Correction /Lettre motivation

Correction /Lettre motivation
Message de chalalala75 posté le 10-07-2013 à 12:58:07 (S | E | F)
Bonjour,
j'aimerais postuler pour un D.U civilisation et Droits de Common Law, option possible avec une Licence de Droit. Il fallait rédiger une lettre de motivation. Seulement, j'aurais besoin d'un peu d'aide pour la correction. Si quelqu'un de plus expérimenté pouvait m'aider, ce serait vraiment sympa ! Merci d'avance !

Dear Sir or Madam,

I am hereby applying for admission to "D.U Civilisation et droits de Common Law" in ... University, for the next academic year.

I always had a bent for English language, which also lead me to develop a keen interest in English civilisation and culture.

Indeed from my second form to my sixth form, I was involved in an European section at school. Lessons of History and Geography were taught in English, which permitted me to gain a wider vocabulary in these fields. Moreover, teachers were accustomed to organising debates about actual topics and news, and as a result my oral communication became more fluent.

Furthermore, I had the chance to receive strong basis in English civilisation, during years 2012-2013. My first year degree called "Parcours pluridisciplinaire bilingue anglais, lettres sciences humaines" enabled me to give several talks, to read a dozen books, to deliver presentations, as well as to write many essays, in English. These works reinforced my oral and written expression, along with understanding of the language. In addition to the specific skills I gained with this tasks, this first year experience allowed me to become as hardworking, thorough, and efficient as it is required in any serious University, and especially in challenging studies.

Later, I would like to continue my curriculum abroad, studying or working. Therefore it seems vital to me to learn Common law, used in several important English-speaking countries, as opposed to Continental law. Besides, given my past studies, it would be a shame to give up on learning English language and civilisation.

I can assure you I will thoroughly be committed and industrious in my studies, if you give me the opportunity to join this "D.U Civilisation et droits de Common Law" in ... University.

I sincerely thank you for your time and kind consideration.

Yours Faithfully.

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Modifié par lucile83 le 10-07-2013 19:30

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Réponse: Correction /Lettre motivation de saphy, postée le 10-07-2013 à 17:38:49 (S | E)
Bonjour,

En suivant les lignes:

- had a bent = sounds weird.
- in a (not an, because of the sound) European section.
- permitted = allowed est mieux.
- to receive = sounds like a postcard.
- thorough = ??? traduction littérale?
- industrious = same as above

Your letter seems pretty good to me, my students usually have the same kind for their Master's.

Good luck !

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Réponse: Correction /Lettre motivation de sherry48, postée le 11-07-2013 à 00:20:53 (S | E)
Hello.
Here are a few minor issues.

I always had a bent for ___ English language, (when you use both words, English becomes an adjective to describe a specific language)which also lead (tense)

Indeed from my second form to my sixth form, I was involved in an European section at school.
Furthermore, I had the chance to receive ___strong basis in English civilisation, during years 2012-2013.
In addition to the specific skills I gained with this tasks, this first year experience allowed me to become as hardworking, thorough, and efficient as it is required in any serious University, and especially in challenging studies.

Besides, given my past studies, it would be a shame to give up on learning ___English language and civilisation.

I can assure you I will thoroughly be (wrong place)committed and industrious in my studies, if you give me the opportunity to join this "D.U Civilisation et droits de Common Law" in ... University.

Sherry

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