Voilà ce que je pourrais te proposer. Il faudrait pour finir, que tu cherches les équivalents pour le contenu du programme, et que tu ajoutes quelques lignes sur ta motivation.  Fais attention à ton niveau d'anglais, les mots de liaisons étaient incomplets, il manquait des verbes/auxiliaires et le vocabulaire était trop approximatif. Il faut plus t'investir dans le travail de rédaction.

Bon courage!

Dear Sir or Madam,

I am currently a on my first year of a master's degree in sports management at the  (pas besoin d'article car il n'y a qu'une seule université existant sous ce nom) University of Paul Sabatier in Toulouse and I amwould be very interested in spending my next year in Cheltenham. I am particularly attracted by to the University of Gloucestershire, on the one hand because it is in the top three/it is among the best of the "New Universities" and on the other hand because you propose a master of sports management is composed of modules such as Sport Management Fundamentals, Understanding Consumers in Society, Sports Events Planning, Sport Facilities Management, New Business Development, Sport Tourism Strategy Appraisal and these moduleswhich correspond to my expectations and which are part of my curriculum. In fact I would That would enable me tohaveget a double competence in sports management but also in the tourissticm sector which is heavily developing in my native region.

England appeals to meis greatly appealing since because it hosts several major sporting events in 2012 such as the Olympics and Paralympics games. Continue Pursuing/continuing my studies in a new environment is would be a great motivator motivation for me, and spending a year in an English speaking country would enable allow me to improve my oral skill. Other way I also want to would like to discover a new way of livingfe, the exchange ofa different culture. is so rewarding for me, I already had had a similar experience in high school 5 years ago, I was in series ECOSOC and we left for 10 ten days in Poland to discover the Polishcountry's culture and Polish way of lifeand habits. This week is etched in my memory it and has had generated created in me the desire to travel, to open up to different cultures and I hope you would allow me to start by England.

(Eventually I know some students who were lucky enough to be accepted oin the ERASMUS program and they all told that this was one of the the most rewarding experiences of their lives, both on a professional and human termsplans).

Yours faithfully,