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Correction/transport

Cours gratuits > Forum > English only || Bottom

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Correction/transport
Message from wangboniu posted on 03-06-2011 at 17:44:15 (D | E | F)
Hello, everyone,

Long time no see. I have written another essay about graph, which is the reason why I want to post a picture. But, it is OK. Welcome any suggestions.
Many thanks.
Best wishes

Topic
The graph below shows the quantities of goods transported in the UK between 1974 and 2002 by four different modes of transport.

Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.



A glance at the line graph provided reveals differences in the amounts of commodities transported by four forms of transport during the period from 1974 to 2002. It is evident that the total quantities of commodities transported in 2002 is many larger than it in 1994.

First, the most essential mean of transport was the road, which transport more quantities than others. More specifically, fluctuating around 70 million tones in the first 16-year period, the quantities transported by road saw a long-term increase from the end of 1980s to the beginning of the 1990s, to somewhere in the vicinity of 81 million tones. This was followed by a sharp decline to a low of less 80 million tones in the middle of 1990, before rising exponentially to almost 100 million tones in 2002.

Second, transport by water played a more crucial role than before. The figure by water was 40 million tones from 1974 to 1978. This was followed a huge growth to somewhere approximately 60 million tones at the beginning of 1990s, before a steady decrease to around 50 million tones in 1998. The latter four year, however, brought a considerable rise to somewhere in the vicinity of 65 million tones.

Third, the quantities of rail transport fluctuated between lower than 30 million tones and upper than 40 million tones in this whole period, with lows in 1984 and 1995 and highs in first five years and last five years.

Forth, it saw a considerable increase in the quantities of pipeline transport. Increasing exponentially from less than 10 million tones in 1974 to about 18 million tones around 1982, the speed of growth became slow during the next two decades. However, the increment speed came to fast again in the period from 1992 to 1996 and the figure reached the peak point at 22 million tones in 1996, which kept at the same level in the latter period.

It is very interesting to note that the development of the road is more rapidly than other forms of transport, and this trend was strengthened in this period.


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Edited by lucile83 on 03-06-2011 17:48


Re: Correction/transport from may, posted on 04-06-2011 at 01:32:07 (D | E)
Hello wangboniu,

Let me try to highlight some of the errors for you...


A glance at the line graph provided reveals/ an adjective differences in the amounts of commodities transported by four forms/another word of transportion during the period from 1974 to 2002. It is evident that the total quantities of commodities transported in 2002 is many/much larger than it did in 1994.

First, the most essential mean of transportion was the road, which transport/try another verb more quantities (of what/specify) than others. More specifically, fluctuating around 70 million tones in the first 16-year sixteen-year period, the quantities transported by road saw/show? a long-term increase from the end of the 1980s to the beginning of the 1990s, to somewhere in the vicinity of 81 million tones. This was followed by a sharp decline to/another prep. a low of less..... 80 million tones in the middle of 1990, before rising exponentially to almost 100 million tones in 2002.

Second, transportation by water played a more crucial role than before. The figure by water was 40 million tones from 1974 to 1978. This was followed..... a huge growth to/another prep. somewhere approximately 60 million tones at the beginning of the 1990s, before a steady decrease to around 50 million tones in 1998. The latter four year/plurial, however, brought a considerable rise to somewhere in the vicinity of 65 million tones.

Third, the quantities of rail transportation fluctuated between lower than 30 million tones and upper than 40 million tones in this whole period, with lows in 1984 and 1995 and highs in first five years and last five years.(in the first and last five years.)

Forth, it saw/showed a considerable increase in the quantities of pipeline transport.... Increasing exponentially from less than 10 million tones in 1974 to about 18 million tones around 1982, the speed of growth became slow during the next two decades. However, the increment speed came to fast/rephrase again in the period from 1992 to 1996 and the figure reached the peak point at 22 million tones in 1996, which kept at the same level in the latter period.

It is very interesting to note that the development of the road is more rapidly than other forms of transport, and this trend was strengthened in this period.

Change all the tones to tons.
Try to replace the verb transport by another one to avoid repeating...

Still a lot of sentence structures need to be worked on, however I am looking for your suggestions too.

Best wishes,


-------------------
Edited by may on 04-06-2011 01:32
Ooops! colors


-------------------
Edited by lucile83 on 04-06-2011 08:31
I did my best...Hope it is OK.


-------------------
Edited by may on 05-06-2011 01:18
That's so sweet!




Re: Correction/transport from wangboniu, posted on 05-06-2011 at 05:09:56 (D | E)
Hello,May
I tried to correct my mistakes. Thanks for your suggestions.
1) A glance at the line graph provided reveals differences in the amounts of commodities transported by four forms/another word of transportation during the period from 1974 to 2002.
a) subject---"A glance", predicate---"reveals", object---"differences";
b) means/mode/form of transportation/transport;

2) which transport/try another verb more quantities (of what/specify) than others.
a) which deliver more quantities of goods than others.
3) the quantities transported by road saw/show? a long-term increase
a) I think both of them are correct.
4) This was followed by a sharp decline to/another prep. a low of less..... 80 million tones in the middle of 1990,
a) This was followed by sharp decline of 4 million tons in the middle of 1990,

5) This was followed..... a huge growth to/another prep. somewhere approximately 60 million tones
a) This was followed a huge growth, with quantities by water reaching a high point of approximately 60 million tons

6) with lows in 1984 and 1995
a) This sentence would be right. I saw it in my writing book.

7) the increment speed came to fast/rephrase again
a) the increment speed came to be rapid again


-------------------
Edited by wangboniu on 05-06-2011 05:10



-------------------
Edited by wangboniu on 05-06-2011 09:04





Re: Correction/transport from may, posted on 05-06-2011 at 17:04:15 (D | E)

Hello wangboniu,

Thank you for your corrections, however, I would like to verify a few grammar points...of course, your collaboration is greatly appreciated

1) A glance at the line graph provided reveals differences in the amounts of commodities transported by four forms/another word of transportation during the period from 1974 to 2002.
a) subject---"A glance", predicate---"reveals", object---"differences";
- A glance at the line graph provided would be the subject of the sentence when, according to me, the participle provided is not necessary to be there. You do show the graph and you need not to repeat the "action", don't you?
- Reveal would be the verb and the whole thing following up is predicate.
Then I think it would be better like this A glance at the line graph reveals differences....

b) means/mode/form of transportation/transport;

-of course, there are many choices of words then, we just select whatever much more appropriate in the context.

2) which transport/try another verb more quantities (of what/specify) than others.

a) which deliver more quantities of goods than the others. (It's well done. The subject is in singular, I believe! So...)
3) the quantities transported by road saw/show? a long-term increase
a) I think both of them are correct.
I would disagree with you. Show is the proper choice
4) This was followed by a sharp decline to/another prep. a low of less..... 80 million tones in the middle of 1990,
a) This was followed by a (why did you take out the article?) sharp decline of 4 million tons in the middle of 1990,

5) This was followed... a huge growth to/another prep. somewhere approximately 60 million tones
Somewhere is a little awkward here. We normally say somewhere in between or something in between...
a) This was followed by a huge growth, with quantities by water reaching a high point of approximately 60 million tons

6) with lows in 1984 and 1995
a) This sentence would be right. I saw it in my writing book.

..in the first and last five years
Would you take it into your consideration?

7) the increment speed came to fast/rephrase again
a) the increment speed came to be rapid again

See you,

-------------------
Edited by may on 05-06-2011 17:04





Re: Correction/transport from willy, posted on 06-06-2011 at 14:41:40 (D | E)
Hello!

The last sentence ought to be rephrased too: "...the development of the road is more rapidly ...".



Re: Correction/transport from wangboniu, posted on 07-06-2011 at 05:10:51 (D | E)
Hello,
This essay was revised according to your suggestions. Thank you.
There is one sentence which I am not sure about. Perhaps, there is something wrong I ignored. I need your advice again.
1) However, the rise sped up again in the period 1992 to 1996

Best wishes,

A glance at the line graph provided reveals differences in the amounts of commodities transported by four means of transport during the period 1974 to 2002. It is evident that the total quantity of commodities transported in 2002 is much larger than it was in 1994.

First, the most essential means of transport was by road, which transported more quantities than others. More specifically, fluctuating around 70 million in the first 16-year period, the quantities transported by road saw a long-term increase from the end of 1980s to the beginning of the 1990s, to somewhere in the vicinity of 81 million tons. This was followed by a sharp decline to a low of less than 80 million tons in the middle of 1990, before rising exponentially to almost 100 million tons in 2002.

Second, transport by water played a more crucial role than before. The figure by water was 40 million tons from 1974 to 1978. This was followed a huge growth to approximately 60 million tons at the beginning of 1990s, before a steady decrease to around 50 million tons in 1998. The latter four years, however, brought a considerable rise to somewhere in the vicinity of 65 million tons.

Third, the quantities of rail transport fluctuated between less than 30 million tons and more than 40 million tons in this whole period, with lows in 1984 and 1995 and highs in the first five years and last five years.

Fourth, it saw a considerable increase in the quantities of pipeline transport. Increasing exponentially from less than 10 million tons in 1974 to about 18 million tons around 1982, the speed of growth gradually slowed during the next two decades. However, the rise sped up again in the period 1992 to 1996 and the figure reached the peak point of 22 million tons in 1996, which kept at the same level in the latter period.

It is very interesting to note that the development of transport by road is more rapidly than other means of transport, and this trend was strengthened in this period.




Re: Correction/transport from may, posted on 07-06-2011 at 16:36:27 (D | E)
Hello wangboniu,

That's very nice your corrections, however, I'd add some suggestions:

...the amounts of commodities transported by four means of transport...(means of TRANSPORTING)

...the total quantity of commodities transported in 2002 is much larger than it was in 1994.

OK, wangboniu
yes, it's right I just read it over from where I am ...than it was is 101% correct

First, the most essential means (of transport) was by road, which transported more quantities (you can take it out to avoid repeating..)

This was followed BY a huge growth to...

in the first five years and last five years.

Whether Either in THE first five years and THE last five years OR in THE first and last five years.

...the speed of growth gradually slowed DOWN during the next two decades. However, the rise sped up again in the period 1992 to 1996.

....................It (the speed of growth) rapidly increased (or sped up) again .....

...the development of (transport by road) ROAD TRANSPORT is more rapidly than other means of transportING,

Happy Tuesday,

-------------------
Edited by may on 07-06-2011 16:37
Sorry, it seems that I was shouting with all capital letters! It's just because all colours were gone????

-------------------
Edited by may on 07-06-2011 18:17
hmmm colours


-------------------
Edited by may on 09-06-2011 16:01
A typo, perhaps




Re: Correction/transport from wangboniu, posted on 11-06-2011 at 15:31:14 (D | E)
Hello, may
I am sorry. I am busy preparing my visa application in these days and it is a tough work for me. Thanks for your corrections. Have a nice day.
Best wishes,

-------------------
Edited by wangboniu on 11-06-2011 15:33






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