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Correction/lettre motivation

Cours gratuits > Forum > Thèmes généraux, jeux, chansons || En bas

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Correction/lettre motivation
Message de antelop posté le 12-05-2012 à 22:57:17 (S | E | F)
Bonjour,

je souhaiterais s'il vous plait une correction pour la lettre ci-dessous. C'est une lettre que je dois envoyer à l'université où je dois effectuer une mobilité l'année prochaine.
Merci d'avance!

" I am a student in the third year of Physics at the University YYY. I joined the University after completing my high school diploma with honors, specializing in Physics-Mathematics, in 2009 in ...

My choice to pursue my studies in France was dictated by two main reasons. First, I wanted to get a good quality education, something that I was not ensured by staying in my country since the conditions of higher education are often difficult there.

The second reason is the following one. The years of higher education are as determining on the personal plan as the academic one; to go abroad provides an invaluable personal enrichment by developing many qualities: sense of adaptation, integration capability, autonomy, to name a few.
It is also an opportunity for cultural sharing and linguistic enrichment. I live that every day for almost three years I have been in France. And today I wish to repeat this experience in the United Kingdom.
I choose to go in an English speaking country for the importance of having good English skills in the professional world. If you want a career in research, as I envisage it, that is a necessity because English is a working language. I want to work as research and development engineer, in the field of renewable energies: a stay in the United Kingdom will thus enable me to perfect one my future work tools.
My choice of the University of XXX was motivated by his teaching methods as I could apprehend it through the curriculum. In fact, the syllabus of the University of XXX has the same common basis than the University YYY but it is teaching differently. In particular, much more autonomy is left to the student with fewer hours of tutorials and more personal work required.

Besides, many electives are offered at the University of XXX. This allows you to customize your courses according to your professional project. I want to enter into a master offered by the University YYY: "Renewable Energies and Effective Management of Electrical Energy". I am particularly interested in solar energy. That is why I have chosen in the XXX syllabus “Semiconductor Quantum Structures” and "Physics of Energy Sources". Such courses are not available at my University. Coming to XXX will thus allow me to have a first approach of these fields before beginning the fifth year courses.

In addition, I discussed with a friend currently in Erasmus exchange at the University of XXX. I also sought information on the Internet; my interest in your University was reinforced.

Thank you very much for considering my application.
Sincerely yours."

-------------------
Modifié par lucile83 le 13-05-2012 00:14


Réponse: Correction/lettre motivation de gerondif, postée le 12-05-2012 à 23:23:53 (S | E)
Bonsoir,

" I am a student in the third year of Physics at the University YYY .
(I am a third year student in Physics at **** University.) I joined the University after completing my high school diploma with honors, specializing in Physics-Mathematics, in 2009 in ...

My choice to pursue my studies in France was dictated by two main reasons. First, I wanted to get a good quality education, something that I was not ensured (something I was afraid I wouldn't get by staying...)by staying in my country since the conditions of higher education are often difficult there.

The second reason is the following one. The years of higher education are as determining on the personal plan(level?) as on the academic one; to go abroad provides an invaluable personal enrichment by developing many qualities: a sense of adaptation, integration capability, autonomy, to name a few.
It is also an opportunity for cultural sharing and linguistic enrichment. I live(à mettre au present perfect à cause de depuis) that every day for almost three years I have been in France (since I arrived in France). And today I wish to repeat this experience in the United Kingdom.
I choose to go in(déplacement!) an English speaking country for the importance of having good English skills in the professional world. If you want a career in research, as I envisage (ne semble trop français mais existe dans le dictionnaire) it, that is a necessity because English is a working language. I want to work as a research and development engineer, in the field of renewable energies: a stay in the United Kingdom will thus enable me to perfect one my future work tools.
My choice of the University of XXX was motivated by his(plutôt their) teaching methods as I could apprehend it through the curriculum. In fact, the syllabus of the University of XXX has the same common basis than(comparatif d'égalité!!) the YYY University but it is teaching (cette forme en ing paraot bizarre, le présent simple irait mieux) differently. In particular, much more autonomy is left to the student with fewer hours of tutorials and more personal work required.

Besides, many electives are offered at the University of XXX. This allows you to customize your courses according to your professional project. I want to enter into (verbe transitif) (j'aurais dit to go for, to apply for) a master offered by the YYY University : "Renewable Energies and Effective Management of Electrical Energy". I am particularly interested in solar energy. That is why I have chosen in the XXX syllabus “Semiconductor Quantum Structures” and "Physics of Energy Sources". Such courses are not available at my University. Coming to XXX will thus allow me to have a first approach of these fields before beginning the fifth year courses.

In addition, I discussed with (me paraît trop français)a friend currently in Erasmus exchange at the University of XXX. I also sought information on the Internet; my interest in your University was reinforced.

Thank you very much for considering my application.
Sincerely yours."(je l'aurais mis dans l'autre sens)




Réponse: Correction/lettre motivation de antelop, postée le 13-05-2012 à 11:49:58 (S | E)

  I am a third year student in Physics at **** University. I joined the University after completing my high school diploma with honors, specializing in Physics-Mathematics, in 2009 in ...

My choice to pursue my studies in France was dictated by two main reasons. First, I wanted to get a good quality education, something I was afraid I wouldn't get by staying in my country since the conditions of higher education are often difficult there.

The second reason is the following one. The years of higher education are as determining on the personal level as on the academic one; to go abroad provides an invaluable personal enrichment by developing many qualities: a sense of adaptation, integration capability, autonomy, to name a few.
It is also an opportunity for cultural sharing and linguistic enrichment. I have lived that every day since I arrived in France almost three years ago. And today I wish to repeat this experience in the United Kingdom.
I choose to go to an English speaking country for the importance of having good English skills in the professional world. If you want a career in research, as I do, that is a necessity because English is a working language. I want to work as a research and development engineer, in the field of renewable energies: a stay in the United Kingdom will thus enable me to perfect one my future work tools.
My choice of the University of XXX was motivated by his teaching methods as I could apprehend it through the curriculum. In fact, the syllabus of the University of XXX has the same common basis as the YYY University but it is taught differently. In particular, much more autonomy is left to the student with fewer hours of tutorials and more personal work required.

Besides, many electives are offered at the University of XXX. This allows you to customize your courses according to your professional project. I want to apply for a master offered by the YYY University: "Renewable Energies and Effective Management of Electrical Energy". I am particularly interested in solar energy. That is why I have chosen in the XXX syllabus "Semiconductor Quantum Structures" and "Physics of Energy Sources". Such courses are not available at my University. Coming to XXX will thus allow me to have a first approach of these fields before beginning the fifth year courses.

In addition, I talked about the student life with a friend currently in Erasmus exchange at the University of XXX. I also sought information on the Internet; my interest in your University was reinforced.

Thank you very much for considering my application.


Yours sincerely



Réponse: Correction/lettre motivation de antelop, postée le 13-05-2012 à 11:53:05 (S | E)
Hi! Thank you very much!

Ci-dessus, la lettre que j'ai arrangée avec vos suggestions et corrections (mes modifications en jaune)



Réponse: Correction/lettre motivation de gerondif, postée le 13-05-2012 à 16:07:31 (S | E)
Bonjour,
I am a third year student in Physics at **** University. I joined the University after completing my high school diploma with honors, specializing in Physics-Mathematics, in 2009 in ...

My choice to pursue my studies in France was dictated by two main reasons. First, I wanted to get a good quality education, something I was afraid I wouldn't get by staying in my country since the conditions of higher education are often difficult there.

The second reason is the following one. The years of higher education are as determining on the personal level as on the academic one; to go(going au gérondif passerait bien aussi) abroad provides an invaluable personal enrichment by developing many qualities: a sense of adaptation, a capacity to integrate, a certain autonomy, to name a few.
It is also an opportunity for cultural sharing and linguistic enrichment. I have lived that every day since I arrived in France almost three years ago. And today I wish to repeat this experience in the United Kingdom.
I choose to go to an English speaking country for the importance of having (because I find it important to have)good English skills in the professional world. If you want a career in research, as I do, that is a necessity because English is a working language. I want to work as a research and development engineer, in the field of renewable energies: a stay in the United Kingdom will thus enable me to perfect one my future work tools.
My choice of the University of XXX (My choice of Leeds University, par exemple)was motivated by his(its ou their) teaching methods as I could apprehend it through (described in their curriculum / which I discovered by reading their curriculum)the curriculum. In fact, the syllabus of the University of XXX has the same common basis as the YYY University but it is taught differently. In particular, much more autonomy is left to the student with fewer hours of tutorials and more personal work required.

Besides, many electives (je ne trouve ce mot que comme adjectif dans le dictionnaire en ligne) are offered at the University of XXX. This(ou They puisqu'il y a plusieurs options) allows you to customize your courses according to your professional project. I want to apply for a master offered by the YYY University: "Renewable Energies and Effective Management of Electrical Energy". I am particularly interested in solar energy. That is why I have chosen in the XXX syllabus "Semiconductor Quantum Structures" and "Physics of Energy Sources". Such courses are not available at my University. Coming to XXX will thus allow me to have a first approach of these fields before beginning the fifth year courses.

In addition, I talked (spoke serait plus soutenu) about the student life with a friend currently in an Erasmus exchange at the University of XXX. I also sought information on the Internet; my interest in your University was reinforced.

Thank you very much for considering my application.

Yours sincerely



Réponse: Correction/lettre motivation de antelop, postée le 13-05-2012 à 18:39:01 (S | E)
Bonjour,

J'avais trouvé "electives= cours facultatifs" dans le dictionnaire du site Reverso. Je vais remplacer par "optional courses". Je mettrai la version définitive de la lettre quand elle sera prête.

Je vous remercie vivement pour le temps que vous m'avez consacré.



Réponse: Correction/lettre motivation de gerondif, postée le 13-05-2012 à 19:02:18 (S | E)
Hello,
j'ai trouvé "electives" comme nom dans le Robert et Collins. Donc, ....



Réponse: Correction/lettre motivation de lucile83, postée le 13-05-2012 à 19:03:51 (S | E)
Hello,

J'ai trouvé 'elective' comme nom dans ces dictionnaires
Lien internet

Lien internet

mais c'est en AE (American English). Si vous allez dans une université britannique mieux vaut employer 'optional courses'.

PS: on a posté en même temps gerondif..et on est aussi curieux l'un que l'autre je vois!




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