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Help/ essay

Cours gratuits > Forum > Forum anglais: Questions sur l'anglais || En bas

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Help/ essay
Message de seathas posté le 07-11-2015 à 01:02:47 (S | E | F)
Hi everyone.

I need some help please and I thank you for taking time to read my post, I warn you, It is going to take time.
I'm training to write essays but unfortunately I have no one to correct them,
I would need all kind of advice, it does not matter if it is orthograph, grammar, idea, form ...etc
This is supposed to be a formal essaye, so please help me to get rid of everything that doesn't sound formal.
Also I would like to know if my ideas and paragraph are congruent. if I made tense mistake or passive/active form mistake. please point out every mistake. I will take every advice (if someone have an alternative to he/she that would be great )

How can social media advance or hinder someone’s career.
Social media revolutionized the world. From the way we communicate to the way we think and behave.
It was established that social media has changed our lives in many aspects. This new technology has played an important role in enhancing or hindering many people’s career during the last decade.

Social media is a powerful tool. It does not have boundaries. On social media one can connect to almost everyone. From high school classmates to politicians and movie-stars. One can read their posts, see their pictures and even interact with them through comments and electronic messaging systems.
Mr. Barack Obama. The president of the United States, often express his thoughts and ideas on twitter. Anyone can read them and make comments. The President sometimes even responds to his followers’ comment. The point is that social media is a great tool for networking. One can communicate with people that he/she normally would not be able to communicate with.
In addition, it is a great tool to target customers, prospect for markets, advertise for products and services.
Many people advertise themselves on websites made for employment research such as LINKEDIN, in the hope that a recruiter will see their profile and contact them for an eventual job opportunity.
In the same way companies can search for a specific profile on those websites in order to hire their future employees. Some places on social media share very informative content that educate employees.

Social media allows people to share their thoughts, ideas or even broadcast their lives if they want to.
The problem is that many of those people do not think of the drawbacks of it.
Many companies in addition to a background check, they conduct what is called (googling); checking for shared information about a specific individual, and what they may find could change their point of view and influence their decisions regarding that individual. In Germany a police officer was fired from work after he posted on Facebook, a photo of him with a Nazi flag on the background. Furthermore social media is very addictive and many people spend a considerable amount of time on them every day. This addiction becomes a problem in work places, that’s why many companies decided to install special equipment to prevent employees from accessing those websites.
When an employee goes on social media during work time. It takes away the focus from work and distract him/her and It affects the quality of one’s work and reduce the amount of time the employee actually spend on work, making it a moral and ethics issue.

Social media is a technology like any other technology. It is a sword with two blades. It depends on how and when one use it. It can help people to improve their way of living, communication and help them to land in better job, advance their career and have access to the informations they need, but an irresponsible usage of this technology can wreck one’s reputation or even career.

-------------------
Modifié par lucile83 le 07-11-2015 08:24


Réponse: Help/ essay de sherry48, postée le 12-11-2015 à 00:33:12 (S | E)
Hello. I will begin by pointing out easy to fix grammar mistakes, primarily problems of agreement and incomplete sentences(INC).

How can social media advance or hinder someone’s career. (Question?)
Social media revolutionized the world. From the way we communicate to the way we think and behave. (INC)
It was established that social media has changed our lives in many aspects. This new technology has played an important role in enhancing or hindering many people’s career during the last decade.

Social media is a powerful tool. It does not have boundaries. On social media one can connect to almost everyone. From high school classmates to politicians and movie-stars.(INC). One can read their posts, see their pictures and even interact with them through comments and electronic messaging systems.
Mr. Barack Obama.(INC). The president of the United States, often express his thoughts and ideas on twitter. Anyone can read them and make comments. The President sometimes even responds to his followers’ comment. The point is that social media is a great tool for networking. One can communicate with people that he/she normally would not be able to communicate with.
In addition, it is a great tool to target customers, prospect for markets, advertise for products and services.
Many people advertise themselves on websites made for employment research such as LINKEDIN, in the hope that a recruiter will see their profile and contact them for an eventual job opportunity.
In the same way companies can search for a specific profile on those websites in order to hire their future employees. Some places on social media share very informative content that educate employees.

Social media allows people to share their thoughts, ideas or even broadcast their lives if they want to.
The problem is that many of those people do not think of the drawbacks (of it).
Many companies in addition to a background check, they conduct what is called (googling); checking for shared information about a specific individual, and what they may find could change their point of view and influence their decisions regarding that individual. In Germany a police officer was fired from work after he posted on Facebook, a photo of him with a Nazi flag on (Different preposition) the background. Furthermore social media is very addictive and many people spend a considerable amount of time on them every day. This addiction becomes a problem in work places, that’s why many companies decided to install special equipment to prevent employees from accessing those websites.
When an employee goes on social media during work time.(INC). It takes away the focus from work and distract him/her and It affects the quality of one’s work and reduce the amount of time the employee actually spend on work, making it a moral and ethics issue.

Social media is a technology like any other technology. It is a sword with two blades. It depends on how and when one use it. It can help people to improve their way of living, communication and help them to land in better jobs, advance their careers and have access to the informations they need, but an irresponsible use of this technology can wreck one’s reputation or even career.
Sherry



Réponse: Help/ essay de seathas, postée le 12-11-2015 à 03:11:12 (S | E)
Hi Sherry, thank you so much. that's helped me identifies my mistakes and hopefully i can avoid them next time i write.
i correct those mistakes and i would like to know your thoughts about it now.

Social media revolutionized the world, from the way we communicate to the way we think and behave.
It is established that social media has changed our lives in many aspects. This new technology has played an important role in enhancing or hindering many people’s careers during the last decade.

Social media is a powerful tool. It does not have boundaries. On social media one can connect to almost everyone, from high school classmates to politicians and movie-stars. One can read their posts, see their pictures and even interact with them through comments and electronic messaging systems.
Mr. Barack Obama, the president of the United States, often expresses his thoughts and ideas on twitter. Anyone can read them and make comments. The President sometimes even responds to his followers’ comment. The point is that social media is a great tool for networking. One can communicate with people that he/she normally would not be able to communicate with.
In addition, it is a great tool to target customers, prospect for markets, advertise for products and services.
Many people advertise themselves on websites made for employment research such as LINKEDIN, in the hope that a recruiter will see their profile and contact them for an eventual job opportunity.
In the same way companies can search for a specific profile on those websites in order to hire their future employees. Some places on social media share very informative contents that educate employees.

Social media allows people to share their thoughts, ideas or even broadcast their lives if they want to.
The problem is that many of those people do not think of the drawbacks of sharing their personal information.
Many companies in addition to a background check, conduct what is called (googling); checking for shared information about a specific individual, and what they may find could change their point of view and influence their decisions regarding that individual. In Germany a police officer was fired from work after he had posted on Facebook a photo of him with a Nazi flag on the background. Furthermore, social media is very addictive and many people spend a considerable amount of time on those websites every day. This addiction becomes a problem in work places, that’s why many companies decided to install special equipment to prevent employees from accessing those websites.
When an employee goes on social media during work time, it takes away the focus from work and distracts him/her and It affects the quality of one’s work and reduces the amount of time the employee actually spends on work, making it a moral and ethics issue.

Social media is a technology like any other technology. It is a sword with two edges. It depends on how and when one uses it. It can help people to improve their way of living, communication and help them to land better job, advance their career and have access to the informations they need, but irresponsible usage of this technology can wreck one’s reputation or even career.

At the end, i have some questions. What pronoun should I use to refer to social media instead of them?
and I want to understand why we took of they in the following sentence ((they conduct what is called (googling); checking))

thank you so much for your time, i really appreciate it



Réponse: Help/ essay de sherry48, postée le 12-11-2015 à 14:51:43 (S | E)
Hello again. Now I will also address some things that I ignored the first time. (T)= take a look at the tense

Social media revolutionized (T) the world, from the way we communicate to the way we think and behave.
It is established(T) that social media has changed our lives in many aspects. This new technology has played an important role in enhancing or hindering many people’s careers during the last decade.

Social media is a powerful tool. It does not have boundaries. On social media one can connect to almost everyone, from high school classmates to politicians and movie stars. One can read their posts, see their pictures and even interact with them through comments and electronic messaging systems. Mr. Barack Obama, the president of the United States, often expresses his thoughts and ideas on Twitter. Anyone can read them and make comments. The President sometimes even responds to his followers’ comment. The point is that social media is a great tool for networking. One can communicate with people that he or she normally would not be able to communicate with.

In addition, it is a great tool to target customers, prospect for markets,and/or advertise for products and services. Many people advertise themselves on websites made/designed for employment research such as LINKEDIN, in the hope that a recruiter will see their profile and contact them for an eventual job opportunity. In the same way, companies can search for a specific profile on those websites in order to hire (their) future employees. Some places on social media share very informative content(s) to educate employees.

Social media allows people to share their thoughts, ideas or even broadcast their lives if they want to. The problem is that many of those people do not think of the drawbacks of sharing their personal information. Many companies in addition to a background check,(Keep the subject and verb together.) conduct what is called (googling) google searches; checking for shared information about a specific individual, and what they (may) find could change their point of view and influence their decisions regarding that individual. In Germany a police officer was fired from work after he (had) posted on Facebook a photo of himself(what did he post before where) with a Nazi flag on the background.

Furthermore, social media is (indicate possibility rather than certainty?) very addictive and many people spend a considerable amount of time on those websites every day. You could logically put the addiction phrase after the time phrase.) This addiction becomes a problem in work places,(the workplace). That’s why many companies decided to install special equipment to prevent employees from accessing those websites. When an employee goes on social media during work time, it takes away the focus from work and distracts him or her. This and It affects the quality of one’s work and reduces the amount of time the employee actually spends on work, making it a moral and ethics issue.

Social media is a technology like any other technology. It is a sword with two edges./two-edged sword. It (Instead of it, you could connect the idea of two-edged with your idea above-advantages and drawbacks-stated a little differently, beginning with Whether...) depends on how and when one uses it. It can help people to improve their way of living, communication and help them to land better job (singular? plural?), advance their careers and have access to the informations(Information is uncountable in English.) they need, but irresponsible usage/the irresponsible use of this technology can wreck one’s reputation or even career.

At the end, i have some questions. What pronoun should I use to refer to social media instead of them? Think of media as a collective noun. What do you suggest?
and I want to understand why we took off they in the following sentence ((they conduct what is called (googling); checking))Many companies is the subject. When there is a series of actions (verbs), it isn't necessary to have a subject before the second action, but the verbs have to be in the same form, since they are 'borrowing' the original subject. Take a look at your last paragraph and apply this. In any case, I have suggested another way to write this googling phrase.
Sherry



Réponse: Help/ essay de seathas, postée le 12-11-2015 à 22:31:38 (S | E)
Hello Sherry, once again, thank you so much for taking the time to review my writing.
I made some changes, but to be honest there is some problem I was not able to understand for fix. especially about the time. I believe I'm writing in present, but sometimes I use past tense, because some actions were in the past. I don't know how to fix this issue. Please advise me, what tense is more appropriate in those kinds of essays ?
I hope you're going to like it this time.

Introduction
Social media is revolutionizing the world (does present continuous sound better ?) the world, from the way we communicate to the way we think and behave. It is established (I’m confused what tense I should use here) that social media has changed our lives in many aspects. This new technology has played an important role in enhancing or hindering many people’s careers during the last decade.

First paragraph (supporting social media)
Social media is a powerful tool. It does not have boundaries. On social media one can connect to almost everyone, from high school classmates to politicians and movie-stars (I could not find the problem here). One can read their posts, see their pictures and even interact with them through comments and electronic messaging systems. Mr. Barack Obama, the president of the United States, often expresses his thoughts and ideas on twitter. Anyone can read them and make comments. The President sometimes even responds to his followers’ comment. The point is that social media is a great tool for networking. One can communicate with people that he/she normally would not be able to communicate with. In addition, it is a great tool to target customers, prospect for markets and/or advertise for products and services. Many people advertise themselves on websites designed for employment search such as LINKEDIN, in the hope that a recruiter will see their profile and contact them for an eventual job opportunity. In the same way companies can search for a specific profile on those websites in order to hire future employees. Some websites share very informative contents to educate employees. (looks better?)

Second paragraph (Opposing to social media)
Social media is a two-edges sword, and it can have some negative consequences While, social media allows people to share their thoughts, ideas or even broadcast their lives if they want to, many people do not think of the drawbacks of sharing their personal information. Moreover, many companies conduct google searches; checking for shared information about a specific individual, and what they find could change their point of view and influence their decisions regarding that individual. In Germany a police officer was fired from work after he had posted (thank you I just learned that when before/after is present it specifies which action occurred first, so I don’t have to use the past perfect tense) a photo of himself on Facebook with a Nazi flag in the background. However, spending a considerable amount of time on social media may evolve into addiction. This addiction becomes a problem in the workplace, that is why many companies decided to install special equipment to prevent employees from accessing those websites. When an employee goes on social media during work time, it takes away the focus from work and distracts him/her and this affects the quality of one’s work and reduces the amount of time the employee actually spends on work, making it a moral and ethics issue.

Conclusion
Eventually, Social media is a technology like any other technology. It depends on how and when one uses it. It can help people to communication between each other, help them to land better jobs, advance their careers and have access to the information they need, but the irresponsible use of this technology can wreck one’s reputation or even career. Thank you

-------------------
Modifié par lucile83 le 12-11-2015 22:39



Réponse: Help/ essay de sherry48, postée le 12-11-2015 à 23:13:32 (S | E)
Hello. You have a well organized argument.
1. Social media is revolutionizing the world: present continuous, indicating the current situation, can work here.
2. It is established: it seems to be an event in the past but at an unspecified time, more than a completed action. What do you think would work?
3. movie-stars: no hyphen needed
4. check the dictionary to decide whether you should use content or contents
5. two-edged
6. It can help people to communication between each other: the verb rather than the noun here.
Sorry, I have no more time this evening and I know I didn't cover everything.
Sherry



Réponse: Help/ essay de seathas, postée le 12-11-2015 à 23:48:39 (S | E)
Thanks sherry, I think you did more than cover everything, wow,
I made all the necessary corrections, I am still confused with this.
When you get some free time please let me know if it's correct this way.
1. Social media is revolutionizing the world: how about present tense (Social media revolutionize the world) works ? yes you right, the past does not make much sense
2. It is established: it has been established

Have a nice day

-------------------
Modifié par lucile83 le 13-11-2015 05:29



Réponse: Help/ essay de sherry48, postée le 13-11-2015 à 23:59:40 (S | E)
Hello.
Is revolutionizing or has revolutionized...it depends on whether you look at it as on ongoing process which continues, or a process which happened sometime in the past.
It seems to me that 'it has been established' is better because establishing facts requires looking at the evidence over a period of time.
Sherry




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