Cours d'anglais gratuitsRecevoir 1 leçon gratuite chaque semaine // Créer un test
Connectez-vous !

Cliquez ici pour vous connecter
Nouveau compte
Des millions de comptes créés.

100% gratuit !
[Avantages]


Comme des milliers de personnes, recevez gratuitement chaque semaine une leçon d'anglais !



- Accueil
- Aide/Contact
- Accès rapides
- Lire cet extrait
- Livre d'or
- Nouveautés
- Plan du site
- Presse
- Recommander
- Signaler un bug
- Traduire cet extrait
- Webmasters
- Lien sur votre site



> Nos sites :
-Jeux gratuits
-Nos autres sites
   


Lettre motivation/Lausanne

Cours gratuits > Forum > Thèmes généraux, jeux, chansons || En bas

[POSTER UNE NOUVELLE REPONSE] [Suivre ce sujet]


Lettre motivation/Lausanne
Message de bafonie posté le 19-12-2012 à 20:15:34 (S | E | F)
Hello,
Could you help me and correct my mistakes ,if any.
Thank you for your answers.

Dear Madam, dear Sir,
Graduated from HEC (University of Lausanne) with a bachelor degree in Management specialized in Finance, I would like to apply for your trader junior programme.

I obtained the third place on 45 participants in the annual trading competition of HEC, the goal was to maximize the profit by tacking position in various financial instruments (Action, Bond, Futur, option ...) I am a serious and determined and ready to offer the best of my knowledge and skills to your company.

I already had an experience in Financial Markets through an internship of one year with the traders of********* in Lausanne, in 2007-2008 when the market collapsed. I was the support of the Equity
and Index Derivatives desk. It was a very dynamic time; I had to work very fast under severe pressure.

My work experience in Pharmatt as country manager during my university gave me the chance to put in practice all my knowledge and in the same developed new skills ; I know how to communicate with people from different culture, to be the voice of a team, to anticipate their problems and to find a way to resolve them.

I believe I have the combination of skills, experience and motivation to make a significant
contribution to your company.

I remain at your disposal for any future interview.
With the hope of a favourable response from you, please receive, Madame, Sir, my sincere regards.

-------------------
Modifié par lucile83 le 19-12-2012 21:17
Politesse



Réponse: Lettre motivation/Lausanne de bernard02, postée le 20-12-2012 à 02:50:18 (S | E)
Bonjour,

j'ai vérifié l'orthographe mais pas la grammaire ni les constructions des phrases. Je vous ai repéré en bleu les quelques points à revoir:


Dear Madam, dear Sir,
Graduated from HEC (University of Lausanne) with a bachelor degree in Management specialized (une lettre à changer si vous écrivez en anglais/britannique comme semble l'indiquer l'orthographe de votre mot "favourable" dans la dernière phrase) in Finance, I would like to apply for your trader junior programme.

I obtained the third place on 45 participants in the annual trading competition of HEC, the goal was to maximize (une lettre à changer si vous écrivez en anglais/britannique comme semble l'indiquer l'orthographe de votre mot "favourable" dans la dernière phrase) the profit by tacking position in various financial instruments (Action, Bond, Futur (manque une lettre), option ...) I am a serious and determined and ready to offer the best of my knowledge and skills to your company.

I already had an experience in Financial Markets through an internship of one year with the traders of********* in Lausanne, in 2007-2008 when the market collapsed. I was the support of the Equity
and Index Derivatives desk. It was a very dynamic time; I had to work very fast under severe pressure.

My work experience in Pharmatt (??) as country manager during my university gave me the chance to put in practice all my knowledge and in the same developed new skills ; I know how to communicate with people from different culture, to be the voice of a team, to anticipate their problems and to find a way to resolve them.

I believe I have the combination of skills, experience and motivation to make a significant
contribution to your company.

I remain at your disposal for any future interview.
With the hope of a favourable response from you, please receive, Madame, Sir, my sincere regards.

Bon courage.



Réponse: Lettre motivation/Lausanne de bluestar, postée le 20-12-2012 à 15:45:22 (S | E)
Bonjour...

Graduated from HEC (University of Lausanne) with a Bbachelor's degree in Management specialized (verbe -ing) in Finance, and I would like to apply for your trader junior(ordre des mots) programme.

I obtained the third place on (preposition incorrecte) 45 participants in the annual trading competition of HEC, the goal was to maximize the profit by tacking position in various financial instruments (Action, Bond, Futur, option ...) I am a serious and determined (nom manquant) and ready to offer the best of my knowledge and skills to your company.

I already had an experience in Financial Markets through an internship of one year with the traders of********* in Lausanne, in 2007-2008 when the market collapsed. I was the support of the Equity
and Index Derivatives desk. It was a very dynamic time; I had to work very fast under severe pressure.

My work experience in Pharmatt as country manager during my university gave me the chance to put in practice all my knowledge and in the same (recomposer)developed new skills ; I know how to communicate with people from different culture (il faut le pluriel), to be the voice of a team, to anticipate their problems and to find a way to resolve them.

I believe I have the combination of skills, experience and motivation to make a significant
contribution to your company.

I remain at your disposal for any future interview.
With the hope of a favourable response from you, please receive, Madame, Sir, my sincere regards. (La dernière phrase est trop formelle, presque victorienne. Il vaudrait mieux ecrire: Hoping for a favourable response, I am, Yours etc.)



Réponse: Lettre motivation/Lausanne de bafonie, postée le 24-12-2012 à 12:59:53 (S | E)
Merci beaucoup !!!!!!




[POSTER UNE NOUVELLE REPONSE] [Suivre ce sujet]


Cours gratuits > Forum > Thèmes généraux, jeux, chansons


 


> INDISPENSABLES : TESTEZ VOTRE NIVEAU | GUIDE DE TRAVAIL | NOS MEILLEURES FICHES | Les fiches les plus populaires | Une leçon par email par semaine | Exercices | Aide/Contact

> INSEREZ UN PEU D'ANGLAIS DANS VOTRE VIE QUOTIDIENNE ! Rejoignez-nous gratuitement sur les réseaux :
Instagram | Facebook | Twitter | RSS | Linkedin | Email

> NOS AUTRES SITES GRATUITS : Cours de français | Cours de mathématiques | Cours d'espagnol | Cours d'italien | Cours d'allemand | Cours de néerlandais | Tests de culture générale | Cours de japonais | Rapidité au clavier | Cours de latin | Cours de provençal | Moteur de recherche sites éducatifs | Outils utiles | Bac d'anglais | Our sites in English

> INFORMATIONS : Copyright - En savoir plus, Aide, Contactez-nous [Conditions d'utilisation] [Conseils de sécurité] Reproductions et traductions interdites sur tout support (voir conditions) | Contenu des sites déposé chaque semaine chez un huissier de justice | Mentions légales / Vie privée | Cookies.
| Cours, leçons et exercices d'anglais 100% gratuits, hors abonnement internet auprès d'un fournisseur d'accès. | Livre d'or | Partager sur les réseaux