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Correction/ lettre Erasmus

Cours gratuits > Forum > Thèmes généraux, jeux, chansons || En bas

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Correction/ lettre Erasmus
Message de malouul posté le 25-12-2011 à 05:07:48 (S | E | F)
Hello everybody !

I've written a cover letter to apply for an English university (Erasmus programme). I first wrote it in French and then translated it into English, which is very hard to translate now
I know I have made some mistakes or that it doesn't sound correct (the awkward expressions are in italics) and maybe because I am on a holiday or because it's late, I can't find satisfying equivalent expressions.
So could you please help me?
Here's my letter :

Dear Madam,

Bordeaux III university's students are offered the chance to study a year abroad, in order to discover another culture and a way of life different from ours.

It is essential for me, as I aspire to be an English teacher, to go to a country which speaks the language I intend to teach, and the Erasmus program offer the opportunity to totally immerse oneself in another culture, another history, another way of life and another work habits. Choosing the United Kingdom as a destination naturally came to my mind since I particularly appreciate that country and that English will be the driving force behind my future job. / play a dynamic role in my future job. As I am currently pursuing the second of my three-year of English degree, my English is rather correct and I have an intermediate-fluent level. My Spanish is also intermediate and I speak fluently French since it is my mother tongue. I am a dynamic person, opened to other cultures as well and I enjoy travelling when I can. I realized during my studies that this experience was, for anyone who is decided on a teaching career, an opportunity one's should not miss. I would like to use this year to improve my English of course, but also my linguistic skills and I would like to open myself up to the English way of life. That is why I would strongly like to participate to that international exchange programme and thus acquire a strong and unique experience as well as a I would like to move beyond my normal course of study and explore some subjects not offered by my university, which would be beneficial on my future professional life.
My choice turned to Chester University when I discovered those partners with the programme, not only for the beauty of its cultural and historic heritage, but also and above all for the variety of the modules which are proposed to exchange students. Indeed, the relatively small structure, of which I am used to since I am pursuing my studies in the small town of Agen, made that university more friendly where it sounds judicious to me to study there and where I would adapt more easily, and so put more efforts into my work. Some people of my circle of friends who are currently pursuing the final year of their English degree over there only song the praises of Chester and definitely talked me into choosing to study in Chester rather than elsewhere. All these reasons led me to want to integrate that university, and spending a year abroad would be for me a unique experience on both the professional and the personal level.

Thank you for considering my application
Yours sincerely,

malouul.

(Thanks in advance !)

-------------------
Modifié par lucile83 le 25-12-2011 06:35


Réponse: Correction/ lettre Erasmus de notrepere, postée le 25-12-2011 à 07:01:03 (S | E)
Bonjour

It is essential for me, as (*) I aspire to be an English teacher, to go to a country which speaks the language I intend to teach, and the Erasmus program offer (1) the opportunity to totally immerse oneself in another culture, another history, another way of life and another work habits. Choosing the United Kingdom as a destination naturally came to my mind since I particularly appreciate that country and that English will be the driving force behind my future job. / play a dynamic role in my future job. As I am currently pursuing the second of my three-year of (2) English degree, my English is rather correct (3) and I have an intermediate-fluent level (4). My Spanish is also intermediate and I speak fluently (5) French since it is my mother tongue. I am a dynamic person, opened to other cultures as well (6) and I enjoy travelling when I can. I realized during my studies that this experience was, for anyone who is (7) decided on a teaching career, an opportunity one's should not miss. I would like to use this year to improve not only my English of course, but also my linguistic skills and I would like to open myself up to the English way of life. That is why I would strongly like to participate to (8) that international exchange programme and thus acquire a strong and unique experience as well as a I would like to move beyond my normal course of study and explore some subjects not offered by my university, which would be beneficial on (8) my future professional life.

(*) Dans le contexte, as = while; je pense que 'since' vaut mieux; on peut dire également: It is essential, as I pursue my degree in English, for me to go... qui veut dire "It is essential, while I ..." Vous voyez? On peut dire aussi "It is essential for me, since I am an aspiring English teacher/aspiring to teach English one day, to..."
(1) accorde
(2) inutile
(3) pas les meilleurs mots ()
(4) Je dirais: intermediate level of proficiency
(5) mal placé
(6) mettre après à la fin de la phrase
(7) je dirais 'has'
(8) mauvaise préposition

My choice turned to Chester University when I discovered those partners (9) with the programme, not only for the beauty of its cultural and historic heritage, but also and above all for the variety of the modules which are proposed to (10) exchange students. Indeed, the relatively small structure (11), of which I am used to since I am pursuing my studies in the small town of Agen, made that university more friendly where it sounds judicious to me to study there and where I would adapt more easily, and so put more efforts into my work. (12) Some people of (8) my circle of friends who are currently pursuing the final year of their English degree over there only sing the praises of Chester and definitely talked me into choosing to study in Chester rather than elsewhere. All these reasons led me to want to integrate (11) that university, and spending a year abroad would be for me a unique experience on both the (13) professional and the (13) personal level.

(9) Which partners? Do you mean that you discovered that they were partners of the programme?
(10) Vous voulez dire: available to? ou offered for?
(11) pas le bon mot
(12) cette phrase est trop longue; elle contient trop d'idées dans une seule phrase
(13) article indéfini vaut mieux à mon avis

En rouge, inutile, à supprimer. Il reste quelques fautes dans votre texte, mais il faut corriger celles que je vous ai indiquées en premier.


-------------------
Modifié par notrepere le 27-12-2011 01:51
French is just too difficult!




Réponse: Correction/ lettre Erasmus de malouul, postée le 25-12-2011 à 19:51:59 (S | E)
Bonsoir notrepere,

Tout d'abord merci beaucoup d'avoir pris le temps de corriger ma lettre. J'ai pu corriger les petites erreurs d’inattention (style offers) et les autres.


Pour le (9), ma phrase était : "Suite à la découverte des universités partenaires du programme, mon choix s'est rapidement tourné vers celle de Chester" mais la traduction anglaise de cette phrase était trop maladroite, je l'ai totalement changée.

J'ai relu et remplacé quelques expressions dans ma lettre. Pourriez-vous me dire si celles que j'ai utilisées sont correctes et pas trop familiéres pour un courrier administratif ?


Bordeaux III university's students are offered the chance to study a year in a foreign country in order to discover another culture and a way of life different from ours.

It is essential for me, since I am an aspiring English teacher, to go to a country which speaks the language I intend to teach, and the Erasmus programme offers the opportunity to totally immerse oneself (this expression sounds awkward to me because it sounds too concrete, is it correct in English and does it show the abstract meaning of the word?) in another culture, history, way of life and work habits. Choosing the United Kingdom as a destination for my studies naturally came to my mind since I particularly appreciate that country and that English will be the driving force behind my future job / play a dynamic role in my future job.

As I am currently pursuing the second of my three-year English degree, I have a proper English and an intermediate level of proficiency. My Spanish is also at an intermediate level of proficiency and I speak French fluently since it is my mother tongue.
I am a dynamic person, open to other cultures and I enjoy travelling and discovering other countries when I can as well. I realized during my studies that this experience was, for anyone who has decided on a teaching career, an opportunity one should not miss.
I would like to use this year to improve not only my English, but also my linguistic skills and I would like to open myself up to the English way of life.
That is why I would strongly like to participate in that international exchange programme and thus acquire a strong and unique experience as well as a I would like to move beyond my normal course of study and explore some subjects not offered by my university, which would be a real advantage for my future professional life.

When I discovered the universities partners with the programme my choice quickly turned to the town of Chester, not only for the beauty of its cultural and historic heritage, but also and above all for the variety of the modules which are available to exchange students. These ones seem really interesting to study (on ? Est-ce que la préposition apporterait quelque chose en plus ici ?), and would enable me to explore and learn subjects I wouldn't have the opportunity to learn with/in (Same thing here, I hesitate between the 2 prepositions) my university.

Besides, the relatively small work environment (I preferred work environment to work background), which I am used to up until now since I am pursuing my studies in the small town of Agen, made the place more friendly where it sounds judicious to me to study. I think I would adapt more easily, and so put more efforts into my work. Moreover, some people in my circle of friends who are currently pursuing the final year of their English degree over there sing the praises of Chester and definitely talked me into choosing to study in Chester rather than elsewhere.

I would like to join that university for all these reasons, and spending a year abroad would make me grow and would enable me to fulfil on both a professional and a personal level.

I saw that you were learning French so I take the liberty of correcting you about (3) pas les meilleures mots (mot est au masculin).



Réponse: Correction/ lettre Erasmus de notrepere, postée le 27-12-2011 à 01:40:50 (S | E)
Re-bonjour Bon travail

It is essential for me, since I am an aspiring English teacher, to go to a country which speaks the language I intend to teach, and the Erasmus programme offers the opportunity to totally immerse oneself in another culture, history, way of life and work habits. Choosing the United Kingdom as a destination for my studies naturally came to my mind since I particularly appreciate that country and that English will be the driving force behind my future job / play a dynamic role in my future job. (1)

Je suggère:

Since I am an aspiring English teacher, I believe that it is essential for me to go to an English-speaking country. To this end, I find that the Erasmus programme offers me an ideal opportunity to totally immerse myself in another culture, history, way of life and work habits of another country. I have chosen the United Kingdom because I have always had great admiration for this country and feel that it will greatly assist me in fulfilling my goals.

As I am currently pursuing the second of my three-year English degree, I have a proper English and an intermediate level of proficiency.

Je suggère:

Because I am in my second year of a three-year English degree, my English is very strong and I have an intermediate level of proficiency.





Réponse: Correction/ lettre Erasmus de malouul, postée le 28-12-2011 à 17:08:46 (S | E)
"to an English-speaking country" of course, why I didn't think about it !

Well, thanks a lot for your help again. You have greatly helped me in finishing my cover letter !




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