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Correction/ lettre motivation

Cours gratuits > Forum > Thèmes généraux, jeux || En bas

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Correction/ lettre motivation
Message de maba31 posté le 16-11-2014 à 23:52:46 (S | E | F)
Bonjour,
je suis en master 2 et je dois écrire une lettre de motivation pour un stage de 6 mois, mais je ne suis pas trés forte en anglais. Pouvez-vous m'aider s'il vous plait?
Merci pour vos réponses.
Voici ma lettre :

Subject : To Apply for a placement included in master's degree

Dear Sir or Madam,

I am writing to enquire about the possibility of carrying out a work placement in your firm.
I am a student of master's degree in materials sciences at ... As part of the degree requirements, I must complete a 6-month internship with a company involved in material science. It starts from February 2015.
I decided to chose a company which works in treatment surface, that is why I want enter in your firm.

I have studied materials for 3 years, this has allowed me to have a strong scientific and technical bases in the fields of metals and alloys. I have knowledge in development and implementation of aluminium, titanium, and their alloys as well as steels. Moreover this semester I specialize in treatment surface as anodic oxidation (chromic, sulphuric) of aluminium. I know also treatments for steel like zing plating process.
I worked at xxx company for 1 month, at the beginning I was in workshop , I did the different treatment then I controlled and analysed concentration of baths. At the end I worked with engineer in research and development department. During my internships, I have managed to show adaptability, precision and dynamism. Furthermore, I am motivated et always enthusiastic. To carry out my internship in your firm will represent for me a great opportunity to progress.

This strong experience in metals treatments enable me to make decision in difficult situation and I know to show initiative. Indeed I believe my qualifications would match your requirements. I know very well anodic treatment but I don't have much experience in steel treatment, so I will be glad to enter in your company.
My education learnt to me autonomous, meticulous and have an open mind to find solutions without wasting time.

Thank you for your time and consideration.
I look forward to meeting you.

Best Regards

-------------------
Modifié par lucile83 le 17-11-2014 00:03


Réponse: Correction/ lettre motivation de bluestar, postée le 17-11-2014 à 15:17:34 (S | E)
Bonjour...

I am writing to enquire about the possibility of carrying out a work placement in your firm.
I am a student of Mmaster's degree student in Mmaterials Ssciences at ... As part of the degree requirements, I must complete a 6-month internship with a company involved in Mmaterials Sscience. It starts from February 2015.
I decided to chose a company which works in treatment surface, that is why I want to enter in your firm.

I have studied materials for 3 years, and this has allowed me to have a strong scientific and technical bases (il faut le singulier apres 'a') in the fields of metals and alloys. I have knowledge in ('am familiar with' est mieux) the development and implementation of aluminium, titanium, and their alloys as well as steels. Moreover this semester I specialize (forme progressive du verbe irait mieux ici)
in treatment surface as anodic oxidation (chromic, sulphuric) of aluminium. I know also (ordre)treatments for steel like zing (verifier orthographe)plating process.
I worked at xxx company for 1 month; at the beginning I was in workshop , I did the different treatment, then I controlled and analysed concentration of baths. At the end I worked with....(article)... engineer in...(manque l'article)... research and development department. During my internships, I have managed to show adaptability, precision and dynamism. Furthermore, I am motivated et always enthusiastic. To carry out my internship in your firm will represent for me a great opportunity to progress.

This strong experience in metals treatments enable (accorde de verbe) me to make decision (pluriel) in difficult situation (pluriel) and I know to show initiative. Indeed I believe my qualifications would match your requirements. I know very well(ordre des mots - adverbe après 'treatment') anodic treatment but I don't have much experience in steel treatment, so I will be glad to enter in your company.
My education learnt to me (utiliser le verbe 'to teach')autonomous, meticulous and have an open mind to find solutions without wasting time.

Thank you for your time and consideration.
I look forward to meeting you.

Best Regards - trop personnel pour une lettre d'affaires. "Yours faithfully" serait mieux




Réponse: Correction/ lettre motivation de maba31, postée le 19-11-2014 à 17:19:43 (S | E)
Merci beaucoup pour ta rapidité et ton aide précieuse bluestar!
Bonne soirée



Réponse: Correction/ lettre motivation de bluduck2, postée le 19-11-2014 à 18:57:14 (S | E)
hello maba31 , Bluestar vous a signalé la plupart de vos fautes .Cependant , il s'agit vraisemblablement de "surface treatment"("surface" qualifie,il se place donc avant le nom )
Je vous suggère de revoir les articles :ligne 8 :a workshp ,ligne 9 an engineer in the reasearch department.
Ligne 6,j'opterais pour le present continu :I am specializing ...(comme en ligne 2 :I am studying for a master's degree .
I hope this helps ! Bluduck2





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