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Espaces et Echanges/oral

Cours gratuits > Forum > Forum anglais: Questions sur l'anglais || En bas

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Espaces et Echanges/oral
Message de digorie posté le 23-02-2016 à 15:42:21 (S | E | F)
Bonjour,
Je réalise pour mon Bac ma fiche d'oral sur la notion d'espaces et échanges. Voici mon texte. Auriez-vous la gentillesse de me dire si vous voyez des fautes ? Je les corrigerai très vite pour reposter un meilleur texte et ainsi de suite ! Merci énormément à vous et bonne journée !


Today, I am going to talk about the notion Spaces and exchanges. First of all, exchanges can be defined as movement or circulation of people between two spaces: the immigrants. Of course exchanges can take different forms. Nowadays most of immigrants expects find better life condition in a new country. The bigger migratory flow on the world is probably between Mexico and the US: there are about 55 millions of Hispanics in the US. That’s why we can wonder if the USA should close the US-Mexico border? In order to answer this question and illustrate the notion, we will focus first on the massive arrival of immigrants in America. Then we will analyse who the migrants live in their new country. Finally, we will explain why they are necessary to the American society. To illustrate this theme, we will work on three documents.

The first document I have chosen is a cartoon drawn by Greenberg representing two people. A man explains that he expects the minority to have better housing and health care, and better educational opportunities for employers. He looks a little bit confused and puzzled. Actually, he has he has realized the white percentage in California is going to decline. He fears he might be rejected and dreads his children might no longer get a good education. Indeed, the Hispanic population is always growing in the US and is becoming a majority. There are about 55 million of Hispanics in the US which represents about 30% of the total population. They are more in Arizona and Texas states than is north-east, because the border between Mexico and the USA is in actually in the south. Migrants look for a better life. But the problem is that most of the migrants are illegal.

That is why I have chosen the next document: it is an article from The New York Times writing by Jose Antonio Vargas. The man explains that when he was 16, he rode his bike to DMV office to get his driver permit. But he learnt that he had fake papers. His grand father Lolo tell him that he has cross the border illegally with his parents and that he is not American. Nowadays, it is a real problem in the US. A lot of immigrants are living in the shadow, because they know that they could be arrested. They fear they might be deported in a country where they know nothing, even how to talk, because the went to the US when they were just child. But this people can’t live. They don’t have real job, real papers. A lot of them think it is not fair because they worked hard, they graduated, but they are not Americans. Nowadays Jose Antonio Vegas is still an undocumented immigrant. In this point of view, the US should close the border, to prevent people from living in the shadow.

The last document is a cartoon drawn by. It is a pro-immigrant response to opponents of immigration. Indeed, we can see Hispanics in 8 frames, who are hard-working: one of them is washing the ground, an other is doing the dishes of a restaurant. They work here because they are not qualified. The cartoonist is pointing out that the jobs that immigrants take are jobs that Americans don’t want to do. On this way, illegal immigrants benefit the US economy. We can notice that too in the agriculture: 53% of the 2,5 farm workers in the US are illegal immigrants. If there were deported, there would be an enormous labour shortage. On this point of view, the US shouldn’t close the US-Mexico border: the migrants are benefit for their country.

To conclude, we have seen that more and more immigrants are coming to the US. Most of them are illegal and have to leave in the shadow. President Obama said “We are a nation of laws and we are a nation of immigrants, and we can reconcile those two things.” I clearly share his opinion. The US face a big problem. They can’t close the border between the two country: their economy is at stake. But they need to find a solution to make the exchanges between the two states a strength and not a weakness.

-------------------
Modifié par lucile83 le 23-02-2016 17:58



Réponse: Espaces et Echanges/oral de digorie, postée le 24-02-2016 à 14:36:42 (S | E)
Je sais que ça parait long mais un peu d'aide serait vraiment la bienvenue

-------------------
Modifié par lucile83 le 25-02-2016 22:37



Réponse: Espaces et Echanges/oral de sandyhell, postée le 24-02-2016 à 16:17:44 (S | E)
Bonjour,

Voici les petites erreurs que j'ai noté :

Nowadays most of immigrants expects find => expects to find
Le verbe to expect est toujours suivi d'un verbe à l'infinitif

Then we will analyse who the migrants live in their new country => Je pense que ce n'est pas who mais where, non ?

Finally, we will explain why they are necessary to the American society => J'aurais mis needed for à la place de necessary to

Actually, he has he has realized the white percentage => "he has" mis 2 fois

because the border between Mexico and the USA is in actually in the south => is actually in the south

Attention, au début : "Nowadays most of immigrants expects" puis dans le second paragraphe : "most of the migrants are illegal" => il faut harmoniser le terme utilisé : "immigrants" or "migrants" (je pense que la définition n'est pas la même). De plus, dans le premier cas le verbe est conjugué au singulier alors que dans le second cas, le verbe est conjugué au pluriel : migrants/immigrants étant au pluriel, le verbe suivant doit être conjugué au pluriel

His grand father Lolo tell him that he has cross the border illegally with his parents and that he is not American => à mettre au passé simple pour être cohérent avec la phrase précédente.

But this people can’t live => Je ne comprends pas cette phrase dans le contexte

The last document is a cartoon drawn by. => Il manque le nom de l'auteur

We can notice that too in the agriculture => à la place de "too", j'auria mis "also"

If there were deported, => If they were deported

Most of them are illegal and have to leave in the shadow. => ce n'est pas "leave" mais "live"

They can’t close the border between the two country: => the two countries

A bientôt



Réponse: Espaces et Echanges/oral de digorie, postée le 24-02-2016 à 18:23:33 (S | E)
Merci beaucoup !! J'ai pris compte de toutes vos corrections ! Voici le texte !

Today, I am going to talk about the notion Spaces and exchanges. First of all, exchanges can be defined as movement or circulation of people between two spaces: the immigrants. Of course exchanges can take different forms. Nowadays most of immigrants expect to find better life condition in a new country. The bigger migratory flow on the world is probably between Mexico and the US: there are about 55 millions of Hispanics in the US. That’s why we can wonder if the USA should close the US-Mexico border? In order to answer this question and illustrate the notion, we will focus first on the massive arrival of immigrants in America. Then we will analyse how the migrants live in their new country. Finally, we will explain why they are necessary to the American society. To illustrate this theme, we will work on three documents.

The first document I have chosen is a cartoon drawn by Greenberg representing two people. A man explains that he expects the minority to have better housing and health care, and better educational opportunities for employers. He looks a little bit confused and puzzled. Actually, he has realized the white percentage in California is going to decline. He fears he might be rejected and dreads his children might no longer get a good education. Indeed, the Hispanic population is always growing in the US and is becoming a majority. There are about 55 million of Hispanics in the US which represents about 30% of the total population. They are more in Arizona and Texas states than is north-east, because the border between Mexico and the USA is actually in the south. Migrants look for a better life. But the problem is that most of the immigrants are illegal.

That is why I have chosen the next document: it is an article from The New York Times writing by Jose Antonio Vargas. The man explains that when he was 16, he rode his bike to an office to get his driver permit. But he learnt that he had fake papers. His grand father Lolo had told him that he has crossed the border illegally with his parents and that he was not American. Nowadays, it is a real problem in the US. A lot of immigrants are living in the shadow, because they know that they could be arrested. They fear they might be deported in a country where they know nothing, even how to talk, because the went to the US when they were just child. But this people can’t live legally. They don’t have real job, real papers. A lot of them think it is not fair because they worked hard, they graduated, but they are not Americans. Nowadays Jose Antonio Vegas is still an undocumented immigrant. In this point of view, the US should close the border, to prevent people from living in the shadow.

The last document is a cartoon drawn by Dranteld. It is a pro-immigrant response to opponents of immigration. Indeed, we can see Hispanics in 8 frames, who are hard-working: one of them is washing the ground, an other is doing the dishes of a restaurant. They work here because they are not qualified. The cartoonist is pointing out that the jobs that immigrants take are jobs that Americans don’t want to do. On this way, illegal immigrants benefit the US economy. We can notice that also in the agriculture: 53% of the 2,5 farm workers in the US are illegal immigrants. If they were deported, there would be an enormous labour shortage. On this point of view, the US shouldn’t close the US-Mexico border: the migrants are benefit for their country.

To conclude, we have seen that more and more immigrants are coming to the US. Most of them are illegal and have to live in the shadow. President Obama said “We are a nation of laws and we are a nation of immigrants, and we can reconcile those two things.” I clearly share his opinion. The US face a big problem. They can’t close the border between the two countries: their economy is at stake. But they need to find a solution to make the exchanges between the two states a strength and not a weakness.



Réponse: Espaces et Echanges/oral de digorie, postée le 25-02-2016 à 18:11:31 (S | E)
Bonjour !
Voyez-vous encore des fautes ?
Bonne journée !
Digorie.



Réponse: Espaces et Echanges/oral de here4u, postée le 25-02-2016 à 19:50:24 (S | E)
hello !

blue = wrong
underlined= very clumsy...
XXX = missing elements
green = suggestions ou corrections

Today, I am going to talk about the notion of "Spaces and exchanges". First of all, exchanges can be defined as (XXX) movement or circulation(ce singulier ne convient pas ... mais vous pouvez aussi mettre un article qui résoudrait le problème autrement!...) of people between two spaces: the immigrants(ici, vous dites que les migrants sont des espaces ... très maladroit!). Of course exchanges can take different forms. Nowadays most of immigrants expect to find better life condition in a new country. The bigger migratory flow on the world is probably between Mexico and the US: there are about 55 millions of Hispanics in the US. That’s why we can wonder if the USA should close the US-Mexico border? In order to answer this question and illustrate the notion, we will focus first on the massive arrival of immigrants in America. Then we will analyse how the migrants live in their new country. Finally, we will explain why they are necessary to the American society. To illustrate this theme, we will work on three documents.

The first document I have chosen is a cartoon drawn by Greenberg representing two people. A man explains that he expects the minority to have better housing and health care, and better educational opportunities for employers.(sorry! I can't understand... He looks a little bit confused and puzzled. Actually, he has realized the white percentage in California is going to decline(attention à l'ordre des mots, bien maladroit!). He fears he might be rejected and dreads his children might no longer get a good education. Indeed, the Hispanic population is always growing in the US? (nuancez!where?) and is becoming a majority. There are about 55 million of Hispanics in the US which represents about 30% of the total population. They are more in Arizona and Texas (states) than is XXX north-east, because the border between Mexico and the USA is actually in the south. Migrants look for a better life. But the problem is that most of the immigrants are illegal.

That is why I have chosen the next document: it is an article from The New York Times writing by Jose Antonio Vargas. The man explains that when he was 16, he rode his bike to an office to get his driver permit. But he learnt that he had fake papers. His grand father Lolo had told him that he has crossed the border illegally with his parents and that he was not XX American. Nowadays, it is a real problem in the US. A lot of immigrants are living in the shadow, because they know that they could be arrested. They fear they might be deported in a country where they know nothing, even how to talk, because the went to the US when they were just child. But this people can’t live legally. They don’t have real job, real papers. A lot of them think it is not fair because they worked= tense hard, they graduated, but they are not Americans. Nowadays Jose Antonio Vegas is still an undocumented immigrant. In this point of view, the US should close the border, to prevent people from living in the shadow.

The last document is a cartoon drawn by Dranteld. It is a pro-immigrant response to XXX opponents of immigration. Indeed, we can see Hispanics in 8 frames, who(modifierla phrase pour que l'antécédent soit bien une personne ...) are hard-working: one of them is washing the ground, an otherXXX is doing the dishes of a restaurant. They work here because they are not qualified. The cartoonist is pointing out that the jobs that immigrants take are jobs that Americans don’t want to do. On this way, illegal immigrants benefit the US economy. We can notice that also in the agriculture: 53% of the 2,5 farm workers(what do you mean?) in the US are illegal immigrants. If they were deported, there would be an enormous labour shortage. On this point of view, the US shouldn’t close the US-Mexico border: the migrants are benefit for their country.

To conclude, we have seen that more and more immigrants are coming to the US. Most of them are illegal and have to live in the shadow. President Obama said “We are a nation of laws and we are a nation of immigrants, and we can reconcile those two things.” I clearly share his opinion. The US face a big problem. They can’t close the border between the two countries: their economy is at stake. But (choisir une autre construction ...)they need to find a solution to make the exchanges between the two states a strength and not a weakness.





Réponse: Espaces et Echanges/oral de digorie, postée le 26-02-2016 à 11:16:40 (S | E)
Bonjour,

Merci à vous here4u !
Cependant je n'ai pas compris certaines de vos corrections :

- Then ? Ou est le problème ?
- The man explains ? I explain she explains ?
- "his driver permit" ? paraphrase du livre de José Antonio Vargas
- a job ?
- washing the ground ? laver le sol...
- enfin the US, they, their ? Pourquoi cela ne va pas ?

Voici le texte avec les autres modifications. Merci encore, et merci d'avace si vous pouvez m'expliquer pourquoi les points du haut sont faux. Cordialement. Digorie.


Today, I am going to talk about the notion Spaces and exchanges. First of all, exchanges can be defined as a movement or a circulation of people between two spaces. Of course exchanges can take different forms. Nowadays most immigrants expect to find better life conditions in a new country. The bigger migratory flow of the world is probably between Mexico and the US: there are about 55 million Hispanics in the US. That’s why we can wonder if the USA should close the US-Mexico border. In order to answer this question and illustrate the notion, we will focus first on the massive arrival of immigrants in America. Then we will analyse how the migrants live in their new country. Finally, we will explain why they are necessary to the American society. To illustrate this theme, we will work on three documents.

The first document I have chosen is a cartoon drawn by Greenberg representing two people. A man explains that he expects the minority to have better housing and health care, and better educational opportunities for employers. He looks a little bit confused and puzzled. Actually, he has realized the white percentage in California is going to decline. He fears he might be rejected and dreads his children might no longer get a good education. Indeed, the Hispanic population is always growing in the US and is becoming a majority. There are about 55 million Hispanics in the US which represents about 30% of the total population. They are more in Arizona and Texas than in the north-east, because the border between Mexico and the USA is actually in the south. Migrants look for a better life. But the problem is that most of the immigrants are illegal.

That is why I have chosen the next document: it is an article from The New York Times written by Jose Antonio Vargas. The man explains that when he was 16, he rode his bike to an office to get his driver permit. But he learnt that he had fake papers. His grand father Lolo had told him that he had crossed the border illegally with his parents and that he was not an American. Nowadays, it is a real problem in the US. A lot of immigrants are living in the shadow, because they know that they could be arrested. They fear they might be deported in a country where they know nothing, even how to talk, because they went to the US when they were just childs. But this people can’t live legally. They don’t have real job, real papers. A lot of them think it is not fair because they worked hard, they graduated, but they are not Americans. Nowadays Jose Antonio Vegas is still an undocumented immigrant. In this point of view, the US should close the border, to prevent people from living in the shadow.

The last document is a cartoon drawn by Dranteld. It is a pro-immigrant response to opponents of immigration. Indeed, we can see Hispanics in 8 frames, who are hard-working: one of them is washing the ground, an other is doing the dishes of a restaurant. They work here because they are not qualified. The cartoonist is pointing out that the jobs that immigrants take are jobs that Americans don’t want to do. By this way, illegal immigrants benefit the US economy. We can notice that also in the agriculture: 53% of the 2,5 farm workers in the US are illegal immigrants. If they were deported, there would be an enormous labour shortage. By this point of view, the US shouldn’t close the US-Mexico border: the migrants are benefit for their country.

To conclude, we have seen that more and more immigrants are coming to the US. Most of them are illegals and have to live in the shadow. President Obama said “We are a nation of laws and we are a nation of immigrants, and we can reconcile those two things.” I clearly share his opinion. The US faces a big problem. They can’t close the border between the two countries: their economy is at stake. But they need to find a solution to make the exchanges between the two states a strength and not a weakness.




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