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Correction /aide

Cours gratuits > Forum > Forum anglais: Questions sur l'anglais || En bas

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Correction /aide
Message de chocorus posté le 29-10-2014 à 10:27:55 (S | E | F)
Bonjour à tous,

Je suis un élève de terminale S et j'ai eu à faire pour mes vacances, un devoir maison en anglais.
J'aimerais avoir votre avis quant à la pertinence des mots que j'ai utilisés, et s'il y a encore des fautes qui m'auraient échappé.
Nous devions écrire une ou des pages du journal intime d'un enfant qui a quitté son foyer pour vivre le rêve Américain (cette information n'a en soit que peu d'importance). Voici donc mon travail:

Saturday, December 01st 1894
3h33
Dear diary,

Now, I'm out of Rotterdam for nearly two days; walking, running, sleeping a few in a barn and a church. I'm trying to rest the lowest, and move effectively.
I left the Waddinxveen's church about two hours, and I had to stop walking because of this Duch rain… it is rhaa... stronger than my clothes. I mean come on... It's not raining cats and dogs, it's like a giant waterfall pouring out on an entire country. What a dreadful weather.
I'm looking like a drowned rat, and I can't allow myself a cold, really not; so I'm waiting a respite under an oak, funny, huh? (I know if you could, damn diary, you would laugh. )
It's too bad I didn't find a job on a boat to New york in Rotterdam. Fortunately I think I'm currently near of Amsterdam, where I hope to get hired and finally go to my dream-town. As a consequence that's why I have to be alive and well. I don't exactly know where I am from Amsterdam, cause I lost my map on the boat which brought me in Holland; so I ask directions from people (not the sleazy ones ewww) I meet.
I'm young, and I know I should be afraid of the journey I'm leading, but I'm not. I utterly yearn for this new life opening to me.
A life full of discovery, freedom, magic and other many things I wouldn't be able to find in Burgdorf. It's a freezing, difficult and exhausting journey, yes it is (especially the walk I undertook); but I crave this new life, this new future, like a burning desire fading the darkness of the night the cold, the fear and the hunger... They don't bother me now.
People should remember to never look back, that's what I'm doing. When you begin a race, you have to cross the finish line! So that's how you reach your dream. I'm getting closer and closer to America, I feel it.
By the bye it beats me a bit my family disagreed with my ambitions and the fate I fancy, and I think they're sad as I took French leave few days ago...
They miss me, especially my cuddly toy.... Nonetheless that's the ups and downs of life, and I will show them I was right and they were wrong. Sounding like a good end, doesn't it?
Well, I hope the next time I'll write on you, I mean the next time I'll have this kind of insipid and useless break, will be on a boat going to New York.
Actually I don't hope it, I know it will.


En vous remerciant d'avance,

-------------------
Modifié par lucile83 le 29-10-2014 10:28


Réponse: Correction /aide de chocorus, postée le 29-10-2014 à 17:21:53 (S | E)
Quelqu'un ?:3



Réponse: Correction /aide de persona, postée le 29-10-2014 à 20:08:33 (S | E)
Bonjour,

Now, I'm out of Rotterdam for nearly two days (revoir l'accord For/Since°; walking, running, sleeping a few in a barn and a church (revoir la forme de la phrase). I'm trying to rest the lowest, and move effectively.
I left the Waddinxveen's church about two hours, and I had to stop walking because of this Duch rain… it is rhaa... stronger than my clothes. I mean come on... It's not raining cats and dogs, it's like a giant waterfall pouring out on an entire country. What a dreadful weather.
I'm looking like a drowned rat, and I can't allow myself ?a cold, really not; so I'm waiting a respite under an oak, funny, huh? (I know if you could, damn diary, you would laugh. )
It's too bad I didn't find a job on a boat to New york in Rotterdam. Fortunately I think I'm currently near of Amsterdam, where I hope to get hired and finally go to my dream-town. As a consequence that's why I have to be alive and well. I don't exactly know where I am from Amsterdam, (revoir exprimer une distance, les interrogtifs))cause I lost my map on the boat which brought me in Holland; so I ask directions from people (not the sleazy ones ewww) I meet.
I'm young, and I know I should be afraid of the journey I'm leading, but I'm not. I utterly yearn for this new life opening to me.
A life full of discovery, freedom, magic and other many things I wouldn't be able to find in Burgdorf. It's a freezing, difficult and exhausting journey, yes it is (especially the walk I undertook); but I crave this new life, this new future, like a burning desire fading? the darkness of the night. the cold, the fear and the hunger... They don't bother me now.
People should remember to never look back, that's what I'm doing. When you begin a race, you have to cross the finish line! So that's how you reach your dream. I'm getting closer and closer to America, I ?feel it.
By the bye it beats me a bit my family disagreed with my ambitions and the fate I fancy, and I think they're sad as I took French leave few days ago...
They miss me, especially my cuddly toy.... Nonetheless that's the ups and downs of life, and I will show them I was right and they were wrong. Sounding like a good end, doesn't it?
Well, I hope the next time I'll write on you, I mean the next time I'll have this kind of insipid and useless break, will be on a boat going to New York.
Actually I don't hope it, I know it will.


En vous remerciant d'avance,
Grammaire
revoir la forme de la phrase
vocabulaire ou mot maquant

-------------------
Modifié par lucile83 le 30-10-2014 09:51



Réponse: Correction /aide de chocorus, postée le 29-10-2014 à 23:00:49 (S | E)
Très bien, merci beaucoup.




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