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Correction/How children are socialized ..
Message from mermaid_han posted on 20-06-2009 at 16:00:58 (D | E | F)
Hello, could you correct my text please?
Issue
"How children are socialized today determines the destiny of society. Unfortunately, we have not yet learned how to raise children who can help bring about a better society."
The speaker asserts that the destiny of society is determined by socialization of children, and to some extent I agree with the point. Ones are various in the world, so we can not make a conclusion that socialization is the important fact that is relevant with the destiny of society. As to the next opinion, I have the same idea with the speaker and we still have to learn how to raise children in order to build a better society.
Socialization actually play an active part in children's growth. They can slowly understand cooperation, consideration and so forth which are very necessary between ones. For example, when children play football on the playground, he or she must have a nice cooperation with his or her teammates for victory. Besides, one also remains competitive with the opponent team and pays much attention to the football. It is very positive for children to take part in the games so that they will have the meaning of teamwork deeply and practically. Thus, through these, they will be socialized and adapt to the society easily. If children are isolated and do not like to hold intercourse with others, they may be anti-social in the future.It is socialization that make children know heart and sensation which will be tasted in society and future.
But, socialization may not determine the destiny of society. The society is composed of different ones, the destiny of which is the result of all the people's efforts, not only the socialized ones. In history, many famous ones contribute much to the society, of whom there are still some scientists, artists, and so on who do not communicate with others. Noble was well-known in the world, who had a depressing childhood because of a poor family and his illness, as a result that he became introverted. However, by his continuous efforts, he invited the dynamite and instituted the NobelPrizes.The foundations of the Nobel Prize were laid in 1895 when Alfred Nobel wrote his last will, leaving much of his wealth for its establishment. Since 1901, the prize has honored men and women for outstanding achievements in physics, chemistry, medicine, literature, and for work in peace. His contribution to the society is not connected with socialization but his bravery and industry. Not only Nobel, but also other outstanding ones underwent an isolated childhood without friends because of their inherent defects or parental stress on their practicing piano, painting and so on. They are really not socialized, but without the strict trainings, there would be not so many celebrated ones. In this point, the destiny of society is not only determined by children's socialization.
Unfortunately, adults really have not learned how to raise children who can help bring about better society. Children receive direct experience from parents, who have the responsibility to educate their children. In the competitive and complex society, adults have much good and bad experience which direct them to educate their children in order that they will succeed in future. As a result, children indirectly know the dullness of the society, and they may become too competitive and selfish, which will significantly affects their ideas of intercourse with others. In that way, children do not share food, toys or something else with each other and even fight for their own interests. So, adults should give intelligent advice to their children, but not cultivate their minds with extreme ideas. In this sense, adults have better try their best to educate children.
Above all, without efforts of all the people, there would not the density of society. Children are the future of society and should be educated positively
by adults. To the important, they should comprehend the meaningsof socialization by themselve
Thank you for your help.
-------------------
Edited by lucile83 on 20-06-2009 17:06
Message from mermaid_han posted on 20-06-2009 at 16:00:58 (D | E | F)
Hello, could you correct my text please?
Issue
"How children are socialized today determines the destiny of society. Unfortunately, we have not yet learned how to raise children who can help bring about a better society."
The speaker asserts that the destiny of society is determined by socialization of children, and to some extent I agree with the point. Ones are various in the world, so we can not make a conclusion that socialization is the important fact that is relevant with the destiny of society. As to the next opinion, I have the same idea with the speaker and we still have to learn how to raise children in order to build a better society.
Socialization actually play an active part in children's growth. They can slowly understand cooperation, consideration and so forth which are very necessary between ones. For example, when children play football on the playground, he or she must have a nice cooperation with his or her teammates for victory. Besides, one also remains competitive with the opponent team and pays much attention to the football. It is very positive for children to take part in the games so that they will have the meaning of teamwork deeply and practically. Thus, through these, they will be socialized and adapt to the society easily. If children are isolated and do not like to hold intercourse with others, they may be anti-social in the future.It is socialization that make children know heart and sensation which will be tasted in society and future.
But, socialization may not determine the destiny of society. The society is composed of different ones, the destiny of which is the result of all the people's efforts, not only the socialized ones. In history, many famous ones contribute much to the society, of whom there are still some scientists, artists, and so on who do not communicate with others. Noble was well-known in the world, who had a depressing childhood because of a poor family and his illness, as a result that he became introverted. However, by his continuous efforts, he invited the dynamite and instituted the NobelPrizes.The foundations of the Nobel Prize were laid in 1895 when Alfred Nobel wrote his last will, leaving much of his wealth for its establishment. Since 1901, the prize has honored men and women for outstanding achievements in physics, chemistry, medicine, literature, and for work in peace. His contribution to the society is not connected with socialization but his bravery and industry. Not only Nobel, but also other outstanding ones underwent an isolated childhood without friends because of their inherent defects or parental stress on their practicing piano, painting and so on. They are really not socialized, but without the strict trainings, there would be not so many celebrated ones. In this point, the destiny of society is not only determined by children's socialization.
Unfortunately, adults really have not learned how to raise children who can help bring about better society. Children receive direct experience from parents, who have the responsibility to educate their children. In the competitive and complex society, adults have much good and bad experience which direct them to educate their children in order that they will succeed in future. As a result, children indirectly know the dullness of the society, and they may become too competitive and selfish, which will significantly affects their ideas of intercourse with others. In that way, children do not share food, toys or something else with each other and even fight for their own interests. So, adults should give intelligent advice to their children, but not cultivate their minds with extreme ideas. In this sense, adults have better try their best to educate children.
Above all, without efforts of all the people, there would not the density of society. Children are the future of society and should be educated positively
by adults. To the important, they should comprehend the meaningsof socialization by themselve
Thank you for your help.
-------------------
Edited by lucile83 on 20-06-2009 17:06
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