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Correction/mythes et héros

Cours gratuits > Forum > Forum anglais: Questions sur l'anglais || En bas

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Correction/mythes et héros
Message de chacha1998 posté le 18-02-2016 à 12:28:21 (S | E | F)
Bonjour
je passe mon oral blanc d'anglais lundi et je viens de finir mon texte. Pouvez-vous le corriger s'il vous plait?
Merci pour vos réponses.

Introduction. I'm going to talk about the notion of myths and heroes. A myth can be defined as a story that may or may not be true, about gods or heroes or others. It can be a popular belief or a tradition. A hero can be a mythological figure, a person who is admired for his or her achievements, a superhero or an icon like the star.
For explore this notion, we should ask how are heroes manufactured?
Thus, to answer this question, we use 3 document :
The first document, called “to protect and to serve” is a painting by Tom Palmer to honour the heroes of 9/11 namely the firemen and policeman of New York.
The second document is the movie “flag of our fathers”, who tell the story of the soldiers who are on the famous photograph “raising the flag on iwo jima”.
The last document is a political cartoon named “opinons”. This cartoon represents three differents heroes. (1min10)

I.Firstly, we will see what defines a hero.
First of all, a hero is a person who have accomplish feats of courage, as save people or take risk for the others. In the painting “to protect and to serve”, the policeman and the firemen who are ready to risk their life for their country, can be considered like heroes. Moreover, after the terrorist attack against the twins tower in New York, the policemen and the fireman are even more admired because the people need to feel protect, and the image of hero is reassuring.
Also,a hero is a person with some qualities like the courage, the generosity, the strenght and lot of others. Some jobs requires this qualities. For example, in the movie Flag of or fathers, the soldiers who fights on Iwo Jima are considered like heroes by their courage. Moreover the policeman and the fireman at the top of painting, are representing like determined, contrast to the demolished building around them. In fact, the soldiers, the policeman, the fireman and others are devoted their time and their life for helped and protect their country, so they are clearly embody the notion of heroes.


II.Secondly, we will see that the notion of hero is relative
Indeed, every person has its own idea of hero, for exemple in the cartoon “opinion”, the artist wonders truth identity of a hero. The child think the superhero is the only hero on the world. For other, the hero are one famous person like a star of football or other. But for the artist, the real hero is someone who risked his life to serve his country, someone who put his life at risks to defend values such as freedom and democracy. For the cartoonist, the veteran is the hero.
Moreover, the media manipulate the people about the hero. For exemple, in the movie Flag of our father, thanks to the snapshot “raising the flag on iwo Jima”, the people thinks that the soldiers are the real hero. In fact, this famous photograph appaers on lot of newspaper and gave some hope at the people during the war. Thanks to this snapshot, the State can hope to receive donations and after win the war. After that the photograph became famous, the soldiers who are on this image are becoming famous too. They are considered like heroes by every people, but they were'nt considered like this because they killed humans during the battle and they had moments of weaknesses, of fear. It's not attitude of a hero.

Conclusion. So to conclude, the notion of hero is relative. Indeed, one hero have some qualities but according to the people this qualities can be change. The media manipulate the image of hero for the business and the person that thinks is a hero can be the opposite. But certain person after their death, fascinates even more the people, their became a Myth, like Marilin Monroe, Martin Luther King and more others.

-------------------
Modifié par lucile83 le 18-02-2016 13:04


Réponse: Correction/mythes et héros de gerondif, postée le 18-02-2016 à 14:16:09 (S | E)
Bonjour,
erreurs en bleu, corrections en vert.
Attention aux pluriels et aux conjugaisons, et à la différence entre as et like .

Introduction. I'm going to talk about the notion of myths and heroes. A myth can be defined as a story that may or may not be true, about gods or heroes or others. It can be a popular belief or a tradition. A hero can be a mythological figure, a person who is admired for his or her achievements, a superhero or an icon like the star.
For (pour + verbe = to) explore this notion, we should ask how are heroes(à inverser) manufactured?
Thus, to answer this question, we use 3 document(mettez un s il y en a 3) :
The first document, called “to protect and to serve” is a painting by Tom Palmer to honour the heroes of 9/11 namely the firemen and policeman(pluriel) of New York.
The second document is the movie “flag of our fathers”, who(un film n'est pas un humain) tell (le s du présent svp) the story of the soldiers who are on the famous photograph “raising the flag on iwo jima”.
The last document is a political cartoon named “opinons”. This cartoon represents three differents heroes. (1min10)

I.Firstly, we will see what defines a hero.
First of all, a hero is a person who have accomplish(à conjuguer) feats of courage, as(like +ing) save people or take risk for the others. In the painting “to protect and to serve”, the policeman and the firemen who are ready to risk their life(pluriel) for their country, can be considered like(erreur de choix) heroes. Moreover, after the terrorist attack against the twins tower in New York, the policemen and the fireman(pluriel) are even more admired because the people need to feel protect(participe passé), and the image of hero is reassuring.
Also,a hero is a person with some qualities like the courage, the generosity, the strenght and lot of others. Some jobs requires this(pluriel) qualities. For example, in the movie Flag of or fathers, the soldiers who fights (le sujet est pluriel)on Iwo Jima are considered like heroes by(à cause de) their courage. Moreover the policeman and the fireman at the top of the painting, are representing like determined, in contrast to the demolished building(pluriel?)around them. In fact, the soldiers, the policeman, the fireman and others are devoted their time and their life for helped and protect their country, so they are clearly embody the notion of heroes.


II.Secondly, we will see that the notion of hero is relative
Indeed, every person has its own idea of a hero, for exemple in the cartoon “opinion”, the artist wonders about the truth(il faut l'adjectif, pas le nom) identity of a hero. The child think(le s du présent svp) the superhero is the only hero on the world. For others, the hero are(sujet singulier) one famous person like a star of football (nom composé)or other. But for the artist, the real hero is someone who risked his life to serve his country, someone who put his life at risks to defend values such as freedom and democracy. For the cartoonist, the veteran is the hero.
Moreover, the media manipulate the people about the heroes. For exemple, in the movie Flag of our father, thanks to the snapshot “raising the flag on iwo Jima”, the people thinks (people + singulier) that the soldiers are the real hero (pluriel). In fact, this famous photograph appaers on a lot of newspaper (pluriel) and gave some hope at the people during the war. Thanks to this snapshot, the United States can hope to receive donations and after win the war. After that the photograph became famous, the soldiers who are on this image are becoming(à mettre au prétérit simple) famous too. They are considered like heroes by every people, but they were'nt considered like this because they killed humans during the battle and they had moments of weaknesses(singulier) , of fear. It's not attitude of a hero.(construction)

Conclusion. So to conclude, the notion of hero is relative. Indeed, one hero have some qualities but according to the people this qualities can be change. The media manipulate the image of hero for the business and the person that thinks is a hero can be the opposite. But certain person after their death, fascinates even more the people, their became a Myth, like Marilin Monroe, Martin Luther King and more others.




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