Correction présentation

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Correction présentation
Message de hekto posté le 17-08-2010 à 07:43:22 (S | E | F)
Hello, j' espère poster au bon endroit .

J' aimerais faire corriger une petite présentation, la voici :

I’m Maxime ******, but my friends call me Max. I’m 18 years old, and I live in France in a small village called Collobrières, near Esterel, in the country side, since I was born. I like this place, it’s quiet, there are wonderful landscapes, and I know everybody. Physically, I’m of average height, and I have blue eyes and long hairs. For my qualities, I’m somebody pleasant, out-going and caring.
At school, my favorites subjects are drawing and languages. I want to learn English because it’s an international language, and it’s really useful for me to can speak with everybody all around the world. First of all, for my job, because I would like to work as graphic artist, and so I will have to work with people who live abroad, and understand lots of programs in this language. Then, I would like to travel a lot, and will have to be capable to speak with foreigners. Apart from, I don’t like too much school, because I dislike routine. I went there, in ****, in order to learn what I like, and to be ready for my future studies
Otherwise, I practice archery bow once time a weak, for three years. It’s not well known in France, but it’s really interesting and funny. It’s much difficult that it seems ^^. I think that it’s important to keep fit. I have other hobbies, for example: computing, videogames, to visit friends and to travel too.
My father is a mechanic, and my mother a housewife. I have a brother and a sister too, Simon and Sophie. Simon is 22 years old, and he studies economics, and Sophie only 14, so she is in secondary yet.
During the last holidays I went to France’s southern, in Azure Coast. It was beautiful! Everybody know the beaches, but there was more, I speak about the museums, expositions, the architecture and archeological vestiges. It’s a really interesting place! You can walk in the mountains, and enjoying beautiful landscapes too, especially during the longs summer evenings.

Merci d' avance à ceux qui vont passer leur temps à me lire et me corriger, si vous avez des idées pour améliorer la présentation ( niveau style,précisions, etc ... ), n' hésitez surtout pas .

Réponse: Correction présentation de smartway, postée le 17-08-2010 à 14:45:50 (S | E)
hello,
specially not especially.

Réponse: Correction présentation de silky, postée le 17-08-2010 à 15:24:14 (S | E)
Voici quelques fautes corrigées. D'autres complèteront certainement la correction! Ce serait bien de revoir l'emploi des temps avec SINCE et FOR.
L'auxiliaire CAN ne peut être ni précédé, ni suivi de to.Sa forme de remplacement est "to be able to". Revoir aussi MAY et MUST

I’m Maxime ******, but my friends call me Max. I’m 18 years old, and I HAVE BEEN LIVING in France in a small village called Collobrières, near Esterel, in the country side, since I was born.As For my qualities, PEOPLE SAY I’m pleasant, out-going and caring.
... and it’s really useful for me to BE ABLE TO speak with everybody all around the world. First of all, for my job, because I would like to work as A graphic artist, .... I don’t like school VERY MUCH,OR I am not too keen on school because I dislike routine. Otherwise, I practice archery bow once ~~time~~ a week, for three years.
.... Everybody knowS the beaches,
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Modifié par bridg le 17-08-2010 19:47
Bonjour.
Il est demandé aux membres qui auront la gentillesse de répondre, de ne pas donner de corrections toutes faites mais de proposer des pistes de réflexion, des éléments, permettant au membre demandeur un travail en commun menant à s'auto corriger.
Merci pour votre participation.)

Réponse: Correction présentation de hughy, postée le 17-08-2010 à 16:37:58 (S | E)
Bonjour Hekto,
Regarde mon post dans " funny mistakes in English " à propos de " long hairS "
Hughy

Réponse: Correction présentation de willy, postée le 17-08-2010 à 16:50:08 (S | E)
Hello!

"I practice .......... for three years" : temps à revoir !

"I live in France ........ since I was born" : idem. Une correction t'a été proposée ; je n'utiliserais pas la forme continue avec le verbe "to live" car elle apporte une nuance qu'on appelle en anglais "a lack of permanency", càd que tu voudrais dire par là que tu es susceptible de quitter le pays, ce qui n'est pas le sens de ta phrase.

Réponse: Correction présentation de notrepere, postée le 17-08-2010 à 18:29:54 (S | E)
Hello!

I’m 18 years old, and I live in France in a small village called Collobrières, near Esterel, in the country side, since I was born.
Si vous utilisez 'since', il faut utiliser 'live' au présent parfait simple.
I have lived in France since I was born.
A mon avis, cette phrase exprime trop d'idées dans une seule phrase.
I'm 18 years old and I live in a small village called Collobrières, near Esterel, France. This village is in the countryside. I have lived there since I was born.

I like this place, it’s quiet, there are wonderful landscapes, and I know everybody.
Mauvaise ponctuation. On ne peut pas utiliser la virgule pour séparer plusieurs phrases complètes. This is called a 'run on' sentence in English.
I like this place (phrase complète)
It's quiet (phrase complète)
There are wonderful landscapes (phrase complète)

Il y a plusieurs choix:
Ajoutez une conjonction de coordination comme 'because'

I like this place because...
Ou
I like this place for its quietness, its wonderful landscapes, and because I know everybody.
Ou
I like this place: it's quiet; there are wonderful landscapes; and I know everybody.
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Modifié par bridg le 17-08-2010 19:48
orthographe
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Modifié par willy le 17-08-2010 20:03
Notrepere, je suis étonné de tes commentaires sur l'usage du present perfect. Les formes en -ing sont utilisées pour des actions plus temporaires, les formes simples pour des actions plus permanentes et cela est surtout vrai avec le verbe 'to live'.
- I've lived here all the time.
- I've been living in the country for a few months but I don't think I'll spend the rest of my life in a village.
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Modifié par notrepere le 17-08-2010 23:38
Merci Willy. Je dirai que tout dépend du contexte. And I know that there are differences in usage between BE and AE with the Present Perfect tense. Let me do some more research to see if I can clarify my answer. In the meantime, I have left out the reference to PPC.
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Modifié par willy le 18-08-2010 07:04
Le contexte, bien sûr, est très important.
Pour la forme continue, il s'agit, par exemple, d'une action en cours pour le moment :
- I've been working here for twenty years.
Il peut s'agir de la continuation d'une activité dans le sens où elle est inachevée :
- I've been reading your book (= I haven't finished it).
Il peut s'agir d'une activité qui a entraîné un résultat dont on vient de parler :
- You look exhausted! What have you been doing?
Pour la forme simple, on pense à un résultat présent d'une action qui a précédé :
- I've worked here since 1990 (j'ai de l'expérience).
- I've read your book (je le connais).
- Show me what you've done. I've typed ten letters; here they are.
Voilà quelques considérations, notrepere ; elles ne remplacent pas le cours sur ce site. évidemment

Réponse: Correction présentation de hekto, postée le 18-08-2010 à 03:47:35 (S | E)
Petite correction sur base de vos réponses / pistes :

I’m Maxime ******, but my friends call me Max. I’m 18 years old, and I live in France in a small village called Collobrières, near Esterel. This village is in the countryside. I have lived there since I was born.
I like this place for its quietness, its wonderful landscapes, and because I know everybody. Physically, I’m of average height, and I have blue eyes and long hair. For my qualities, I’m somebody pleasant, out-going and caring.
At school, my favorite subjects are drawing and languages. I want to learn English because it’s an international language, and it’s really useful for me to be able to speak with everybody all around the world. First of all, for my job, because I would like to work as a graphic artist, and so I will have to work with people who live abroad, and understand lots of programs in this language. Then, I would like to travel a lot, and will have to be capable to speak with foreigners. Apart from, I don’t like school very much, because I dislike routine. I went there, in ****, in order to learn what I like, and to be ready for my future studies
Otherwise, I have practiced archery bow once a week, for three years. It’s not well known in France, but it’s really interesting and funny. It’s much difficult that it seems ^^. I think that it’s important to keep fit. I have other hobbies, for example: computing, videogames, to visit friends and to travel too.
My father is a mechanic, and my mother a housewife. I have a brother and a sister too, Simon and Sophie. Simon is 22 years old, and he studies economics, and Sophie only 14, so she is in secondary yet.
During the last holidays I went to France’s southern, in Azure Coast. It was beautiful! Everybody knows the beaches, but there was more, I speak about the museums, expositions, the architecture and archeological vestiges. It’s a really interesting place! You can walk in the mountains, and enjoying beautiful landscapes too, especially during the long summer evenings.

Si vous trouvez d' autre choses ou avez d' autres idées, n' hésitez pas à m' en faire part .

J' ai également laissé le especially, j' ai voulu dire " particulièrement " en écrivant cette phrase, donc ça me semble correct.

Réponse: Correction présentation de notrepere, postée le 18-08-2010 à 07:46:06 (S | E)
Hello!

I want to learn English because it’s an international language, and it’s [use 'would be'] really useful for me to be able to speak with everybody all around the world. First of all (Secondly), ~~for my job, because~~ I would like to work as a graphic artist, ~~and~~ so I will have to work with people who live abroad, and understand lots of programs in this language. Then (Thirdly), I would like to travel a lot, and will have [mal dit] to be capable (able) to speak with foreigners. Apart from [manque un mot], I don’t like school very much, because I dislike routine. I went there , in ****, in order to learn what I like, and to be ready for my future studies.

~~Otherwise,~~ I have practiced archery bow once a week, for three years. It’s not well known in France, but it’s really interesting and funny (fun?). It’s much [manque un mot] difficult that [mal dit] it seems ^^. I think that it’s important to keep fit. I have other hobbies too, for example: (such as) computing, [manque un verbe +ing] videogames, to visit [verbe +ing] friends, and to travel [verbe +ing] ~~too~~.
My father is a mechanic, and my mother a housewife. I have a brother and a sister too, Simon and Sophie. Simon is 22 years old, and he studies economics, and Sophie [manque un verbe] only 14, so she is (isn't?) in secondary yet.
During the last holidays I went to France’s southern, in Azure Coast [ordre des mots]. It was beautiful! Everybody knows (has heard about) the beaches, but there was more [, I speak about the] such as the museums, expositions, the architecture, and archeological vestiges. It’s a really interesting place! You can walk in the mountains, and enjoying [pas de +ing] the beautiful landscapes too, especially during the long summer evenings.

Supprimez les virgules en texte rouge.

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