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Correction/lettre motivation
Message de bwaves13 posté le 29-12-2011 à 18:03:52 (S | E | F)
Hello,
Pouvez-vous s'il vous plaît m'aider à corriger ma lettre de motivation,
"Dear Sirs,
I’m looking for an internship of engineering.
I’m student at ... in 2nd year. It’s a school of Advanced Studies in Engineering in material. I’m interest for research/industrial internship in the field of materials.
You know already my school due to Mathieu X who made an internship the last year on the generation of self-healing hydrogels through the supramolecular assembly of polymer chains mediated by crosslinking through multiple-point hydrogen bonding.
I’m very interest by the field of biomaterial. A placement in your firm would enable me to complete my education on material and bring me an work experience in an Australian firm. I have a long experience of work, I have worked in the family firm of building since 16 years old. So I know what means to work. I’m expert in material due to my education in engineering and I prepare in the same time of my engineering diploma, a master of management at Euromed (one of the best French school of management). This twice competences extends my field of applications and make easier the integration to a new work team!
Encl. my Resume."
Merci d'avance pour votre aide.
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Modifié par bwaves13 le 29-12-2011 18:06
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Modifié par lucile83 le 29-12-2011 18:09
+ forum
Message de bwaves13 posté le 29-12-2011 à 18:03:52 (S | E | F)
Hello,
Pouvez-vous s'il vous plaît m'aider à corriger ma lettre de motivation,
"Dear Sirs,
I’m looking for an internship of engineering.
I’m student at ... in 2nd year. It’s a school of Advanced Studies in Engineering in material. I’m interest for research/industrial internship in the field of materials.
You know already my school due to Mathieu X who made an internship the last year on the generation of self-healing hydrogels through the supramolecular assembly of polymer chains mediated by crosslinking through multiple-point hydrogen bonding.
I’m very interest by the field of biomaterial. A placement in your firm would enable me to complete my education on material and bring me an work experience in an Australian firm. I have a long experience of work, I have worked in the family firm of building since 16 years old. So I know what means to work. I’m expert in material due to my education in engineering and I prepare in the same time of my engineering diploma, a master of management at Euromed (one of the best French school of management). This twice competences extends my field of applications and make easier the integration to a new work team!
Encl. my Resume."
Merci d'avance pour votre aide.
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Modifié par bwaves13 le 29-12-2011 18:06
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Modifié par lucile83 le 29-12-2011 18:09
+ forum
Réponse: Correction/lettre motivation de ndege, postée le 29-12-2011 à 18:33:13 (S | E)
Bonjour,
Je ne vois que cette partie à corriger :
I will be grateful to you for passing on this mail.
Et peut-être 'application' à la place de 'candidature'
Bonne soirée,
Ndege.
Réponse: Correction/lettre motivation de bwaves13, postée le 29-12-2011 à 18:30:25 (S | E)
Hello!
Tout d'abord merci aux modérateurs qui corrigent mes fautes de français!
Pouvez vous corrigez, si l'envie vous prend, la phrase de clôture de ma lettre de motivation:
"If you know friends or colleagues likely to be interested in my candidatrure I will be grateful to pass on this mail."
Merci de votre aide.
Have a nice day!
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Modifié par lucile83 le 29-12-2011 18:37
Topics fusionnés
Réponse: Correction/lettre motivation de bwaves13, postée le 29-12-2011 à 18:40:44 (S | E)
impec!
merci à vous pour votre aide
Réponse: Correction/lettre motivation de ndege, postée le 29-12-2011 à 19:20:50 (S | E)
Bonjour,
Il faudrait éviter les contractions dans une lettre de motivation : I'm => I am, it's => it is et etc.
Voici quelques corrections :
I am interested in a research/industrial internship in the field of materials.
You already know my school thanks to Mathieu X who did an internship
A placement in your firm would ... give me a work experience in an Australian firm.
I have worked in the family building firm (or building firm of my family) for 16 years
I am an expert in material
Along with my engineering diploma, I am preparing a master of management at Euromed.
This dual competence (singular) extends my field of applications and makes integration into a new workteam easier !
Bonne soirée,
Ndege
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Modifié par ndege le 29-12-2011 19:27
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Modifié par lucile83 le 29-12-2011 23:12
Réponse: Correction/lettre motivation de bwaves13, postée le 02-01-2012 à 15:35:09 (S | E)
Je vous remercie pour votre aide.
Voici la version corrigée; si vous voyez encore des fautes et s'il vous plaît, pouvez vous m'aider à les corriger. Je vous remercie par avance.
Dear Sirs,
I am looking for an internship of engineering in materials form April 2012 to august 2012.
I am student at Polytech’ Marseille in 2nd year. It’s a school of Advanced Studies in Engineering in material. I am interest in a research/industrial internship in the field of materials.
You already know my school thanks to Mathieu who did an internship last year on the generation of self-healing hydrogels through the supramolecular assembly of polymer chains mediated by crosslinking through multiple-point hydrogen bonding.
I am very interest by the field of biomaterial. A placement in your firm would enable me to complete my education on material and give me a work experience in an Australian firm. I have a long experience of work; I have worked in the family firm of frame building since I am 16 years old. So I know the meaning of work. I am an expert in material due to my education in engineering. Along with my engineering diploma; I am preparing a master of management at Euromed (one of the best French school of management). This dual competence extends my field of applications and makes integration into a new work team easier!
I am confident my qualifications will be of interest to you and I look forward to hearing from you. You may contact me at your convenience by mail or by phone.
If you know friends or colleagues likely to be interested in my candidature I will be grateful to you for passing on this mail.
Encl.: my Resume.
-------------------
Modifié par bwaves13 le 02-01-2012 15:35
Réponse: Correction/lettre motivation de gerondif, postée le 02-01-2012 à 17:16:43 (S | E)
Bonsoir,
Dear Sirs,
I am looking for an internship in
I am (manque "a" devant les noms de métier)student at Polytech’ Marseille in 2nd year. (I am a second-year student irait bien aussi) It’s a school of Advanced Studies in Engineering in material. I am interested in a research/industrial internship in the field of materials.
You already know my school thanks to Mathieu who did an internship last year on the generation of self-healing hydrogels through the supramolecular assembly of polymer chains mediated by crosslinking through multiple-point hydrogen bonding.
I am very interest by(in) the field of biomaterial. A placement in your firm would enable me to complete my education on material and give me a work experience in an Australian firm. I have a long experience of work; I have worked in the family firm of frame building since I am(prétérit) 16 years old. So I know the meaning of work. I am an expert in material due to my education in engineering. Along with my engineering diploma; I am preparing a master of management at Euromed (one of the best French schools of management). This dual competence extends my field of applications and makes integration into a new work team easier!
I am confident my qualifications will be of interest to you and I look forward to hearing from you. You may contact me at your convenience by mail or by phone.
If you know friends or colleagues likely to be interested in my candidature (application) I will be grateful to you for passing on this mail (to them).
Réponse: Correction/lettre motivation de bwaves13, postée le 11-01-2012 à 22:26:36 (S | E)
Merci beaucoup pour votre aide.
Voici la version finale! Si vous voyez des fautes, chapeau! Je la mets ici si ça peut servir aux futurs 2A...
Internship application from 04/2012 to 07/2012
Dear Mr. XXXX,
I am a student in my 2nd (out of 3) year of a Master’s degree at Polytech’ Marseille (a French school of Advanced Studies in Materials Engineering) and I would be really pleased to do a research internship supervised by you from April to July or August 2012.
I am greatly interested by your research on the improvement adhesion between particles in water and on the stable dispersions of graphene. A placement in your laboratory would enable me to complete my materials science education.
I have gained excellent knowledge of the solid state physics, physical chemistry of materials, crystallography... As part of my studies, I have worked in the laboratory of the national French institute of research (C.N.R.S.) to characterize materials.
While studying materials science; I am also preparing a master of management at Euromed (a French school of management). This dual competence extends my field of ability and makes integration into a new work team easier.
I am confident my qualifications will be of interest to you and I look forward to hearing from you. You may contact me at your convenience by email or by phone.
Please find enclosed my Resume.
Yours sincerely,
ESIL/Polytech’ Post-graduate degree in materials science engineering, 2013
(Lien internet
(English)
Euromed Master of Science in management, 2014
(Lien internet
(English)
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Modifié par bwaves13 le 11-01-2012 22:26
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Modifié par lucile83 le 12-01-2012 09:00
Réponse: Correction/lettre motivation de lucile83, postée le 12-01-2012 à 09:15:31 (S | E)
Hello,
Dear Mr. XXXX,
I am a student in my 2nd (out of 3) year of a Master’s degree at Polytech’ Marseille on met un 's' en anglais = Marseilles, sauf sur l'adresse car les postiers français ne sont pas bilingues) (a French school of Advanced Studies in Materials Engineering) and I would be really pleased to do a research internship supervised by you from April to July or August 2012.
I am greatly interested by your research on the improvement adhesion between particles in water and on the stable dispersions of graphene. A placement in your laboratory would enable me to complete my materials science education.
I have gained excellent knowledge of the solid state physics, physical chemistry of materials, crystallography... As part of my studies, I have worked in the laboratory of the National French Institute of Research (C.N.R.S.) to characterize materials.
While Along with studying materials science;pourquoi ce point virgule, cf correction de gerondif I am also preparing a master of management at Euromed (a French school of management). This dual competence extends my field of ability and makes integration into a new work team easier.
I am confident that my qualifications will be of interest to you and I look forward to hearing from you. You may contact me at your convenience by email or by phone.
Please find enclosed my Resume.
Yours sincerely,
Vous refaites des fautes qui avaient été corrigées, bizarre!
Vous faites bien de ne pas écrire: 'If you know friends or colleagues likely to be interested ...' demande à éviter.
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