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Spaces and exchanges aide-correction

Cours gratuits > Forum > Forum anglais: Questions sur l'anglais || En bas

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Spaces and exchanges aide-correction
Message de braawr posté le 19-04-2017 à 09:51:49 (S | E | F)

Bonjour,
j'aurais besoin d'aide, d'avis et d'une correction en vue de la préparation pour mon oral de Bac en anglais sur les 4 notions. Je vous présente mon travail sur la notion de Spaces and exchanges.
Merci d'avance pour votre aide et vos conseils.



Since many years, ways to travel around the world have evolved, making travel easier thanks to ships, planes. That increased business exchanges, tourism and migration. Now, in lot of countries, there are communities which come from another country and with another culture, and other religions have such a point there is neighborhoods for these communities. It creates multi-cultural countries. For example, London is the city where live people with the most different cultures We may ask is the multiculturalism is an asset or a burden in Britain?


Since the industrial revolution, crossing borders have been easier than before. The number of immigrants in western society is increasing, especially in England. It has an impact on British culture: 200 languages are spoken in England. United Kingdom is considered as a mix of all the different cultures that we can find in the world: they are Pakistanis, Indians, Bangladeshis. This diversity of culture attracts lot of multinational companies, which appreciate the diversity of hiring because of the linguistic variety of the staff.


The adaptation isn't the same way for all the immigrants. Some of them successfully fit into Wester societies, whereas others are still torn apart between their native culture and they new living condition. We study this confrontation between the different immigrant's integration in "Culture clash" by Monica Ali. On one hand, there is the Azad family with a couple and a daughter, that is well adapted to the European traditions, and on another hand, there is a couple, Chanu and Nanzeen, who don't speak English. When they learned that Azad daughter go to the pub and she dresses with a short skirt like European girls they saw a tragedy. But for Azad family the adaptation to the western values is a progress and to Mrs Azad the tragedy is that Bangladeshi women force westerners to accept their sari for example.
But this is not the case of all immigrants. For example, we studied a text called "Don't judge me". It's about two girls Rachel and Sahlah, Sahlah is an immigrant and have very religious parents and her future is chosen by them. Rachel can't understand that Sahlah could marry someone just because their parents chose to. But that is what Sahlah want to do and Rachal as a good friend accept it.


In my opinion, western societies should adapt more to immigrants culture, and that immigrants should respect the occidental way of life too. If everybody make an effort we can build a beautiful multi-cultural country


-------------------
Modifié par lucile83 le 19-04-2017 11:23



Réponse : Spaces and exchanges aide-correction de laure95, postée le 19-04-2017 à 10:12:41 (S | E)
Bonjour,

- Since (pas le bon mot ici) many years, (article)ways to travel around the world have evolved,
- That increased (mettre au present perfect) business exchanges,
- Now, in (article)lot of countries, there are communities which (pas le bon relatif)come from another country
- there is neighborhoods: there is + singulier.
- where live people:pas le bon ordre des motes.
- We may ask is the multiculturalism is an asset or a burden in Britain?: interrogative indirecte avec " we may ask".
Annonce de plan?
Définition des notions?


-Since the industrial revolution, crossing borders have (singulier) been easier than before.
- (article)United Kingdom
- they (there?) are Pakistanis, Indians, Bangladeshis.
- This diversity of culture attracts (artcle) lot of multinational companies, which

- Some of them successfully (pas à la bonne place) fit into Wester societies,
- We study this confrontation between the different immigrant(s)'s integration in "Culture clash" by Monica Ali.
- On (article)one hand, there is the (pas de the)Azad family with a couple and a daughter,
- When they learned that Azad daughter go (pas le bon temps)to the pub and she dresses (passé)with a short skirt

- But this is not the case of (for pas of)all immigrants.
- Sahlah is an immigrant and have (faute de conjugaison)very religious parents
- But that is what Sahlah want (faute de conjugaison)to do and Rachal as a good friend accept (même remarque)it.


In my opinion, western societies should adapt more to immigrants (marque de la possession) culture,
If everybody make (singulier)an effort we can build a beautiful multi-cultural country
Conclusion un peu courte.



Réponse : Spaces and exchanges aide-correction de braawr, postée le 19-04-2017 à 10:55:09 (S | E)

Bonjour,
j'aurais besoin d'aide, d'avis et d'une correction en vue de la préparation pour mon oral de Bac en anglais sur les 4 notions. Je vous présente mon travail sur la notion de Spaces and exchanges.
Merci d'avance pour votre aide et vos conseils.



I'm going to talk about the notion Spaces and exchanges. The exchanges can appear on many forms: people, trade, information or many years, the ways to travel around the world have evolved, making travel easier thanks to ships, planes. That increased business exchanges, tourism and migration. Now, in a lot of countries, there are communities that come from another country and with another culture, and other religions have such a point there are neighborhoods for these communities. It creates multi-cultural countries. For example, London is the city where people live with the most different culture. We can ask ourselve if the multiculturalism is an asset or a burden in Britain? First we will see why this multiculturalism can be a good point for countries and in a second part we will studies why that can be a problem


Since the industrial revolution, crossing border have been easier than before. The number of immigrants in western society is increasing, especially in England. It has an impact on British culture: 200 languages are spoken in England. The United Kingdom is considered as a mix of all the different cultures that we can find in the world: there are Pakistanis, Indians, Bangladeshis. This diversity of culture attracts a lot of multinational companies, which appreciate the diversity of hiring because of the linguistic variety of the staff.


The adaptation isn't the same way for all the immigrants. Some of them have been able to integrate into Western society Wester societies, whereas others are still torn apart between their native culture and they new living condition. We study this confrontation between the different immigrant's integration in "Culture clash" by Monica Ali. On the one hand, there is the Azad family with a couple and a daughter, that is well adapted to the European traditions, and on another hand, there is a couple, Chanu and Nanzeen, who don't speak English. When they learned that Azad daughter went to the pub and she dressed with a short skirt like European girls they saw a tragedy. But for Azad family the adaptation to the western values is a progress and to Mrs Azad the tragedy is that Bangladeshi women force westerners to accept their sari for example.
But this is not the case for all immigrants. For example, we studied a text called "Don't judge me". It's about two girls Rachel and Sahlah, Sahlah is an immigrant and has very religious parents and her future is chosen by them. Rachel can't understand that Sahlah could marry someone just because their parents chose to. But that is what Sahlah wants to do and Rachal as a good friend accept it.


In my opinion, western societies should adapt more to immigrants culture, and that immigrants should respect the occidental way of life too. If everybody makes an effort we can build a beautiful and powerfull multi-cultural country


 



-------------------
Modifié par braawr le 19-04-2017 10:14





Réponse : Spaces and exchanges aide-correction de here4u, postée le 19-04-2017 à 14:38:01 (S | E)
hello!

Souligné = maladroit, pas idiomatique, bleu = faux

I'm going to talk about the notion of Spaces and exchanges. The exchanges can appear on many forms: people, trade, information or many years, (still the same sentence? You're losing us!) the ways to travel around the world have evolved, making traveling easier thanks to very fast trains, ships,and planes. That increased business exchanges, tourism and migration. Now, in a lot of countries, there are communities that come from another country and with another culture, and other religions have such a point there are neighborhoods for these communities. It creates multi-cultural countries. For example, London is the city where people live with the most different culture. We can ask ourselveS if the multiculturalism is an asset or a burden in Britain? First we will see why this multiculturalism can be a good point for countries and in a second part we will studies why that can be a problem;

Since the industrial revolution, crossing border have fait de passer des frontières est ... been easier than before. The number of immigrants in western society is increasing, especially in England. It has an impact on British culture: 200 languages are spoken in England. The United Kingdom is considered as a mix of all the different cultures that we can find in the world: there are Pakistanis, Indians, Bangladeshis. This diversity of culture attracts a lot of multinational companies, which appreciate the diversity of hiring because of the linguistic variety of the staff.

The adaptation (to what? ) isn't the same way for all the immigrants. Some of them have been able to integrate into Western society WesterN societies(choose!), whereas others are still torn apart between their native culture and they new living conditionS. We study this confrontation between the different immigrant's integration in "Culture clash" by Monica Ali. On the one hand, there is the Azad family with a couple and a daughter, that is well adapted to the European traditions, and on another hand, there is a couple, Chanu and Nanzeen, who don't speak English. When they learned thatXXX Azad daughter went to the pub and she dressed with a short skirt like European girls they saw a tragedy. But for XXX Azad family the adaptation to the western values is a progress and to Mrs Azad the tragedy is that Bangladeshi women force westerners to accept their sari for example.
But this is not the case for all immigrants. For example, we studied a text called "Don't judge me". It's about two girls Rachel and Sahlah, Sahlah is an immigrant and has very religious parents and her future is chosen by them. Rachel can't understand that (il faut un pronom interrogatif indirect) Sahlah could marry someone just because their parents chose her to. But that is what Sahlah wants to do and Rachal, as a good friend, accept it.


In my opinion, western societies should adapt more to immigrants culture, and that immigrants should respect the occidental(boff!) way of life too. If everybody makes an effort we can build a beautiful and powerfull multi-cultural country




Réponse : Spaces and exchanges aide-correction de braawr, postée le 19-04-2017 à 15:24:40 (S | E)
Merci pour votre aide je n'ai pas très bien compris mes erreurs de la conclusion

Spaces and exchanges

I will talk you about the notion of Spaces and exchanges. Exchanges can take many forms: people, trade, information. Since many years, ways to travel around the world have evolved, making traveling easier thanks to very fast trains, ships, planes. That increased business exchanges, tourism and migration. Now, in a lot of countries, there are communities that come from another country and with another culture, and other religions, to such an extent that it has neighborhoods for these communities. It creates multi-cultural countries. For example, London is the city with the greatest diversity of cultures. We can ask ourselve if multiculturalism is an asset or a burden in Britain ? First we will study why multiculturalism can be a good point for countries and in a second part we are going to see why that can be a problem.

Since the industrial revolution, crossed the border have been easier than before. The number of immigrants in western society is increasing, especially in England. It has an impact on British culture: 200 languages are spoken in England. The United Kingdom is considered as a mix of all the different cultures that we can find in the world: there are Pakistanis, Indians, Bangladeshis. This diversity of culture attracts a lot of multinational companies, which appreciate the diversity of hiring because of the linguistic variety of the staff.

All migrants were not integrated in the same way to the Western culture. Some of them have been able to integrate into Western societies, whereas others are still torn apart between their native culture and they new living conditions. We studied this confrontation between these unequally integrated immigrants in "Culture clash" by Monica Ali. On the one hand, there is the Azad family with a couple and a daughter, that is well adapted to the European traditions, and on another hand, there is a couple, Chanu and Nanzeen, who don't speak English. When they learned that the Azad daughter went to the pub and dressed with a short skirt like European girls they saw a tragedy. But for the Azad family the adaptation to the western values is a progress and to Mrs Azad the tragedy is that Bangladeshi women force westerners to accept their sari for example. But this is not the case for all immigrants. For example, we studied a text called "Don't judge me". It's about two girls Rachel and Sahlah, Sahlah is an immigrant and has very religious parents and her future is chosen by them. Rachel can't understand how Sahlah could marry someone just because her parents chose her to. But that is what Sahlah wants to do and Rachal as a good friend accepted it.

In my opinion, western societies should adapt more to immigrant’s culture, and that immigrants should respect the occidental cull way of life too. If everybody makes an effort we can build a beautiful and powerfull multi-cultural country. The future of our society appears like a colored one, full of different traditions






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