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Application/Lithuania
Message de sporadique posté le 06-12-2010 à 22:00:07 (S | E | F)
Hello everyone,
Once again, I've wrote made an application letter in order to travel and improve my English skills. I would like to thank lamy for her help with the previous one.
This time, my school offers the possibility to go to Lithuaniaduring for two weeks. I've made a bigger effort to use new vocabulary but I'm afraid that I did it in the wrong way.
Please, could someone tell me what mistakes I've done ?
Thank you in advance,
Sporadique
Dir Sir or Madam,
I’m an IT student and I’m writing this letter to you in hope to be part of the WISDOM project.
I’ve already applied for the Erasmus program because it would be thoroughly useful for me to spend my third year in Great Britain. Owing to that, I’m really interested to go to Vilnius. Indeed, it’s a perfect opportunity to practice English in an immersion context and more than that, the subject seems quite stimulating inasmuch as it’s a kind of implementation of our databases course.
It would therefore be killing two birds with one stones, as on the one hand it would make me able to assess what I’m worth regarding my English skills while on the other hand I could learn something that might be very useful in my future profession.
I try to improve myself as many times as possible, but it’s mostly in a passive way, watching movies or reading articles. Thus, I’ve some comprehension skills, even if my ears are not as effective as they should be, but making sentences takes me much time.
If I’m granted the possibility to travel to Lithuania, I could determine if I’m able to handle a whole year in an English-speaking country besides the fact it would be an actual help to ameliorate my knowledge of English. Moreover, I never went to Eastern Europe, and Vilnius seems to be a beautiful city.
Thank you for your time and consideration. I would be happy to attend for interview at your convenience.
Yours faithfully,
Sporadique
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Modifié par lucile83 le 06-12-2010 22:14
Message de sporadique posté le 06-12-2010 à 22:00:07 (S | E | F)
Hello everyone,
Once again, I've
This time, my school offers the possibility to go to Lithuania
Please, could someone tell me what mistakes I've done ?
Thank you in advance,
Sporadique
Dir Sir or Madam,
I’m an IT student and I’m writing this letter to you in hope to be part of the WISDOM project.
I’ve already applied for the Erasmus program because it would be thoroughly useful for me to spend my third year in Great Britain. Owing to that, I’m really interested to go to Vilnius. Indeed, it’s a perfect opportunity to practice English in an immersion context and more than that, the subject seems quite stimulating inasmuch as it’s a kind of implementation of our databases course.
It would therefore be killing two birds with one stones, as on the one hand it would make me able to assess what I’m worth regarding my English skills while on the other hand I could learn something that might be very useful in my future profession.
I try to improve myself as many times as possible, but it’s mostly in a passive way, watching movies or reading articles. Thus, I’ve some comprehension skills, even if my ears are not as effective as they should be, but making sentences takes me much time.
If I’m granted the possibility to travel to Lithuania, I could determine if I’m able to handle a whole year in an English-speaking country besides the fact it would be an actual help to ameliorate my knowledge of English. Moreover, I never went to Eastern Europe, and Vilnius seems to be a beautiful city.
Thank you for your time and consideration. I would be happy to attend for interview at your convenience.
Yours faithfully,
Sporadique
-------------------
Modifié par lucile83 le 06-12-2010 22:14
Réponse: Application/Lithuania de lamy, postée le 06-12-2010 à 23:08:30 (S | E)
Hello
Very kind of you, thanks a lot!.
Cela dit, petit conseil d’ordre général: le français fait des phrases compliquées, avec des subordonnées, des appositions, des compléments de toutes sortes… Ne faites pas ça en anglais. L’anglais, surtout commercial, se veut simple. Très ‘matter of fact’.
Je vous renvoie à ce lien qui vous donne des exemples divers : Lien Internet
N'oubliez pas non plus qu'on ne met pas de formes courtes dans des lettres. J'ai corrigé d'office !
…
Please, could someone tell me which mistakes I've made ?
Thank you in advance
Dear Sir or Madam,
I am an IT student and I am writing this letter to you in the hope of being part of the WISDOM project.
I have already applied for the Erasmus program because it would be thoroughly useful for me to spend my third year in Great Britain. Owing to that (= en raison de ça)--> That is the reason why I am really interested in going to Vilnius. Indeed, it is a perfect opportunity to practice English in an immersion context and more than that, the subject seems quite stimulating inasmuch as it’s a kind of implementation of our databases course. (= un peu alambiqué. Faites plus simple)
It would therefore be killing two birds with one stones, --> I would like to kill two birds with one stone as on the one hand it would make me able --> It would enable me to assess what I am worth regarding my English skills while on the other hand I could learn something that would (might est trop aléatoire) be very useful in my future job.
I try to improve myself as many times -> much as I can, but it is mainly in a passive way, by watching movies or reading articles. Thus, I have some comprehension skills (?), even if my ears are not as effective --> good as they should be, but making sentences takes me much time.
If I am granted the possibility to travel to Lithuania, I could --> will be able to determine if I can handle a whole year in an English-speaking country (besides the fact it would be an actual help to ameliorate à improve my knowledge of English = superflu). Moreover, I never went --> have never been to Eastern Europe, and Vilnius seems to be a beautiful city.
Thank you for your time and consideration (l’interview n’a pas encore eu lieu ) -> in advance. I would be happy to attend for interview --> look forward to being interviewed at your convenience.
Yours faithfully,
Réponse: Application/Lithuania de sporadique, postée le 08-12-2010 à 14:21:24 (S | E)
Thank you very much for such a quick and valuable answer !
Unfortunately, most of the new vocabulary I used was removed, but I have learned quite a lot writing this letter. As always, next will be better.
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