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Correction essay/aide

Cours gratuits > Forum > Forum anglais: Questions sur l'anglais || En bas

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Correction essay/aide
Message de jlabrador posté le 21-09-2013 à 22:56:49 (S | E | F)
Hi!

Je viens de rédiger un article de journal sur la "great exhibition" et j'aimerais savoir s'il y a des fautes (et il y en a certainement! ) d'anglais, d'orthographe...

«Wonderful, fairylike, amazing» : three words wouldn't be enough to qualify the Great exhibition. About 100 000 artefacts and inventions from all over the world, 6 millions of visitors from all ages and all social classes, over 15 000 contributors : everybody will remember the importance of the event. And so will I.

the 21st of August 1851. I try to make my way under the shadow of the giant entry, surrounded by a crowd of welldress people. I've still in my mind the view of the exterior of the Crystal Palace: the gigantic building is entirely made of glass and glitters among the trees, like something out of the Arabians Nights. I come into the building and, lost in astonishment, I don't even notice the ticket-taker. I fancy getting lost between these gigantig machines and these wonderful artefacts. One of them particularly draws my attention because of its impressive size: the massive hydraulic press. I come closer and someone explains me that each tube weighs 1,144 tons yet the press can be operated by just one man. This drives me curious to learn more about the other machines. From the printing machine which can turn over 5,000 copies of a newspaper in an hour to the railway locomotives, I see «every conceivable inventions» (as the Queen herself qualified them).
I suddendly have the impression to hear water falling. I was so keen in looking at the artefacts and the machines that I haven't noticed the Crystal fountain yet. At the middle of the Crystal Palace, stands a veritable piece of art: bubbles, splashs, all the colors of the rainbow... I am so impressed by the way common materials are transformed into this amazing fountain that I decide to take a break around it.
I look at the crowd passing in front of the fountain: ladies, gentlemen, factory workers, country villagers, strings of schoolchildren... The visitors are very different from each other but, whatever their ages or their social classes, they all look at the fountain with
astonished eyes.

On the left side, rise the full leaves branches of a tree whose the top seems to reach the sommet of the roof ; at the middle, the transparent dome through which the light comes and mixes kindly with the blue and white of the arch. The form of the Crystal Palace looks like the one of a cathedral: long avenue, transept, two nearly equal portions...
I continue my walk among the galleries filled with gay colours and graceful forms of carpets, tapisteries...
The exhibition makes me travel all around the world. In France, I appreciate the precision of the Sevres porcelains, the silks from Lyon and the enamels from Limoges. In India, I discover a throne of carved ivory and a coat embroidered with pearls. In Switzerland and in Russia, the gold watches and the Koh-i-Noor diamon of inestimable value draw my attention.

Voilà, merci beaucoup à celui qui aura le courage de me corriger

-------------------
Modifié par lucile83 le 21-09-2013 23:26


Réponse: Correction essay/aide de jlabrador, postée le 22-09-2013 à 08:30:26 (S | E)
pleaaaase...



Réponse: Correction essay/aide de bluestar, postée le 22-09-2013 à 16:17:35 (S | E)
Bonjour...

«Wonderful, fairylike, amazing» : three words wouldn't be enough to qualify (utiliser un autre verbe) the Great Eexhibition. About 100 000 artefacts and inventions from all over the world, 6 millions of visitors from all ages and all social classes, over 15 000 contributors : everybody will remember the importance of the event. And so will I.

the 21st of August 1851. I try to make my way under the shadow of the giant entry, surrounded by a crowd of welldress people. I've still in my mind the view of the exterior of the Crystal Palace: the gigantic building is entirely made of glass and glitters among the trees, like something out of the Arabians Nights. I come into the building and, lost in astonishment, I don't even notice the ticket-taker. I fancy getting lost between these gigantig (orth.) machines and these wonderful artefacts. One of them particularly draws my attention because of its impressive size: the massive hydraulic press. I come closer and someone explains (préposition manquant) me that each tube weighs 1,144 tons yet the press can be operated by just one man. This drives (un autre verbe) me curious to learn more about the other machines. From the printing machine which can turn over 5,000 copies of a newspaper in an hour to the railway locomotives, I see «every conceivable inventions» (singulier apres 'every') (as the Queen herself qualified [un autre verbe ici] them).
I suddendly (orth.) have the impression to hear (a reformuler) water falling. I was so keen in (prep.?) looking at the artefacts and the machines that I haven't noticed the Crystal Ffountain yet. At In the middle of the Crystal Palace, stands a veritable piece of art: bubbles, splashs (orth.), all the colors of the rainbow... I am so impressed by the way common materials are transformed into this amazing fountain that I decide to take a break around it.
I look at the crowd passing in front of the fountain: ladies, gentlemen, factory workers, country villagers, strings 'groups' serait mieux of schoolchildren... The visitors are very different from each other but, whatever their ages or their social classes, they all look at the fountain with
astonished eyes.

On the left side, rise the full leaves branches of a tree whose the top seems to reach the sommet orth. of the roof ; at in the middle, the transparent dome through which the light comes and mixes kindly with the blue and white of the arch. The form of the Crystal Palace looks like the one of a cathedral: long avenue, transept, two nearly equal portions...
I continue my walk among the galleries filled with gay colours and graceful forms of carpets, tapisteries (orth.)...
The exhibition makes me travel - a reformuler all around the world. In From France, I appreciate the precision of the Sevres porcelains, the silks from Lyon and the enamels from Limoges. In From India, I discover a throne of carved ivory and a coat embroidered with pearls. In From Switzerland and in Russia, the gold watches and the Koh-i-Noor diamond of inestimable value draw my attention.





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