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Correction/Cover letter

Cours gratuits > Forum > Thèmes généraux, jeux, chansons || En bas

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Correction/Cover letter
Message de lyloush posté le 07-05-2012 à 11:49:57 (S | E | F)
Bonjour à tous.

Je dois écrire une lettre de motivation en anglais pour constituer un dossier pour intégrer une université américaine. J'aurais voulu avoir votre avis ainsi que quelques conseils ou des changements à faire. Et si possible corriger les erreurs de grammaire, de vocabulaire ou de tournures de phrase. Ceci est urgent donc j'ai vraiment besoin de votre aide.
MERCI ÉNORMÉMENT Merci énormément!

Dear Sir and Madam,

The purpose of this letter is to inform you of my interest to integrate your school. Thereby I would like to apply for a position as student abroad on the Business’ department. After having discussed with the person in charge of the International Relations, on the opportunities offered to the students concerning studying abroad, I decided to fill in an application form. Highly interested, I propose to you to examine my candidature.

Currently, I’m studying English and Spanish at xxx, France. However, I have always wanted to evolve in the business world. In fact, last year I was graduated from high school with honors. I got my high school Certificate specialized in Economic and Social Sciences. It confirms me in the idea that I am belong to have a career in international business.

My professional project would be to get my Bachelor and then a Master’s degree in business. Indeed, my aim it’s to run my own company in the USA, it’s kind of my American dream. As part of my professional project, which involves working in international business, the English language is a central point. It requires being fluent in English, and I do believe that living and studying few years in the USA would provide me with an excellent level, higher than the one I already have. In fact, I have been studying English for ten years; in high school I was in European section and English class option.
As part of my studies, I am looking for a study placement in a foreign country. Indeed since a long time, I have wanted to spend a while abroad, and especially in the United States. Having a passion for the English language. The passion I have for this language has been existing for more than ten years and keeps growing. It would be a great opportunity for me and it might be beneficial to improve my spoken English comprehension, and also my ability to communicate with English speakers. That may be essential for my integration into the professional life.

Moreover, I’m really interested in the Anglo-Saxon culture in general, but mostly the American’s one, which seems similar, and in the same time so particular. American culture gets me fascinated: its History, its society, traditions and its social behaviour are for me real centres of interest.
Indeed , throughout recent years, American music, fashion, cinema and television have influenced me a lot on my style of living. Moreover, I have a big liking for architecture and urbanism, hence my choice for the big cities. Being a staunch city dweller and worshipper of skyscrapers, what else could be better than the Americans cities. Although I do realise how difficult living in a city of several million inhabitants must be, I do not doubt that I would be thoroughly delighted and fulfilled there.
However, I am a dynamic person, open to other cultures and I enjoy travelling and discovering other countries when I can as well. I would like to use those years to improve not only my English, but also my linguistic skills and I would like to open myself up to the American way of life. My goal is to stay live in the USA as long as I can.

As I will steadily working to obtain a Bachelor of business. I am hoping to work for an international firm and would be particularly pleased to learn and have some training in your university. Hard-working, dynamic, altruistic and open-minded, I would gleefully welcome the opportunity to put my abilities on my studies to succeed.

I enjoy sharing, exchanging, discovering and I am very tolerant. Convinced that this experience would found me as a student as well as an adult, I extremely look to this opportunity. Living in the United States would be, for me, the occasion to broaden my culture and to better understand the American way of life, which seems vital for my professional future. It would help me develop a broader outlook on the world which would be very helpful and It would also be a good asset when I enter the professional world, showing my adaptability, and mobility.
In addition to that, social work highly interests me: I am willing to help those who are in the need. I have always been devoted to the wonderful task of helping the others. Furthermore, being completely immersed in a foreign country would offer me the possibility for growing up, freeing myself from my state of adolescence and would pave the way for my future.

I look forward to hearing from you soon and I strongly believe that my motivation, personal skills and studies will allow me to excel in a training position with you.

Yours faithfully

-------------------
Modifié par lucile83 le 07-05-2012 12:07


Réponse: Correction/Cover letter de bluestar, postée le 07-05-2012 à 17:45:07 (S | E)
Bonjour..

Here are a few suggestions for the first part of your letter..

Dear Sir and Madam, Mr. Smith (find out his name)

The purpose of this letter is to inform you of my interest to integrate (wrong verb)your school. Thereby I would like to apply for a position as student abroad on in the Business Ddepartment. AfterHhaving discussed with the person in charge of the International Relations on the opportunities offered to the students concerning studying abroad, I decided to fill in an application form. Highly interested, I propose to (wrong verb)you to examine my candidature.

Currently, I’m studying English and Spanish at xxx, France. However, I have always wanted to evolve (wrong verb) in the business world. In fact, last year I was graduated (temps?) from high school with honors . I got my high school Certificate specialized (wrong participle)in Economic and Social Sciences. It confirms me in the idea that I am belong (rephrase)to have a career in international business.

My professional project would be to get my Bachelor's and then a Master’s degree in business. Indeed, my aim it’s to run my own company in the USA, it’s kind of my American dream. As part of my professional project, which involves working in international business, the English language is a central point. It requires being fluent in English, and I do believe that living and studying (missing words) few years in the USA would provide me with an excellent level, higher than the one I already have. In fact, I have been studying English for ten years; in high school I was in European section and English class option.
As part of my studies, I am looking for a study placement in a foreign country. Indeed since a long time, I have wanted to spend a while abroad, and especially in the United States. Having a passion for the English language (where's the subject and verb?) . The passion I have for this language has been existing for more than ten years and keeps growing. It would be a great opportunity for me and it might be beneficial to improve my spoken English comprehension, and also my ability to communicate with English speakers. That may be essential for my integration into the professional life.




Réponse: Correction/Cover letter de bluestar, postée le 08-05-2012 à 17:24:37 (S | E)
Bonjour..

Here are a few more comments...

Moreover, I’m really interested in the Anglo-Saxon culture in general, but mostly the American’s one, which seems similar, and in the same time so particular. American culture gets me fascinateds me: its Hhistory, its society, traditions and its social behaviour are for me real centres of interest.
Indeed , throughout recent years, American music, fashion, cinema and television have influenced me a lot on (prep.?) my style of living. >Moreover (don't use this word twice in a few lines), I have a big liking for architecture and urbanism, hence my choice for (prep.) the big cities. Being a staunch city dweller and worshipper of skyscrapers,(apres "Being a staunch" etc. the next clause should start with "I") what else could be better than the Americans cities. Although I do realise how difficult living in a city of several million inhabitants must be, I do not doubt that I would be thoroughly delighted and fulfilled there.
However, I am a dynamic person, open to other cultures and I enjoy travelling and discovering other countries when I can as well. I would like to use those years to improve not only my English, but also my linguistic skills and I would like to open myself up to the American way of life. My goal is to stay live in the USA as long as I can.

As I will steadily working (verb?) to obtain a Bachelor of Bbusiness Degree, I am hoping to work for an international firm and would be particularly pleased to learn and have some training in your university. Hard-working, dynamic, altruistic and open-minded, I would gleefully ("gladly" is better) welcome the opportunity to put("apply" is better) my abilities on (prep.?) my studies to succeed.

I enjoy sharing, exchanging, discovering and I am very tolerant. Convinced that this experience would found me as a student as well as an adult, I extremely (misplaced)look forward to this opportunity. Living in the United States would be, for me, the an occasion to broaden my culture and to better understand the American way of life, which seems vital for my professional future. It would help me develop a broader outlook on the world which would be very helpful and Iit would also be a good asset when I enter the professional world, showing my adaptability, and mobility.
In addition to that, social work highly interests me: I am willing to help those who are in the need. I have always been devoted to the wonderful task of helping the others. Furthermore, being completely immersed in a foreign country would offer me the possibility for(prep.?) growing up, freeing myself from my state of adolescence and would pave the way for my future.

I look forward to hearing from you soon and I strongly believe that my motivation, personal skills and studies will allow me to excel in a training position with you.
--------------------------------------------
Well done and bonne chance!




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