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Correction/major role in your life

<< Thèmes généraux, jeux, chansons || En bas

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Correction/major role in your life
Message de blackberry posté le 31-12-2009 à 13:49:11 (S | E | F)

Salut tout le monde,
j'ai une "rédaction" avec pour consigne : "Which person (famous or not) has played a major role in your life or has had a great influence on your choices ?".
Je voudrais svp s'il vous plaît que vous m'aidiez à le rendre clair et sans fautes svp. J'ai sans doute eu un problème sur la concordance des temps présent/passé, je pense avoir parfois mélangé les deux a la fois car je n'ai pas bien cerné le sujet sur ce point.

The person who I want to talk isn't like very famous actors,singers or sportsmen, I have chosen a person who I know for a very very long time. Because I think that we can't really know how are famous people, how they lives, how they think, ... Simply : What character they have ? and so I can't describe a person if I don't really know her. The person of my choice have a big part on my heart, is everytime here for me and played a major role in my life

This person who I want to present is beside me since my birth. He is one of the most important persons for me, It's my brother.
He understand me everytime, and together we laugh a lot.He is an extraordinary man.

He helped me when I have problems,he cheered me when I'm not sure,he bucked me up when I'm sad. And even if before it wasn't very beautiful between us because he didn't like me because I'm younger than him and so my parents tend to me more, now it's really the contrary, he has done a lot of strivings to be an exceptionnal person in my life, since that, the relationship between us is very strong and nobody or nothing could destroy it. I realized thanks to this relationship that family represents the most important relationship in the world. My brother gave me values as perseverance,courage,optimism,hope so he play the role of adviser. He listened to me, I can count on him that's very important for me.

Also, I can considered him as a keeper, I feel safe with him and he defend me when somebody wound me. He is very social and my friends who know him like him too. Certain would have a brother like me because they think that he is sole.

My brother plays and still plays a major role in my life. First he is my life's advisor, he is an outstanding brother, he is generous, and it's him who permited me to become how I am now. I can just add that he is my model. So I identify myself to him, I love him and I don't want to lose him for nothing in the world.



-------------------
Modifié par lucile83 le 31-12-2009 14:09
+ titre + forum


Réponse: Correction/major role in your life de seb06000, postée le 31-12-2009 à 14:27:08 (S | E)

 The person who I want to talk( il manque la préposition du verbe 'to talk...' qu'il faudra mettre avant le relatif, le relatif lui est en fonction complement du nom donc il manque un petit quelque chose)  isn't like very famous actors,singers or sportsmen, I have chosen a person who I know( temps à revoir, c'est une action qui dure et qui a commencé dans le passé) for a very very long time. Because I think that we can't really know how are famous people( how est ici relatif donc le verbe est mal placé) , how they lives (conj), how they think, ... Simply : What character they have( question à revoir)  ? and so I can't describe a person if I don't really know her. The person of my choice have( conjugaison)  a big part on my heart, is everytime here for me and played a major role in my life

This person who I want to present is beside me since my birth. He is one of the most important persons for me, It's my brother.
He understand (conjugaison) me everytime, and together we laugh a lot.He is an extraordinary man.

He helped ( les temps avec He sont à revoir, vous parlez au présent) me when I have problems,he cheered me when I'm not sure,he bucked me up when I'm sad. And even if before it wasn't very beautiful between us because he didn't like me because I'm younger than him and so my parents tend to me more (sens? il manque quelque chose) , now it's really the contrary, he has done a lot of strivings (mal dit)  to be an exceptionnal person in my life, since that, the relationship between us is very strong and nobody or nothing could destroy it. I realized thanks to this relationship that family represents the most important relationship in the world. My brother gave me values as perseverance,courage,optimism,hope so he play the role of adviser. He listened to me, I can count on him that's very important for me.

Also, I can considered him as a keeper, I feel safe with him and he defend (conjugaison)  me when somebody wound (conjugaison) me. He is very social and my friends who know him like him too. Certain ( calque du français) would have a brother like me because they think that he is sole.

My brother plays (il faut mettre au preterit)  and still plays a major role in my life. First he is my life's advisor, he is an outstanding brother, he is generous, and it's him who permited me to become how( erreur de relatif)  I am now. I can just add that he is my model. So I identify myself to him, I love him and I don't want to lose him for nothing in the world.

Voilà!
Amicalement
sébastien



-------------------
Modifié par bridg le 31-12-2009 15:09


Réponse: Correction/major role in your life de blackberry, postée le 31-12-2009 à 19:01:20 (S | E)
Salut tout d'abord merci. Voila ma correction, j'ai corrigé la plupart des choses mais je n'ai pas réussi à corriger 3 erreurs,je les ai donc laissé intacts pour que vous puissiez m'aiguiller peut-être un peu plus ?


The person who I want to talk( il manque la préposition du verbe 'to talk...' qu'il faudra mettre avant le relatif, le relatif lui est en fonction complement du nom donc il manque un petit quelque chose)  isn't like very famous actors,singers or sportsmen, I have chosen a person who I have known for a very very long time. Because I think that we can't really know how famous people are , how they live, how they think, ... Simply : What character they have( question à revoir)  ? and so I can't describe a person if I don't really know her. The person of my choice has  a big part on my heart, is everytime here for me and played a major role in my life

This person who I want to present is beside me since my birth. He is one of the most important persons for me, It's my brother.
He understands me everytime, and together we laugh a lot.He is an extraordinary man.

He helps me when I have problems,he cheers me when I'm not sure,he bucks me up when I'm sad. And even if before it wasn't very beautiful between us because he didn't like me because I'm younger than him and so my parents tend to me more than him, now it's really the contrary, he has done a lot of strivings (mal dit)  to be an exceptionnal person in my life, since that, the relationship between us is very strong and nobody or nothing could destroy it. I realized thanks to this relationship that family represents the most important relationship in the world. My brother gave me values as perseverance,courage,optimism,hope so he play the role of adviser. He listened to me, I can count on him that's very important for me.

Also, I can considered him as a keeper, I feel safe with him and he defends  me when somebody wounds me. He is very social and my friends who know him like him too. Some would have a brother like me because they think that he is sole.

My brother played  and still plays a major role in my life. First he is my life's advisor, he is an outstanding brother, he is generous, and it's him who permited me to become who  I am now. I can just add that he is my model. So I identify myself to him, I love him and I don't want to lose him for nothing in the world.




Réponse: Correction/major role in your life de seb06000, postée le 31-12-2009 à 19:02:55 (S | E)
re

Les corrections que vous avez apportées sont bonnes selon moi!

Attendons une lecture d'un autre membre!

Amicalement

sébastien

-------------------
Modifié par lucile83 le 02-01-2010 08:59


Réponse: Correction/major role in your life de blackberry, postée le 31-12-2009 à 19:37:19 (S | E)
Ok mais que me proposez vous pour les erreurs que je n'ai pas reussi a corriger ? (en rouge)


Réponse: Correction/major role in your life de blackberry, postée le 02-01-2010 à 01:03:45 (S | E)
Quelqu'un d'autres ?


Réponse: Correction/major role in your life de seb06000, postée le 02-01-2010 à 09:06:47 (S | E)
bonjour,

proposez nous une correction pour les choses en rouge je ne peux vous aider davantage!

Amicalement

sébastien


Réponse: Correction/major role in your life de lucile83, postée le 02-01-2010 à 09:08:33 (S | E)
Hello,
Il vous reste à corriger ceci, nous ne le ferons pas à votre place:
The person who I want to talk (voir les relatifs)
Simply : What character they have( question à revoir) ?
he has done a lot of strivings (mal dit)
+
a person who I have known for a very very long time (relatif)
don't really know her. (pronom her)
everytime here for me and played a major (everytime? + pourquoi prétérit?)

Corrigez déjà cela, il reste d'autres fautes,il faudra tout reprendre.
Best wishes.


Réponse: Correction/major role in your life de taconnet, postée le 02-01-2010 à 11:49:28 (S | E)
Bonjour.

Sans oublier celle-ci:

This person who I want to present is beside me since my birth. He is one of the most important persons for me, It's my brother.


Réponse: Correction/major role in your life de blackberry, postée le 03-01-2010 à 21:38:53 (S | E)
Bonjour, j'ai deux problemes, je ne sais pas comment exprimer le fait qu'il ai fait des efforts et je ne sais pas comment dire "Quels caracteres (mentaux) ils ont". Sinon je repropose ceci :

The person who I want to talk isn't like very famous actors,singers or sportsmen, I have chosen a person who I have known for a very very long time. Because I think that we can't really know how famous people are , how they live, how they think, ... Simply : What are their character ? and so I can't describe a person if I don't really know him. The person of my choice has  a big part on my heart, is here for me and play a major role in my life

This person who I want to present is beside me since my birth. He is one of the most important persons for me, It's my brother.
He understands me everytime, and together we laugh a lot.He is an extraordinary man.

He helps me when I have problems,he cheers me when I'm not sure,he bucks me up when I'm sad. And even if before it wasn't very beautiful between us because he didn't like me because I'm younger than him and so my parents tend to me more than him, now it's really the contrary, he has done a lot of strivings to be an exceptionnal person in my life, since that, the relationship between us is very strong and nobody or nothing could destroy it. I realized thanks to this relationship that family represents the most important relationship in the world. My brother gave me values as perseverance,courage,optimism,hope so he play the role of adviser. He listened to me, I can count on him that's very important for me.

Also, I can considered him as a keeper, I feel safe with him and he defends  me when somebody wounds me. He is very social and my friends who know him like him too. Some would have a brother like me because they think that he is sole.

My brother played  and still plays a major role in my life. First he is my life's advisor, he is an outstanding brother, he is generous, and it's him who permited me to become who  I am now. I can just add that he is my model. So I identify myself to him, I love him and I don't want to lose him for nothing in the world.




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