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Message de lilou04 posté le 10-08-2010 à 16:36:32 (S | E | F)
Dear (name of the person):
I first learned about (name of the school) through my school counselor while I was studying in Vietnam at a school with an American-based curriculum called Saigon South Int’l School. I’m a Belgian citizen with half Korean origins from my mother. My dream would be to study at (name of the school) to obtain a BBA in Int’l hotel management with either hotel design and project management or culinary business management.
I lived for seven years in Ho Chi Minh City, Vietnam where I studied English for seven years in an American International School. I have recently moved back to my home country where I have continued to follow most of my classes in English through the British English immersion program provided by my school and also to improve my French.
I have met with the Dean of (name of the school) during a university gathering back in Viet Nam during which we conversed in both English and Spanish and where he assured me that I was the perfect candidate to excel in the industry. Baking is one of my deepest passions and hobby and I would like to have the opportunity to expand my horizons in the various areas of the hospitality industry. I wish to be able to work in some of the best hotels of the world as I love to travel and am very open to contact with others. Furthermore, I also dream to one day be able to open and manage my own restaurants and/or hotels. I really believe that (name of the school) is the perfect place for me as I know that it would provide me with the necessary skills to achieve my goals.
To conclude, thanks to the world-renowned quality of education and to the wondrous location of (name of the school), I would benefit from amazing working conditions. Moreover, I strongly believe that I have the leadership and motivation needed to excel as a student at your school and in the hospitality industry. I really look forward to meeting you in person on the 24th of September and thank you for your time and consideration.
Sincerely yours,
(my name)
Please help me, give me some piece of advice and don't hesitate to correct. Your help will be greatly appreciated...
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Modifié par bridg le 10-08-2010 16:41
Forum
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Modifié par lilou04 le 10-08-2010 16:59
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Modifié par bridg le 10-08-2010 19:58
Merci, à l'avenir, d'avoir l'amabilité de ne pas effacer le travail de correction des modérateurs.
Cordialement.
Réponse: Lettre de motivation pr université de notrepere, postée le 10-08-2010 à 17:46:01 (S | E)
Hello!Very good work. I don't have a lot of suggestions or corrections.
I lived for seven years in Ho Chi Minh City, Vietnam
I lived in Ho Chi Minh City, Vietnam for seven years where I studied English in an American International School.
I have met with the Dean of (name of the school) during a university gathering back in Viet Nam during which we conversed in both English and Spanish and where he assured me that I was the perfect candidate to excel in the industry. Baking is one of my deepest passions and hobby (hobbies) and I would like to have the opportunity to expand my horizons in the various areas of the hospitality industry. I wish to be able to work in some of the best hotels of the world as I love to travel and am very open to contact with others (very outgoing). Furthermore, I also dream to one day be able to open and manage my own restaurants and/or hotels. I really believe that (name of the school) is the perfect place for me as I know that it would provide me with the necessary skills to achieve my goals.
To conclude, thanks to the world-renowned quality of education and to the wondrous location of (name of the school), I would benefit from amazing working conditions. Moreover, I strongly believe that I have the leadership and motivation needed to excel as a student at your school and in the hospitality industry. I really look forward to meeting you in person on the 24th of September and thank you for your time and consideration.
Réponse: Lettre de motivation pr université de sheepishly, postée le 10-08-2010 à 20:42:47 (S | E)
Hello,
Je commencerai par un 'KIAAAAAHHHH' puissant pour cette faute du present perfect...
I learnt that present perfect is ALWAYS used with 'for and since'. We cannot use the preterit. So your sentence will be more correct if you'd say :
I've been living
Depend if you're still living over there or not.
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Modifié par bridg le 10-08-2010 20:45
Hello sheepishly 
This is incorrect. It is implied that the poster is not living there any longer. The duration is specified, it's in the past, it is not continuing today, the correct answer is preterit.
There is a difference in usage of the Present Perfect between American and British English when the time is not specified. For instance:
Shakespeare has written 37 plays.
Shakespeare wrote 37 plays.
But in this case, I don't think British English specifies the use of Present Perfect when a specific time is specified and the statement is no longer true.
Have a nice day
Réponse: Lettre de motivation pr université de may, postée le 11-08-2010 à 03:24:57 (S | E)
Hello,
sheepishly was not completely wrong. There is a confusion about the tense used in this context. Obviously, the poster was not in Vietnam any more. Therefore, I suggest using past perfect and past perfect continuous
I
How does that sound?
Bonne nuit,
Réponse: Lettre de motivation pr université de notrepere, postée le 11-08-2010 à 04:29:19 (S | E)
Hello May-I don't personally prefer this structure. For me, past perfect continuous always implies that there is another consequential action (usually with the words BEFORE or WHEN) following it. For instance,
I had been living in Vietnam for four years BEFORE I graduated from school.
I had been living in Vietnam for seven years BEFORE I lived in Belgium.
I had only been living in Vietnam for a month WHEN I heard the bad news.
I just don't think it's necessary in this case. It may be a difference in preference between BE and AE. The poster spent many years learning American English and perhaps that's why preterit didn't bother me -- because it's exactly what I would have said.
Have a nice day...
Réponse: Lettre de motivation pr université de willy, postée le 11-08-2010 à 07:44:25 (S | E)
Hello!
Pour sheepishly :
Voilà une erreur très fréquente : ""for" et "since" demandent le present perfect". Faux ! Beaucoup de temps sont possibles.
Dans l'exemple qui nous occupe, "lived" est le seul temps à utiliser (without a shadow of doubt) pour cette action passée : il n'habite plus au Vietnam. Et il n'y a aucune nuance d'antériorité.
La phrase du texte original est donc correcte au niveau du temps du premier verbe ; il n'y a qu'un problème dans l'ordre des compléments selon la formule Manner, Place, Time. Il a été corrigé par notrepere.
Réponse: Lettre de motivation pr université de lilou04, postée le 11-08-2010 à 15:57:16 (S | E)
Here are the changes I've brought to my text. it should be the final draft unless somebody has some final suggestions as I have to send it today.... but apart from that, thank you for all your help!!!! 
oh and I'm sorry for all the confusion with the tenses since I have an American English base but am now in a British English school so yeah... I kind of get confused myself sometimes -_- but thank you so much =D
I first learned about (name of the school) through my school counselor while I was studying in Viet Nam at a school with an American-based curriculum called Saigon South Int’l School. I am half Korean and half Belgian and even though I have an EU passport, I consider myself a world citizen. My dream would be to study at (name of the school) to obtain a BBA honors in Int’l hotel management with either hotel design and project management or culinary business management.
I lived in Ho Chi Minh City, Vietnam for seven years where I studied English for seven years in an American International School. I have recently moved back to my home country where I have continued to follow most of my classes in English through the British English immersion program provided by my school and also to improve my mother tongue, French.
I met with the Dean of (name of the school)during a university gathering back in Viet Nam. We conversed in both English and Spanish and he assured me that I was the perfect candidate to excel in the industry. My love of languages and of the culinary arts combined with my experiences living in different cultures is what formed my aspiration for a career in International hospitality. I would like to have the opportunity to expand my horizons in the various areas of the hospitality industry. I wish to be able to work in some of the best hotels of the world as I love to travel and am very open to contact with others. Furthermore, I also dream to one day be able to open and manage my own restaurants and/or hotels. I really believe that (name of the school) is the perfect place for me as I know that it would provide me with the necessary skills to achieve my goals.
To conclude, thanks to the world-renowned quality of education and to the wondrous location of (name of the school), I would benefit from amazing studying conditions. Moreover, I strongly believe that I have the leadership skills and motivation needed to excel as a student at your school and in the hospitality industry. I really look forward to meeting you in person on the 24th of September. Thank you for your time and consideration.
Sincerely yours,
(my name)
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Modifié par willy le 12-08-2010 09:10
Réponse: Lettre de motivation pr université de may, postée le 12-08-2010 à 03:17:23 (S | E)
Bonsoir lilou04,
Your text is very good then. I just want to add some suggestions ( hopefully, it's not too late!)
I lived in Ho Chi Minh City, Vietnam (for seven years) where I studied English for seven years in an American International School
( avoid to repeat seven years), as notrepere's correction. ( however, the period of seven years of studying English is more important)
Also, for the verb to move , it's better to put in past tense rather than present perfect tense.
for notrepere and willy, here's my idea when I want to use past perfect and pp continuous:
Before I moved back to my home country where I have continued....., I had been living for seven years in Ho chi Minh city...
Bonne nuit.
Réponse: Lettre de motivation pr université de sheepishly, postée le 12-08-2010 à 11:55:55 (S | E)
Hello,
What a terrible confusion about the right tense ! I just told what I've learnt for many years now. My teacher kept on saying we must use present perfect with 'for and since'. So, I've simply brought my mind.
Sorry for what I've made. I can see it's a real mess !
See you, and good luck for your next years, dear lilou04 !
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