because they didn't see me long time ago !
to celebrate, we went to a famous japanese restaurant, in center of bangkok.
the price is very high but the food was delicious and we had a good time.
the next day, my dad takes me to the biggest farm of crocodile in thailand, where there were a lot of crocodiles. in afternoon there was a show of crocodile, a thai very brave put his head in the crocodile's mouth !! and he is still alive! fortunately because we were very afraid for him !
the second day i visited the biggest bouddha temple, he is situated in ayothaya (ancient capital of thailand) there were a lot of old and young monks, all were very cheerful
for the last week, i visited 7 provinces of the south. (all near of the sea)
I slept everyday near of the sea, walked along the beach, and sometime there was some parties where i danced later the night!
the best place where i went is phuket ! (Very famous)
i slept at the "hadsai ressort", luxurious bedroom, swimming pool, restaurant,.. it was very nice !
the next day, i went to "james bond island" by a mini boat, there were a lot of tourist.. (Difficult for take photo)..
and finally, the seawater was very clear, the sun shone, all girls wore bikinis,..
A paradise on the earth.

En attendant votre réponse!

-------------------
Modifié par lucile83 le 31-08-2013 18:24


Réponse: Correction /Expression écrite de lucile83, postée le 01-09-2013 à 09:39:42 (S | E)
Hello,

Ce qui ne va pas est en bleu; quelqu'un prendra le relais j'espère.

My holidays !
Firt day, at exactly 6 o'clock i arrived to the airport in thailand (called the land of smiles) where a lot of member of my family were waiting for receive me at ... airport. they were very happy to see me because they didn't see me long time ago !
to celebrate, we went to a famous japanese restaurant, in ... center of bangkok.
the price is very high but the food was delicious and we had a good time.

les majuscules existent en anglais



Réponse: Correction /Expression écrite de sbgs, postée le 01-09-2013 à 10:23:52 (S | E)
Hello, je vais essayer de reprendre là où Lucile s'est arrêtée, je ne vous promets rien

the next day, my dad takes me to the biggest farm of crocodile in thailand ( majuscule aux noms propres ), where there were a lot of crocodiles. in afternoon there was a show of crocodile, a thai very brave put his head in the crocodile's mouth !! and he is still alive! fortunately because we were very afraid for him !
the second day i visited the biggest bouddha temple, he is situated in ayothaya (ancient capital of thailand) there were a lot of old and young monks, all were very cheerful ( ponctuation )
for the last week, i visited 7 provinces of the south. (all near of ( je ne pense pas que le "of" soit nécessaire) the sea)
I slept everyday near of the sea, walked along the beach, and sometime there was some parties where i danced later the night!
the best place where i went is phuket ! (Very famous)
i slept at the "hadsai ressort", luxurious bedroom, swimming pool, restaurant,.. it was very nice !
the next day, i went to "james bond island" by a mini boat, there were a lot of tourist.. (Difficult for take photo)..
and finally, the seawater was very clear, the sun shone, all girls wore ( je ne suis pas sûr du temps ici ) bikinis,..
A paradise on the earth.

Bon, vu que je ne suis pas un parfait correcteur, j'ai dû laisser une ou deux fautes par-ci par-là. Mais je pense que le plus gros a été corrigé !
Attention aux majuscules aux noms propres, à la ponctuation ( elle est différente par rapport à la ponctuation française )
PS : Waouh, ça a dû être un sacré séjour !



Réponse: Correction /Expression écrite de faloux, postée le 01-09-2013 à 11:58:09 (S | E)
Bonjour lucile & sbgs, premièrement un grand merci pour le temps que vous m'avez accordé!
Ma correction: 

My holidays !
First day, at exactly 6 o'clock arrived at the airport in Thailand(called the land of smiles) where a lot of memberof my family were waiting for receive (Quel mot dois-je utiliser?) me at the airport. They were very happy to see me because they didn't see me long time ago (Je ne sais pas quoi mettre d'autre, je dois changer de mot, d'endroit?)!
To celebrate, we went to a famous japanese restaurant, in the center of Bangkok.
The price was (pas sûr?) very high but the food was delicious and we had a good time.

The next day, my dad took me to the biggest farm of crocodilein Thailand ( majuscule aux noms propres ), where there were a lot of crocodiles. in the afternoon there was a show of crocodiles, a Thai very brave put his head in the crocodile's mouth !! And he is (Je ne vois pas la faute :s) still alive! Fortunately because we were very afraid for him ! 
The second day I visited the biggest Bouddha temple, He is situated in Ayothaya (ancient capital of Thailand) there were a lot of old and young monks, all were very cheerful !ponctuation )
For the last week, I visited 7 provinces of the south. (all near the sea)
I slept everyday near the sea, walked along the beach, and sometimes there were some parties where I danced later the night!
the best place where I went was  phuket ! (Very famous)
slept at the "hadsai ressort", luxurious bedroom , swimming pool, restaurant,.. it was very nice !
the next day, I went to "James Bond island" by a mini boat, there were a lot of tourists.. (Difficult for take photos)..
And finally, the seawater was very clear, the sun shone, all girls wore ( je ne suis pas sûr du temps ici ) bikinis,..
A paradise on the Earth.

En attendant un retour, Merciiiii !!
PS : Oui très long voyage, c'était qu'une toute petite partie ! :3



Réponse: Correction /Expression écrite de bluestar, postée le 01-09-2013 à 13:50:01 (S | E)
Bonjour...

On the fFirst day, at exactly 6 o'clock I arrived at the airport in Thailand(called the Lland of Ssmiles) where a lot of members of my family were waiting for receive (Quel mot dois-je utiliser? - 'greet') me at the airport. They were very happy to see me because they didn't see (temps?) me for a long time ago (Je ne sais pas quoi mettre d'autre, je dois changer de mot, d'endroit?)!
To celebrate, we went to a famous Jjapanese restaurant, in the center of Bangkok.
The price was (pas sûr?) very high but the food was delicious and we had a good time.

The next day, my dad took me to the biggest farm of crocodiles ('crocodile farm' serait mieux) in Thailand where there were a lot of crocodiles (superflu). Iin the afternoon there was a show of crocodiles show, and a Thai very brave (ordre des mots)put his head in the crocodile's mouth !! And he is (Je ne vois pas la faute :s) still alive,! fFortunately because we were very afraid for him !
The second day I visited the biggest Bouddha Buddhist temple., He (mauvais pronom) is situated in Ayothaya (ancient capital of Thailand) there were a lot of old and young monks, all were very cheerful !( ponctuation )
For the last week, I visited 7 provinces of the south. (all near the sea).
I slept everyday near the sea, walked along the beach, and sometimes there were some parties where I danced later the night!(until late etc).Tthe best place where I went was Pphuket ! (Very famous)
I slept at the "Hhad Ssai ressort", luxurious bedroom , swimming pool, restaurant,.. it was very nice !
the next day, I went to "James Bond island" by a mini boat, there were a lot of tourists.. (Difficult for take photos)..
And finally, the seawater was very clear, the sun shone, all the girls wore ( je ne suis pas sûr du temps ici ) bikinis,..
A paradise on the Earth.



Réponse: Correction /Expression écrite de faloux, postée le 01-09-2013 à 14:02:00 (S | E)
Bonjour bluestar
merci beaucoup pour votre correction, ça va beaucoup m'aider, cependant il y a cette phrase :
They were very happy to see me because they didn't see (temps?) me for a long time ago
- Que voulez-vous dire par "temps?" 
et ici : my dad took me to the biggest farm of crocodiles ('crocodile farm' serait mieux) in Thailand
- Est-ce-que "Of Thailand" sonnerait mieux?"
Merciii !!



Réponse: Correction /Expression écrite de brettdallen, postée le 01-09-2013 à 15:43:59 (S | E)
Bonjour,

Je vous aiguille...
They were very happy to see me because they didn't see (temps?) me for a long time ago
- Que voulez-vous dire par "temps?"

Le souci ici est que vous utilisez "for a long time" auquel vous ajoutez "ago". Les deux ne fonctionnent pas ensemble! Je suppose que vous voulez dire "ils/elles ne m'avaient pas vu depuis longtemps". Cela implique du perfect et comme le repère initial est passé, cela imposera du "past perfect"
et ici : my dad took me to the biggest farm of crocodiles ('crocodile farm' serait mieux) in Thailand,
- Est-ce-que "Of Thailand" sonnerait mieux?" Non!
Cordialement.



Réponse: Correction /Expression écrite de faloux, postée le 01-09-2013 à 18:18:31 (S | E)
Merci beaucoup !!
Mais est-ce que :
They were very happy to see me because they didn't see me for a long time est correct?
Parce que le past perfect je ne l'ai pas encore appris!



Réponse: Correction /Expression écrite de sbgs, postée le 01-09-2013 à 18:38:30 (S | E)
Hello!

Malheureusement non, la phrase n'est pas correcte.
Je te conseille de voir dès à présent ce cours sur le past perfect : Lien internet

Bonne fin de journée.




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